[Opening Scene: Patch Notes Announcement]
Elohim stands at a lectern made of stars, holding a scroll.
Elohim: "Welcome to the 2.0 update! I’ll be fixing a few, uh, minor glitches from the original creation."
Gabriel whispers to Raphael.
Gabriel: "Minor? Like the galaxies colliding, or that one planet that’s just on fire?"
Raphael: "Shhh, He can hear you!"
Elohim: "First up—Venus will now rotate correctly... probably. And I’ve finally added a functionality for rainbows. No more monochrome storms!"
Audience of angels politely claps.
[Scene 1: Debugging Venus]
Elohim, armed with a giant cosmic wrench, approaches Venus.
Elohim: "Just a little tweak to the rotation speed..."
The planet starts spinning wildly like a carnival ride, ejecting celestial debris.
Gabriel: "Great, now it’s a frisbee."
Elohim: "Eh, close enough. Moving on!"
[Scene 2: Rainbow 1.0 Launch]
Elohim debuts the first rainbow during a thunderstorm.
Elohim: "Behold! A majestic symbol of hope and—"
The rainbow glitches, flashing neon green and emitting a faint buzzing sound.
Gabriel: "Boss, it’s... uh... very avant-garde."
Elohim: "No worries! I’ll just release a colour patch in 2.1."
[Scene 3: Addressing Animal Complaints]
Elohim sets up a celestial feedback desk. A disgruntled penguin waddles in.
Penguin: "Why do we live in Antarctica? It’s freezing, mate."
Elohim: "You’re built for it! Thick feathers, warm blubber—"
Penguin: "Then why do I still have knees? They’re useless!"
Elohim: "Hmm, I see your point. I’ll add it to the list."
Cut to an octopus furiously typing on a laptop with all eight arms.
Octopus: "Can I request Wi-Fi in the ocean?"
Elohim sighs. "Fine. But no Netflix underwater!"
[Scene 4: Fixing Gravity (Again)]
Elohim tweaks gravity to address complaints about "random floating."
The patch goes live, and suddenly everything gets too heavy. Planets start squishing into ovals.
Elohim: "Oops! Too much gravity! I’ll just recalibrate..."
Gabriel clutches a wobbling star.
Gabriel: "Boss, we’re going to have a black hole infestation again!"
[Scene 5: Time Zones Debacle]
Elohim announces a fix for time zones.
Elohim: "No more arbitrary divisions! From now on, one universal clock!"
Cut to Earth. People riot because lunch hour is now at midnight in half the world.
Gabriel: "I think they liked the old system."
Elohim: grumbling "Fine! But I’m not explaining daylight saving time."
[Scene 6: Cosmic Clippy Arrives]
Elohim introduces a new celestial assistant: Clippy, the animated cloud.
Clippy: "It looks like you’re trying to create a nebula. Need help?"
Elohim stares. "Who invited this guy?"
Clippy winks and produces a lightning bolt. "Let me know if you need tips on divine wrath!"
[Final Scene: The Universe Relaunch]
Elohim presses a big glowing button marked "Relaunch." The angels cheer as the updates go live.
Seconds later, Gabriel gets a notification.
Gabriel: "Uh, Boss? The black holes are unionising."
Elohim: facepalm "I’ll deal with it in Version 3.0."
Voiceover: "Stay tuned for Universe 3.0: Multiverse Madness! Coming soon... probably."
