Scene: The same dimly lit cave. Reg, Stan (Loretta), and Judith are deep in discussion. Suddenly, a towering, broad-shouldered figure clomps into the room wearing a straw hat and overalls, holding a slingshot and a jar of moonshine.
Jethro: (Grinning ear to ear) “Howdy, y’all! I’m Jethro Bodine, and I’m here to join yer club!”
Reg: (Blinking) “Club? This isn’t a club. This is the People’s Front of Judea.”
Jethro: “That’s right! The P... uh... F... uh...” (Counts on his fingers) “...J! Yessir, I’m ready to fight them Romans!”
Judith: “Oh, another recruit! Welcome, Jethro!”
Reg: “Hold on, Judith. Let’s see if he’s got what it takes first.” (Turns to Jethro) “So, what skills do you bring to the cause?”
Jethro: “Oh, I got all kinds of skills! I’m a double-naught spy, a brain surgeon, and a fry cook!”
Stan/Loretta: “Double-naught spy? What’s that?”
Jethro: “That’s like a regular spy, but double. Means I’m twice as sneaky!”
Reg: “Sneaky, eh? Well, that might actually come in handy. Can you infiltrate Roman operations?”
Jethro: (Scratching his head) “Sure can! I once snuck into a possum’s den to steal its biscuits.”
Judith: (Confused) “Possums don’t make biscuits.”
Jethro: “Exactly! That’s how sneaky I am.”
Reg: (Sighs) “Right, moving on. What’s your stance on Roman occupation?”
Jethro: (Excited) “I reckon I can build us a big ol’ slingshot to fling them Romans clear into the next county! Or maybe even to Rome! Ain’t no occupation if they’re halfway across the world, right?”
Reg: (Rubbing his temples) “That’s... not exactly how this works.”
Jethro: “Oh, and I’m real good at distractions, too! Once, I tricked Granny into thinking the cement pond was full of catfish. She dove right in!”
Stan/Loretta: “Could you use that talent to distract Roman guards?”
Jethro: (Nods confidently) “Sure can! I’ll tell ‘em I’m diggin’ for gold, and before they know it, I’ll be runnin’ off with their spears!”
Judith: “Reg, I think we should give him a chance. He’s enthusiastic.”
Reg: (Skeptical) “Enthusiasm’s not enough. What about strategy? Do you have any experience planning complex operations?”
Jethro: “Oh, sure! Back home, I once planned a heist to swipe Granny’s secret recipe for squirrel stew. Had maps and everything!”
Judith: “Did it work?”
Jethro: “Well, no. Granny caught me and whupped me with her broom. But I learned a lot!”
Reg: (Groaning) “This is hopeless. We’re trying to overthrow the Romans, not swipe stew recipes!”
Jethro: (Brightly) “Overthrow? Why didn’t y’all say so? I’ll go fetch Uncle Jed’s tractor—we can just roll right over ‘em Romans!”
Reg: “A tractor? Against the Roman Empire?!”
Jethro: “Yup! And if that don’t work, we’ll sic Granny on ‘em. She’s meaner than a mule with a sore hoof!”
Stan/Loretta: (Nods slowly) “I... I think I’d like to see that.”
Reg: (Throws up his hands) “That’s it! I give up. Jethro, you’re... in. But only if you promise not to use the slingshot on us!”
Jethro: (Grinning) “Hot dog! I’m gonna make y’all proud! Now, where’s them Romans at? I got some gold diggin’ to do.”
Cue the team collectively burying their faces in their hands as Jethro proudly marches off, slingshot in hand, and the sound of Granny yelling in the distance.
