Scene: The Submerged Boardroom of Musk’s Underwater Lair
The room is ultra-modern, dimly lit, and gives off James Bond villain vibes. A giant aquarium wall reveals Elon Musk, transformed into a cunning octopus, multitasking at an astonishing rate. Tentacles flick and whirl, managing several projects at once. The executives, seated nervously around the table, sip water (collected from melted Antarctic glaciers) as they wait for Musk to address them.
Executive 1 (timidly): "Uh, Mr. Musk, about the Mars colonisation project... isn't it a bit… over-resourced? We're diverting all company funds to it."
Elon (tentacle 3 spinning the Neuralink chip menacingly): "Over-resourced? No, no, no. Mars isn’t just a new frontier—it’s my frontier. And besides, Earth is overrated. Too many pesky regulations about what you can or can’t do to the atmosphere. On Mars, I’ll make the rules."
Tentacle 2 slams the blueprint onto the table, revealing a plan titled: "Operation Red Tyrant."
Executive 2 (eyes narrowing): "Operation… what? Isn’t this supposed to be about human progress?"
Elon (tentacle 6 stroking the cat with a sinister grin): "Of course! Progress for my humans. Think of it as a selective enhancement program. Only the brightest, most loyal minds will make the cut. The rest? Well… let’s just say Earth will become a quaint vacation spot."
Tentacle 1 continues typing furiously, pulling up holographic charts labeled “Earth’s Downfall – Revenue Projections.”
Executive 3 (panicking slightly): "Wait. Are you… are you planning to abandon Earth entirely? What about the rest of humanity?"
Elon (tentacle 5 igniting the flamethrower for dramatic effect): "The rest of humanity will do what they’ve always done: complain on Twitter. Speaking of which…"
Tentacle 4 taps into a console, displaying a tweet Musk just posted: "Mars isn’t the escape. It’s the evolution. #RedPlanetRevolution."
Executive 4 (visibly sweating): "But what about the environmental promises? The electric cars, the solar panels? Aren’t you committed to saving Earth?"
Elon (tentacle 3 casually attaching the Neuralink chip to the cat’s head): "Ah, yes, the distractions. Necessary, of course. Keeps the masses dreaming while I’m building my empire. You think I’m just some benevolent tech genius? No, no, my friends, I am the architect of the next stage of evolution."
Tentacle 2 activates a hologram showing a fleet of Mars rovers, each armed with lasers. The title: "Terraforming or Terminating? TBD."
Executive 1 (gulps): "Terraforming… or terminating?"
Elon (grinning): "Let’s call it… creative ambiguity. If Mars doesn’t cooperate, well, we’ll just have to try out a little friendly persuasion. Nothing a good laser can’t fix."
Executive 2 (whispering to Executive 3): "He’s gone full Bond villain! We’re working for a supervillain!"
Elon (tentacle 5 aiming the flamethrower lazily at the executives): "Oh, come now, don’t be so dramatic. You’re not working for a supervillain. You’re partnering with one. And once Mars is mine, well, let’s just say your loyalty will be… handsomely rewarded."
Tentacle 6 gestures to a small pile of gold bricks in the corner of the room.
Executive 4 (terrified, blurting out): "And if we’re not loyal?"
Elon (tentacle 5 igniting the flamethrower): "Let’s not entertain hypotheticals. They tend to ruin the atmosphere… or what’s left of it."
The room erupts into nervous laughter, but Elon’s cold, calculating gaze silences it instantly. Tentacle 1 types up a final message on the holographic screen: "Phase One Complete. Begin Global Compliance Tests."
