Californians have decided to secede from the United States after the election of a criminal president, the movement is dubbed "CaliExit," complete with a slick marketing campaign featuring surfboards, avocado toast, and a golden bear holding a ballot.
The story begins at the California State Capitol, where Governor Gavin Newsom makes the dramatic announcement:
“We can no longer tolerate being led by someone whose moral compass was sold at a pawn shop decades ago. The Republic of California shall stand independent!”
The campaign’s unofficial anthem becomes California Dreamin’, but with updated lyrics about leaving the Union. Late-night comedy shows mock the situation by imagining California issuing its own currency—"avocoins"—and requiring passports to enter Disneyland.
The federal government’s response is hilariously inept. President Trump sends out a series of all-caps tweets:
"CALIFORNIA THINKS THEY CAN LEAVE? SAD! THEY NEED ME MORE THAN I NEED THEM!!! HUGE MISTAKE!"
As tensions rise, Hollywood celebrities step in to broker peace talks. Tom Hanks acts as the de facto ambassador, but negotiations are hilariously sabotaged when Trump demands that Mar-a-Lago be named California's capital as a condition for their re-entry.
Meanwhile, Silicon Valley develops an app called "Caliberation" to track the secession progress in real-time. The app’s popularity causes the U.S. stock market to plummet when Wall Street realises that without California’s economy, the Union might as well declare bankruptcy.
Finally, in a farcical twist, Florida begins its own campaign to secede, claiming it will become the "Trump Nation."
