Trump at a Rally:
"Folks, we all love MAGA, right? It’s historic. Historic like nobody’s ever seen. But here’s the thing: even the best brands need a refresh. Coca-Cola did it. McDonald’s did it. Even the Bible has a sequel—it's called the New Testament. So now, we’re gonna Make MAGA Great Again! MMGA! It’s gonna be huge! And you know what the difference is? This time, it’s MAGA… but on steroids. Tremendous steroids. The best steroids. Legal ones, obviously—probably. But big ones!"
(The crowd, half cheering, half confused, chants, "MMGA! MMGA!")
Trump leans in conspiratorially:
"And folks, let me tell you, this isn’t just any reboot. It’s gonna have new features. MAGA 2.0 will come with deluxe patriotism. Deluxe! I’m talking eagles that cry real tears, flags that wave themselves! We’re even thinking of adding a space MAGA division. MAGA in space, folks—imagine that. Martians wearing MAGA hats, chanting 'Earth first!' It’s beautiful."
(A man in the crowd, wearing a bedazzled MAGA cape, bursts into tears.)
Trump gestures grandly:
"And the hats—oh, the hats! Red was good, but now we’re going for GOLD. Solid gold hats! Maybe too heavy? We’ll do gold-plated! Lightweight, luxurious, the hats will scream 'winner'! And the slogans? We’ll make them longer. 'Make America Great Again and Again and Also Pretty Awesome!' More words, more winning. Nobody will do slogans better than us, believe me!"
(His campaign manager whispers frantically, but Trump waves him off.)
"And look, I know what the fake news is gonna say. They’ll say, 'Trump admits MAGA wasn’t great!' WRONG. Fake news. MAGA has always been great. But now we’re making it even greater, which is what I’ve always said from day one. You can look it up!"
(Post-rally, analysts wonder whether MMGA is a stroke of genius, a sign of desperation, or just Trump improvising while thinking about hats.)
