Donald Trump’s "Make the Internet Great Again" Rally
Scene: A massive digital arena filled with flashing neon signs that read Make the Internet Great Again. Screens display pixelated GIFs of Trump photoshopped into iconic memes. In the crowd, a mix of Boomers, meme-lovers, and a few confused tech CEOs. Trump takes the stage with a massive LED screen behind him reading: #MAGA: More Access to Great Apps Always
Trump:
"Folks, let me tell you something—this internet? It was once beautiful. It was free, open, and we all shared our thoughts—whether it was cat videos, conspiracies about birds being government spies, or that perfect photo of your lunch. It was incredible. But now, what do we have? Censorship, shadow-banning, algorithms telling us what we can say—terrible, folks. Terrible. That’s why we’re here: to Make the Internet Great Again!"
(A fan yells, “We want dial-up back!” Trump nods sagely.)
Trump:
"Remember dial-up? You’d hear that sound—brrrrrrriiiing! Beep! Boop!—and you knew you were about to enter the greatest place on Earth. Now we’ve got fiber optic, 5G—nobody even knows what they’re doing with it. We’re bringing back dial-up. The slow connection? That’s character, folks. It builds patience. And patience wins!"
(The crowd is divided. A few tech entrepreneurs wince. A grandmother in the front row raises her hand, asking, “What’s a dial-up?” Trump barrels on.)
Trump:
"We’re going to put an end to these social media fact-checkers. These guys are like the referees in football—always ruining the fun. One little joke and bam! Flagged. No more, folks. You’ll post a picture of your dog wearing a hat and it’s flagged. Unbelievable. We’re going to let the people decide what’s true again. No more censorship. If you don’t like it, you can scroll on. No more ‘fact-checking’ folks—just real people, having real conversations!"
(Applause from the crowd. A tech blogger whispers, “This is literally the opposite of what the internet needs…” Trump waves a hand dismissively.)
Trump:
"And let's talk about privacy. They tell you, ‘Oh, the internet is watching you!’ Guess what? I know more about privacy than anyone. I invented privacy—well, my people did. What do you want to hide, folks? You’re using the internet for your memes, your cooking recipes—so you’re safe. But we’re going to make sure it’s safer. People aren’t gonna steal your data. You’ll keep your memes. You’ll keep your cookies. All of it!"
(Laughter. A cybersecurity expert gasps in horror as Trump continues.)
Trump:
"Then we’ve got these so-called ‘internet influencers.’ Folks, I know influencers—they do nothing, they get paid for doing nothing, and everyone loves them! But we’re going to make it great again—real influencers. The people who work hard, post about real stuff. We’re going to reward them. Everyone gets a platform. But no more—no more talking about how many followers you have. We’re going to bring back real content. Like real people posting about food they’ve made and cats they've rescued. You know—good, wholesome stuff."
(Cheers. A YouTube vlogger cries in the corner as Trump raises his hands.)
Trump:
"And these pop-ups! Don’t even get me started. Every time you want to click on something—boom! You’re stuck in some advertisement for vitamins you don’t need. No more, folks. We’re going to have only the best ads—Trump-approved ads. Only the best for our people. Buy Trump steaks! Buy Trump water! Great products—no pop-ups."
(The crowd laughs, some shaking their heads.)
Trump:
"Lastly, folks, we’re bringing back net neutrality. But we’re going to do it my way—fair access, fast access, and you get what you pay for. If you want the best memes, you’ll get them. If you want low-quality memes, fine, you’ll get those too. But you won’t be slowed down. We’re going to make the internet great again by giving you what you want—freedom, speed, and memes."
(The crowd erupts in applause, a few people on their phones nervously checking Twitter, which is now glitching with messages like, “Are you sure you want to say this?” Trump nods approvingly.)
Trump:
"So, folks, I ask for your help. Together, we’re going to make the internet great again. We’ll bring back dial-up, let you post freely, protect your cookies, and give you the best ads and the best memes. Nobody’s going to make the internet great again like we will!"
(Confetti in the shape of emoji faces rains down. A meme of Trump photoshopped into the "Distracted Boyfriend" meme flashes across the screen. The crowd chants, “Make the internet great again!” as Trump exits to the sound of "All Star" by Smash Mouth.)
End scene.
