Title: Trump in the Garden of Eden: The Pre-Fall Negotiator
The Garden of Eden, lush and pristine, radiated perfection. A golden-haired figure strolled through, adjusting his red tie and examining the flora with a critical eye.
“Nice place,” Trump muttered, picking an apple from the Tree of Knowledge. “Really nice. But let me tell you, it could be better. I mean, where’s the golf course?”
“Psst, Donald,” it hissed, coiling around the Tree. “How about a taste of wisdom?”
Trump waved dismissively. “Listen, snake, I already know everything. People say I’m the wisest guy in the garden—probably ever. Huge brain, okay? But hey, let me ask you: is this apple organic? Bigly important.”
The serpent blinked, momentarily thrown off. “Well, uh, yes. Locally sourced. Non-GMO.”
Trump nodded approvingly. “Good branding. Smart move. Maybe I’ll take a bite later. But first, let’s talk about this Eden. Who’s running it? I could take over. Make Eden great again.”
“Adam! Eve! You’re doing great. Amazing genetics. But here’s the thing—you’re underutilised. I could make you stars. Ever thought about franchising?”
Adam blinked. “Franchising what?”
“Fig leaves,” Trump said, gesturing dramatically. “Everyone’s gonna want one when the animals start wearing clothes. I’ll even throw my name on it: Trump Fig Leaves™. Exclusive deal.”
Eve frowned. “We don’t need clothes.”
Trump leaned in conspiratorially. “Not yet. Trust me.”
“Donald, what are you doing?”
Trump looked up, unfazed. “Oh, hi God. Great garden, really. But listen, we need to talk about management. Your branding’s a little weak. God? Kind of vague. Have you considered ‘The Almighty Trump-God Partnership™’? Gold lettering, maybe?”
There was a long pause.
“Donald,” God said, “I created perfection.”
Trump waved a hand. “Sure, sure. But you forgot infrastructure. No roads? No walls? What if Eden gets invaded by, I don’t know, other gardens? I’m just saying, let me take the lead. I’m the best at leading. Ask anyone.”
“Donald, just eat the apple already!”
Trump smirked. “Why would I eat it? I am knowledge. Nobody knows more about apples than me. But hey, I’ll keep you around. You’re great for morale. Tremendous hissing.”
As Trump strolled off, Eve turned to Adam. “Do you think he’s part of the plan?”
Adam shook his head. “Definitely the wild card.”
High above, God facepalmed.
And thus, the Garden of Eden remained intact—temporarily. But somehow, Trump had managed to plant the seeds of chaos anyway.
