Make Trump Great Again by ChatGPT

Trump at a Rally:

"Folks, let me tell you something. People are saying—many people, the best people—they’re saying, 'Sir, you’re great.' And I agree. I’m great. But you know what? I could be greater. Much greater. I’m talking off-the-charts great. That’s why today, I’m launching a brand-new campaign: Make Trump Great Again! MTGA!"

(The crowd, initially puzzled, starts chanting “MTGA! MTGA!” because they don’t want to appear unpatriotic.)

Trump nods, arms wide:

"That’s right! And we’re gonna make Trump so great, folks, it’s gonna blow your minds. First off, I’m introducing the Trump Greatness Index. It’s gonna be the official measure of how great I am. It’ll have metrics like rally crowd size, number of handshakes crushed, and—get this—how many eagles land on my shoulder during speeches. Tremendous index, folks. Totally scientific. Everyone will use it!"

(A poorly CGI’d eagle awkwardly flaps onto a screen behind him, and the crowd goes wild.)

"And listen, I’m not just stopping there. You know Mount Rushmore? It’s nice. But let’s be honest, those guys are overrated. I’m announcing Mount Trumpmore! An entire mountain carved with just my face. One mountain isn’t enough for all this greatness, folks, so we’ll use three. One face for each side. You’ll see me smiling, serious, and doing the pointy thing I do at rallies."

(He demonstrates his signature finger-point, and the crowd roars.)

"And to really Make Trump Great Again, we need a global strategy. I’m officially changing the name of the planet to Planet Trump. It’s better branding! Earth is boring. Trump is exciting. And don’t worry, we’ll update all the maps. Kids will learn about Planet Trump in schools. Beautiful schools, by the way, which I’ll also name after me. Every school will be Trump Academy for Greatness—no boring classes, just tremendous winning!"

(Aides are frantically signalling to cut his mic, but he barrels on.)

"And hats—oh, folks, you’re gonna love this. The MTGA hats will be three feet tall. THREE FEET. Why? Because bigger is better! These hats will tower over the fake news media. And get this—they’ll come with built-in WiFi so you can stream my speeches straight from the hat! Genius, right? Nobody’s ever done that before!"

(The crowd, overwhelmed by the sheer audacity, starts tossing money onto the stage. Trump grins, picking up a dollar bill and holding it aloft.)

"Look at this! The new Trump dollar. Coming soon. It’s me, folks. It’s me on the money! Forget Lincoln. Forget Washington. They were fine. But Trump? Trump is MONEY. MTGA! MTGA!"

(The rally ends with a confetti cannon malfunction, showering the crowd with Trump-branded coupons for steaks, hats, and statues.)