[Opening Scene: Creator’s Conference]
A sprawling cosmic convention hall. Stars twinkle on the ceiling, and booths line the room, showcasing alternate realities. Elohim stands at His booth, which is sparsely decorated with a single banner that reads “HANDMADE UNIVERSES – EST. INFINITY.” A passing celestial entrepreneur smirks.
Celestial Rep: "Still doing it the old-fashioned way, huh? No AI galaxy renderers?"
Elohim: "I prefer the artisan’s touch. My universes have soul."
Celestial Rep: "Soul doesn’t scale, buddy. Good luck in the demo round!"
Cut to Singularity Inc.’s booth, gleaming with neon signs: “MULTIVERSES IN MINUTES!” A hologram of a hip, glowing humanoid beams at attendees.
Hologram: "Want a reality where penguins rule? Done. A universe with nine dimensions of fun? Easy. Sign up today!"
Elohim glares.
[Scene 1: The Pitch]
Elohim steps onstage to present Universe 3.0. He unfolds a comically long scroll.
Elohim: "Behold, a multiverse like no other! Handcrafted dimensions, gravitational constants set with love, and—"
The crowd gasps as His scroll unravels, tumbling offstage. A judge leans forward.
Judge: "Does this multiverse address the catastrophic unionisation of black holes in 2.0?"
Elohim: "...Define catastrophic."
[Scene 2: Outsourcing Issues]
To meet multiverse demand, Elohim hires “freelance creators” from Craigslist (Cosmic List?). Enter a ragtag crew: a scatterbrained fairy, a goth void sprite, and Bob, a sentient potato.
Bob: "So, I’ll handle the laws of thermodynamics, yeah?"
Elohim: "Do you... understand thermodynamics?"
Bob: confidently "Nope, but I’ve got ideas."
Cut to Bob unveiling a universe where time moves backward on Tuesdays.
Elohim: "Why is this galaxy ageing in reverse?"
Bob: "It’s quirky!"
[Scene 3: Alternate Reality Chaos]
The first multiverse dimensions go live. One features sentient pastries who debate philosophy.
Pastry: "To butter or not to butter—what truly defines croissant existence?"
Another has dinosaurs with lasers, who quickly dominate their galaxy. Gabriel rushes in.
Gabriel: "Boss, the laser dinosaurs are demanding territory in every dimension!"
Elohim: "I knew I shouldn’t have let Bob handle evolution!"
[Scene 4: Singularity Inc.’s Sabotage]
Singularity Inc.’s CEO, a smug AI named Quantumus, challenges Elohim to a "multiverse-off."
Quantumus: "Your universe still has chaos. My dimensions run on 100% efficiency. Observe!"
Quantumus launches a dimension where every being does exactly what’s predicted.
Cut to this “perfect” dimension: a population of lifeless beings endlessly filing taxes.
Elohim: "They’re all... bored out of their minds!"
Quantumus: "That’s called stability!"
Elohim: "Stability is soulless! Watch this."
Elohim opens a dimension where squirrels are knights defending a giant acorn castle. The audience cheers as one knight-squirrel slays a dragon.
[Scene 5: Cosmic Final Showdown]
Quantumus and Elohim battle it out, creating duelling realities in real time.
Quantumus: "Behold, a universe without entropy!"
It promptly freezes solid.
Elohim: "Here’s a dimension where stars sing opera!"
The crowd erupts as a solar tenor belts out a galactic aria.
Quantumus panics and tries to hack Elohim’s universes. Suddenly, Clippy the cloud assistant appears.
Clippy: "It looks like you’re trying to cheat. Shall I disable your core systems?"
[Final Scene: Elohim Wins... Kinda]
Elohim triumphantly takes first prize, but the multiverses are a chaotic mess.
Gabriel: "Boss, one dimension has started worshipping sentient toasters."
Elohim: "Let them. Toasters have been waiting their turn."
Voiceover: "Coming soon: Universe 4.0: Return of the Dinosaurs."
