Universe 4.0: Return of the Dinosaurs
[Opening Scene: Cosmic Feedback Session]
Elohim sits at a desk, surrounded by sentient stars, a very unimpressed Gabriel, and Bob, nervously clutching a coffee mug with the slogan: "Physics is Optional." A holographic Customer Feedback Survey hovers in the air.
Survey Voice: “You received a 1-star review for Universe 3.0. Reason: Laser Dinosaurs.”
Gabriel: "They’ve conquered 78% of dimensions. In one universe, they turned gravity into a business. You can only afford it on Tuesdays."
Elohim: sighing "Okay, fine. We’ll roll out Universe 4.0. What’s the tagline?"
Bob: "How about 'More Fun, Fewer Lasers?'"
Gabriel: "We’re adding more dinosaurs, Bob. Maybe, 'Dinosaurs Done Right?'"
Elohim: "I’ve got it: 'Universe 4.0: Let Chaos Roar!' Let’s start the Big Bang."
[Scene 1: The Multiversal Dinosaur Council]
Elohim tries negotiating with the "Council of Dino-Chancellors," a group of hyper-intelligent, laser-armed dinosaurs wearing monocles and top hats.
Chancellor T-Rex: "We demand reparations for extinction. And free solar-powered laser upgrades!"
Elohim: "You went extinct once. I made mammals!"
Triceratops Chancellor: "Mammals don’t have lasers."
Elohim: "Maybe because they don’t need them?"
T-Rex: "Blasphemy!" [blasts laser into the air.]
Bob whispers to Elohim.
Bob: "What if we give them their own dimension?"
Elohim: "Like a cosmic amusement park?"
Bob: "Exactly! Call it Dino-topia Prime."
[Scene 2: Building Dino-topia Prime]
Bob recruits an alien contractor to construct Dino-topia Prime. Enter Zorg, a tentacled foreman with a clipboard and zero patience.
Zorg: "Okay, we’ll need black holes for power, asteroid belts for decor, and a portal to the dimension where Jeff Goldblum resides. Trust me, the dinos love him."
Bob: "That’s... oddly specific."
Cut to Elohim inspecting the worksite. Zorg is arguing with a Stegosaurus over zoning regulations.
Zorg: "No, your laser tower can’t be 500 feet tall! It’ll interfere with the quantum sky-net!"
Stegosaurus: "But how else will the herbivores assert dominance?"
[Scene 3: The Mammalian Rebellion]
Meanwhile, in Universe 4.0’s beta phase, mammals are outraged about the return of dinosaurs. A delegation of disgruntled badgers and raccoons storms Elohim’s office.
Badger Leader: "First, you extinct us. Then, you replace us with them?"
Elohim: "Technically, you replaced them. I’m just un-replacing them."
Raccoon: "We demand equal rights! And maybe lasers too!"
Gabriel intervenes.
Gabriel: "We’re already over budget on dinosaurs. Laser mammals would bankrupt the whole system."
Bob: whispering "But think of the merchandising opportunities…"
[Scene 4: Dino-topia Prime Opens... and Immediately Crashes]
The grand opening of Dino-topia Prime goes disastrously wrong. Dinosaurs begin hacking the interdimensional portal system to expand their empire.
Gabriel: "Boss, the Raptors are trading universes on the black market!"
Elohim: "How?!"
Gabriel: "They teamed up with the quantum hamsters from 2.0. It’s an interdimensional crime ring!"
Cut to T-Rex addressing his troops.
T-Rex: "Today Dino-topia, tomorrow... ALL EXISTENCE!"
[Scene 5: Elohim’s Cosmic Reset]
Elohim, at His wit’s end, decides to hit the "reset button" for Universe 4.0.
Elohim: "I tried to be fair. I gave them everything! And how do they repay me? By breaking physics again!"
Bob hands him the reset button, which is comically oversized and labelled: "DO NOT PRESS WITHOUT COSMIC AUTHORISATION."
Gabriel: "What’s the plan for 5.0?"
Elohim: "No dinosaurs. No lasers. Just... simplicity. Maybe... rocks? Rocks don’t rebel, right?"
[Final Scene: Dinosaurs Escape the Reset]
As the reset countdown begins, a group of dinosaurs hijacks a portal and escapes to Singularity Inc.’s flagship dimension.
Quantumus: "Wait, who let them in here?! They’re eating my robots!"
T-Rex: "WE ARE EVOLUTION. DEAL WITH IT."
[Tagline]:
“Universe 4.0: Chaos has a roar. Coming soon: Universe 5.0 – The Era of Really Chill Rocks.”
