[The scene is majestic. The mountains are shrouded in clouds and thunder rumbles as the burning bush flickers and crackles at the peak of Mount Sinai. Moses stands before it, awe-struck, ready to receive the commandments. But... suddenly, a loud, booming helicopter noise fills the air, and a golden helicopter appears, landing on the mountain with a dramatic flare. The door opens, and out steps... Donald Trump, wearing a suit that somehow seems even more out-of-place on the side of a mountain.]
Trump: (Striding confidently towards the bush, talking to himself) "Okay, folks, let’s get this straight. I’m the guy. I’ve got the best instincts—the best. Who better to be on this mountain than me? Nobody does mountains like me. I’ve been on lots of mountains, you wouldn’t believe it. Huge mountains."
Moses: (Turning around, shocked) "What... what are you doing here? This is... a holy moment. God is about to speak to me."
Trump: (Interrupting, completely unbothered) "Yeah, yeah, sure. But listen, Moses, I’m the guy you want here. Trust me. I’ve got the best commandments. You ever heard of a ‘deal’ from God? We’re talking tremendous deals. I’ll tell you what: You’re gonna get the best commandments. We’re gonna make the commandments great again."
Moses: (Grabbing Trump by the arm) "No! You don’t understand! Yahweh is about to deliver the commandments. This is sacred—"
Trump: (Waving him off, now approaching the burning bush) "I’ve been around people who say they’re holy. You’ve gotta make sure you’ve got the right connections, Moses. You’re not gonna get anywhere without the right branding, alright? I know how to make things huge, and that’s what God needs. God needs someone who knows how to get the best deals, big deals."
[Suddenly, a booming voice from the burning bush interrupts the conversation.]
Yahweh: (In thunderous, divine tone) "I am the Lord your God, and I bring forth the Ten Commandments. Thou shalt have no other gods before Me. Thou shalt not make graven images..."
Trump: (Grinning, pulling out a notepad and scribbling notes) "Alright, alright. First of all, we’re definitely gonna need some golden tablets. I’m talking gold. The best kind of gold, folks. Believe me. We don’t want any cheap tablets. We need the best. People are gonna love these commandments. They’ll talk about them for centuries."
Yahweh: (A flash of divine lightning strikes, and the bush crackles, annoyed) "I did not call for gold! These commandments are sacred and meant to guide your people, not be reduced to commodities!"
Trump: (Ignoring the divine wrath, still scribbling away) "Yeah, yeah, but here’s the thing—gold sells. I know what people want. Gold is huge. You ever seen a golden tablet? It’s got class, it’s got style. People are going to want these. Believe me."
Yahweh: (Voice thundering, growing more impatient) "I gave these commandments to establish justice and morality! They are not for your profit, Trump!"
Trump: (With an exaggerated shrug) "Well, you know what they say—good commandments are good business. I’m just thinking about marketing, okay? I’m making sure these commandments get the attention they deserve. I’ve got the best people. The best."
[Yahweh lets out an exasperated sigh, and suddenly, the commandments start floating in the air in golden letters, each one glowing with divine brilliance.]
Yahweh: (More forcefully now) "Thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, thou shalt not bear false witness! You will respect these laws!"
Trump: (Puffs out chest, speaking as though he’s an expert on the commandments) "Alright, alright, but here’s the thing—thou shalt not kill? You’ve gotta think about context here. We need to define who is doing the killing, and why, alright? Big difference between someone with a huge empire and someone without—"
Yahweh: (Cutting him off) "Enough, Trump! These commandments are not to be interpreted by you! You will respect the divine order!"
Trump: (Ignoring the divine interruption, pulling out a phone) "I’m just saying—there’s room for some tweaks here. Just a little marketing, okay? Maybe we throw in some ‘limited edition’ commandments. People love those. People will want to follow these rules if they’re special enough."
Yahweh: (A blast of lightning sends Trump stumbling backwards) "YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME, TRUMP!"
Trump: (Stumbling, still with that smug smile) "Alright, alright. You’re the boss, I get it. But these commandments? They’ll be great. You just need someone who knows how to sell them."
Yahweh: (With exasperation, thunder rumbling louder) "You’re impossible. I gave you life, and you turned it into a branding opportunity."
[Trump, not deterred, brushes off the divine fury and starts inspecting the glowing tablets.]
Trump: "You know, these tablets are nice, but I think we can make them bigger. Maybe a bit more flashy. People want to see bold commandments. The biggest commandments, with huge lettering. You want to make an impression."
Yahweh: (Now completely fed up) "You are a disaster. Take your gold and your branding and leave my sacred mountain. You have no understanding of true righteousness!"
Trump: (Chuckling to himself as he starts walking toward the helicopter) "Fine, fine. But you’ll be thanking me when people are talking about these commandments for centuries. You’ll see. It’s going to be huge."
[As Trump boards the helicopter, Yahweh lets out a final, divine growl. The mountain shakes, and the commandments glow one last time before fading into the ether, leaving only echoes of frustration behind.]
End Scene.
