Scene: The Flat Earth Society annual meeting, with the crowd abuzz. Trump strides up to the podium, ready to drop “truth bombs” about the shape of the Earth. But before he can begin, in rolls a Dalek painted in psychedelic swirls, with flowers and peace signs all over its casing. Its eyestalk is adorned with tiny sunglasses, and it emits a mellow, groovy hum.
Trump (clearing his throat): “Thank you, folks! Let me tell you, the Earth is flat. It’s flat, it’s obvious, and they don’t want you to know. Believe me, I’ve got the best sources, folks, the best scientists!”
Hippie Dalek (in a slow, dreamy voice): “Hey, man, whoa, like... that’s not the vibe at all. Earth isn’t, like, flat, y’know? It’s a sphere, a cosmic orb floating in the vastness, man. I can, like, feel it in my circuits.”
Trump (raising an eyebrow): “Feel it? Look, folks, this... Dalek... doesn’t get it. We’re standing on the truth here! Solid ground. The best flat ground in the world.”
Hippie Dalek (nodding its eyestalk, sounding wistful): “Nah, man, ground is just, like, an illusion. It’s all energy. Earth, it’s like a groovy little planet, but it’s definitely round, man. Like... cosmic symmetry.”
Audience (some laughing, some booing): “Get outta here, space freak! Flat Earth is the truth!”
Trump (smirking): “Yeah, this Dalek sounds like it’s spent too much time in a black hole somewhere. Cosmic vibes? Sad!”
Hippie Dalek (undaunted, swaying slightly): “Hey, man, I’m just here to spread, like, the love. And the truth, too, y’know? Earth being round is just... it’s the flow of the universe, man. You can’t just deny it.”
Trump (sighing, leaning forward): “Look, folks, don’t listen to the hippie robot. I know the facts, okay? I know the best facts. And I’m telling you, they’re flat.”
Hippie Dalek (sighing deeply): “Heavy, man. Like, why can’t we just... all see the shape for what it is? We’re all connected in this cosmic tapestry, and the truth is, Earth is, like, round. A full vibe, man. You just gotta open your mind circuits.”
Audience Member (shouting): “Flat Earth! Flat Earth!”
Hippie Dalek (spinning peacefully): “Whoa, heavy scene. You’re all just on your own trip, huh? It’s cool, I’m just, like, here to radiate peace. And, uh, spherical vibes.”
Trump (looking at the audience, shrugging): “See, folks? That’s what the other side is pushing—‘spherical vibes.’ Well, I say no way. We’ve got flat vibes here, the best vibes. Thank you!”
Hippie Dalek (nodding, placid): “Alright, man, you do you. But, like, if you ever wanna expand your mind circuits and, y’know, vibrate with the universe, I’ll be around. Grooving to the truth.”
As the Dalek peacefully rolls out, chanting “vibes, vibes, vibes” under its electronic breath, Trump turns to the crowd, basking in the applause of his newly fired-up supporters.
