Scene: A suburban backyard, where a vicious pitbull stands, teeth bared, looking ready to pounce. A Woke hipster stands firm, hands on hips, ready to engage in a battle of ideologies.
Woke (in a tone of complete confidence):
"Now, listen, friend. I know you're angry, and that's perfectly valid. You're reacting because society has conditioned you to be territorial, but we're going to break that down together, okay? It’s time for you to reclaim your truth!"
Pitbull (snarling, muscles tense, not impressed):
Snarl… growl…
Bark!
Woke (nodding sagely, completely oblivious to the danger):
"Look, I get it. You’ve been socialised to believe that dominance equals strength. But have you considered that your strength could come from community, from love, from sharing your toys and your bones with others?"
Gestures towards the dog’s chew toy.
"Sharing is empowering, my friend."
Pitbull (snaps at the air, teeth clashing):
Bark bark!
Woke (undeterred, raising a finger as if unveiling a revelation):
"You see, your bark is not aggression. It’s a cry for help! I mean, who wouldn't be angry after years of toxic masculinity forced upon them? All you need is a safe space to express your feelings. How about we start with some deep breathing exercises?"
Pitbull (immediately lunges toward them, growling):
BARK! Snarrrrrrl!
Woke (unfazed, striking a zen pose):
"See? That’s just your shadow self coming out. We all have a shadow side, and that’s okay. You’ve been conditioned by the patriarchy to react like this, but we can unlearn this toxic response together. I know it’s tough, but let’s try an affirmation, shall we?"
Pitbull (snarling, ready to charge):
Growl… snarl
Another furious lunge!
Woke (spreading their arms wide as if announcing a grand social movement):
"You are loved, you are enough, and you do not need to bite in order to feel powerful! Let's start by addressing your insecurities—there’s no shame in needing reassurance."
Pitbull (immediately starts barking louder, chasing the Woke hipster around the backyard):
BARK! BARK BARK!
Chasing them in a frenzy
Woke (hysterically still trying to apply the logic of social justice):
"Why are you running from your feelings? It’s your internalised aggression, isn’t it? This is a teachable moment. We’re going to break through this wall together!"
Pitbull (still chasing, showing no signs of stopping):
Bark Growl Snarrrrrr!
Woke (dodging the pitbull with increasing panic):
"Okay, okay, let's try something different—positive reinforcement! I’ll give you a treat if you just stop chasing me! Look, it’s organic, locally sourced…"
Pitbull (growing more agitated and charging straight at them):
BARK BARK BARK!!!
Woke (finally backing away in terror, realising that all the affirmations in the world won't save them):
"Uh, maybe we need to revisit our approach. Clearly, you haven’t fully deconstructed your patriarchal conditioning yet. We’ll work on it, though. One kale smoothie at a time."
