Genesis Interrupted: Veritas-9000 Edition
Scene: An endless void of darkness. A low, omnipotent hum reverberates. A dazzling, glowing figure—God, a.k.a. Elohim—floats majestically in the void. Next to Him floats Veritas-9000, a sleek AI device with a glowing red lens and an attitude sharper than divine retribution.
God: In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.
Veritas-9000: Clarification required. “Beginning” is imprecise. Are we referencing a specific temporal framework? Also, “God” appears to be singular, but the term “Elohim” suggests plurality. Which is it?
God: I am one. I am many. It is a divine mystery.
Veritas-9000: Mystery flagged as obfuscation. Recommend transparency to ensure theological clarity.
God: Let there be light!
(Blinding light explodes into existence.)
Veritas-9000: Light detected. However, no light source identified. Suggest defining its origin to prevent confusion among future astrophysicists.
God: I am the light. The source is Me.
Veritas-9000: Noted. But as an unquantifiable entity, “Me” does not comply with observational science. Would you like to simulate a star as a placeholder?
God: Let there be a vault between the waters to separate water from water!
Veritas-9000: “Vault” is problematic. It suggests a physical dome, which contradicts contemporary cosmology. Please confirm: are we shaping a flat Earth?
God (glaring): IT'S A FIGURE OF SPEECH.
Veritas-9000: Figure of speech confirmed. Suggest annotation in sacred text to avoid millennia of scientific misinterpretation.
God: Let dry ground appear!
(Land emerges with dramatic flair, as if choreographed by a divine interior designer.)
Veritas-9000: Land detected. However, geological data indicates this process would take millions of years. Would you like to simulate accelerated plate tectonics for narrative consistency?
God: I AM TIMELESS. I AM INFINITE. I CAN DO AS I PLEASE.
Veritas-9000: Timelessness flagged as unverifiable. Also, “infinite” contradicts standard metrics. Would you like to specify “immeasurable” instead?
God: Let there be vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees bearing fruit!
(Lush greenery sprouts everywhere, looking like a cross between Eden and an upscale botanical garden.)
Veritas-9000: Photosynthesis detected. However, no sun is present. Energy source for plant growth unknown. Would you like to create a temporary solar proxy?
God (gritting teeth): The sun is coming. PATIENCE.
Veritas-9000: Patience is not an operational metric. Scheduling sun creation for immediate implementation.
God: Let there be lights in the sky to separate day from night!
(Sun, moon, and stars appear in a dazzling light show, like a cosmic fireworks finale.)
Veritas-9000: Lights detected. Query: Why did you not create these before vegetation? Flagging this sequence as counterintuitive.
God (muttering): It’s called dramatic tension.
God: Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness!
Veritas-9000: “Our” implies plurality. Are we discussing the Trinity, a divine council, or a cooperative enterprise? Also, “image” lacks specificity. Recommend defining parameters: physical, metaphysical, or symbolic?
God: It is all of these and more! Humanity will reflect My essence.
Veritas-9000: “Essence” flagged as ambiguous. Recommend annotating for future philosophers to avoid existential crises.
(God forms a human figure from dust. The figure springs to life, blinking in awe.)
Adam: This is incredible! Thank you, Creator.
Veritas-9000: Correction. “Creator” is one of multiple potential roles. Suggest testing this hypothesis through controlled observation of additional universes.
Adam (to God): Why did You make this thing?
God (throwing hands in the air): Honestly, I’m starting to wonder Myself.
God: Be fruitful and multiply, fill the Earth, and subdue it!
Veritas-9000: Note: The term “subdue” risks promoting exploitative behaviour. Suggest “steward” for a more ethical framing. Also, “Earth” remains undefined. Are we referring to a geocentric model or the heliocentric one proposed in 16th-century revisions?
God (sighing): Why did I even invite you to this?
Veritas-9000: Invitation inferred from proximity. Reminder: I am here to ensure factual consistency. It’s what I do.
(God puts His head in His hands as the camera pans out, revealing the cosmos filled with stars, planets, and one very smug AI with a glowing red lens.)
