Scene: A meeting at the White House.
Trump: "Alright, team, it's time to get this country back on track!"
Kristi Noem: "I’ve got 5,000 National Guard soldiers ready to defend the border with glitter cannons and chili cook-offs."
Lee Zeldin: "I've banned all clean air regulations. The first policy? Fracking in Central Park!"
Tulsi Gabbard: "I’ve just signed an executive order to remove all US military forces from… well, everywhere."
Trump: "Perfect. What could go wrong?"
John Ratcliffe: "I’ve appointed a squirrel as the new head of cyber security."
Elise Stefanik: "We’ve told the UN we’re leaving... again."
Trump: "It’s going great, folks, just great."
Trump: "Alright, everyone, we’re making history!"
Matt Gaetz: "I’ve just introduced a bill to make sure every courtroom has a live-streamed pizza party. It’s democracy in action!"
Pete Hegseth: "I’ve declared all veterans are now required to enroll in a 'Freedom and Grilling' boot camp. No exceptions."
Thomas Homan: "I’ve moved forward with Operation Border Slap. It's an ‘extreme measures’ initiative. We're using rubber bands."
Michael Waltz: "I’ve sent the National Guard to protect the Statue of Liberty... from being woke."
Elon Musk: "I’ve secured Mars as our new national park. First colonists get free Wi-Fi and Tesla trucks!"
Trump: "I knew it was gonna be a success. Who could argue with this plan?"
