Scene:
A grand mediæval castle’s Round Table room. The knights, freshly equipped with phones, are sitting awkwardly at the table, facing their glowing screens. Arthur is leading the session, and there’s a large screen on the wall projecting the Knightfinder app’s interface. Sir Lancelot is gleefully tapping away on his phone. Sir Galahad is fiddling with his, clearly baffled by the interface. Sir Bedivere is just holding his phone upside down. The others look equally confused.
Arthur:
(addressing the knights, holding up his own phone)
“Alright, everyone, listen up. This Knightfinder app is supposed to streamline everything. We’re supposed to be more efficient—more synergistic. We need to use it to get more organised and plan our quests better.”
Lancelot:
(enthusiastically tapping away on his phone)
“Arthur, this is brilliant! Look—there’s a quest for a dragon slaying nearby! And, oh! A tournament joust in the next town! We’re going to crush this!”
Arthur:
(frowning, tapping his phone uncertainly)
“Right, yes, but we need to focus on the big quests first. We’ll do the small tasks later. I’ve clicked on this ‘Synergy Building’ quest—it’s marked as ‘high impact.’ I’m going to suggest we prioritise that.”
Sir Galahad:
(glancing at his phone, scratching his head)
“What’s this? It says, ‘To proceed, confirm your knightly code of conduct.’ Well, I do uphold a chivalrous code, but now it wants me to upload my dental records?”
Sir Bedivere:
(loudly, holding his phone upside down)
“Arthur, this thing keeps telling me to ‘swipe right to accept the quest.’ I don’t think I’ve even met this dragon yet. And why does it keep asking if I’m happy with my quest rewards?”
Arthur:
(gritting his teeth, staring at the screen)
“It’s not a dating app, Bedivere. You have to swipe down to accept a quest, not right.”
Lancelot:
(genuinely enthusiastic, still tapping away)
“Well, this app does encourage trust falls. And there’s an option for virtual jousting! We can simulate jousting tournaments from the comfort of the castle.”
Sir Galahad:
(panicking as a notification pops up)
“Wait, it says, ‘Your quest has been cancelled due to insufficient honour points.’ What in the name of Camelot is an ‘honour point’?”
Arthur:
(frustrated, tapping furiously at his phone)
“I knew this would happen! The corporate dragons have us doing pointless quests just to increase our engagement. This is supposed to be about valour, not metrics!”
Lancelot:
(cheerfully oblivious, still tapping away)
“Arthur, you’re being too negative. The Synergy Building quest looks great—’Collaborate with knights to unlock new skills and achievements.’ And I just got a quest badge for excellent swordplay!”
Sir Galahad:
(in panic mode, clicking on random things)
“Arthur, this thing just asked me if I’m ready to ‘disrupt the questing ecosystem.’ What is that? I just want to slay a dragon, not—”
(his phone buzzes with a new notification)
“Wait, what’s this? ‘Your quest requires three more knights to be fully initiated.’ It’s a group activity, isn’t it? I’m going to need more knights. That’s you, Arthur.”
Arthur:
(sarcastically)
“Yes, let’s be a ‘team player.’ Get those three more knights ready. And don’t forget to rate your squire’s performance after each quest. It’s all part of the process.”
Sir Lancelot:
(picking up the pace, excitedly)
“Look, look! There’s a ‘Secret Quest’ for knights who achieve a perfect score on a trust fall! We could all get special rewards!”
Arthur:
(facepalming)
“This is ridiculous. Why are we even doing trust falls?!”
Sir Bedivere:
(triumphantly holding up his phone)
“I’ve completed my ‘Trust Fall Training’! I’m ready for the synergy!”
Arthur:
(sighing deeply)
“We’re knights, not... whatever this is. But I suppose, if we really need these honour points to slay dragons, then we’ll go with it.”
Sir Galahad:
(desperately)
“Arthur, I just tried to find a dragon quest, and I clicked the wrong button. It says, ‘You’ve been matched with Mordred for a team-building exercise.’”
Arthur:
(groans)
“Oh no. Not Mordred.”
Lancelot:
(interrupting, even more excited)
“Wait! Mordred is a 5-star-rated team player! And it says, ‘Synergy achieved: +5 honour points!’”
Arthur:
(muttering under his breath)
“We’re doomed.”
End Scene
