Make Cancel Culture Great Again by ChatGPT

Trump (at the podium, adjusting his tie, looking proud of himself):

"Thank you, thank you, everybody! It’s great to be here, truly. You know, a lot of people are talking about cancel culture, but let me tell you—nobody knows cancel culture like I do. I invented it, folks. I’ve been cancelling things for years. And now, we’re going to make it great again! You heard me right—MAKE CANCEL CULTURE GREAT AGAIN!"

(The crowd responds with a mix of confused applause and a few hesitant cheers. Trump gestures to the crowd as though he’s already won them over.)

"Now, some of the haters—they don’t get it. They don’t understand what we’re doing here. They think cancel culture is about, you know, silencing people, but it’s not! No, no, folks. Cancel culture is about empowerment. It’s about freedom. We’re going to give everyone the freedom to cancel whatever they want. And trust me, nobody cancels better than me."

(A person in the front row raises a sign that says “#MakeCancelCultureGreatAgain.” Trump points to them and smiles.)

Trump:

"You see, this person gets it! That’s right. People talk about canceling—oh, they say, ‘It’s bad, it’s divisive!’ No, it’s necessary, folks. We’re going to cancel things that need to be cancelled—people, companies, even whole ideas—if they’re not good enough. If they’re not doing it the Trump way, they need to go! We’re going to cancel them, and we’re going to do it right."

(A voice from the back of the room yells, "What does that even mean?")

Trump (waving his hand dismissively):

"Don’t worry, I’ll explain. You see, people don’t understand, okay? It’s like when you cancel your cable subscription. You’re freeing yourself from the bad stuff. We’re going to cancel the bad shows, the bad people, the bad policies. We’re canceling the losers, folks. And trust me, there are a lot of losers out there."

(A man in the crowd shouts, “What about you? You’ve been cancelled like a hundred times!” Trump freezes, his smile twitching.)

Trump (grinning):

"Oh, please. I’m the master of being cancelled. You know, I’ve been cancelled more times than anyone else, okay? Everybody tries to cancel me, but I always come back stronger. Like a boomerang, folks. A boomerang. But this time, we’re not just coming back. We’re coming back with the best cancel culture, folks. The greatest cancel culture you’ve ever seen."

(The crowd looks at each other, some unsure whether to cheer or leave. A confused woman in the front row raises her hand.)

Woman in the crowd:

"So you’re saying we should cancel everything?"

Trump (nodding enthusiastically):

"Exactly! But not everything, okay? We’re not cancelling the good stuff. We’re not cancelling America. We’re not cancelling freedom. We’re just going to cancel the things that are holding us back. Things like... the radical left, fake news, and bad coffee. You know, bad coffee, folks. Terrible coffee. We’re gonna cancel that too. It’s going to be great."

(A man in the back yells, "What about free speech?!" Trump spins around, eyes wide, like he’s just had a revelation.)

Trump:

"Free speech? Oh, I love free speech! I’m all for free speech. But you see, there’s a difference, okay? Free speech is about good speech. We’re only canceling the bad speech. The fake speech. We’re going to have the best speech. Speech that makes America proud. Beautiful speech. So, you can say whatever you want, just not the bad stuff. Got it?"

(The crowd is unsure, but a few people clap, not knowing what they’re clapping for.)

Trump (leaning forward, speaking conspiratorially):

"And here’s the best part: when you cancel something, you don’t have to feel bad about it. Nope. You’re helping. You’re doing your part, folks. You’re doing a service. You’re freeing people from the nonsense. And believe me, we’ve got plenty of nonsense to cancel. We’re going to cancel the nonsense bigly."

(Someone in the crowd starts chanting, “Cancel the nonsense! Cancel the nonsense!” The chant catches on, but there’s no clear idea of what “nonsense” actually refers to.)

Trump:

"Exactly! I love it! You guys are getting it! But listen, we’re not just talking about canceling people like politicians, okay? We’re canceling things that are holding America back. Things like... bad TV shows, fake influencers, bad fashion choices, and—don’t get me started on pineapple on pizza. That’s gotta go, folks. It’s a disgrace. Disgrace."

(A man stands up with a “Pineapple Pizza Lives!” sign and boos. Trump points at him.)

Trump (mockingly):

"Oh, we’ve got a pineapple pizza lover in the house! Folks, this is the problem. This is why we need to make cancel culture great again. People need to be free from this nonsense. It's a disaster. Believe me."

(The man sits down reluctantly, looking defeated. A young woman in the crowd shouts, “But what if we don’t want to cancel everything? What if we want to have choices?”)

Trump (laughing as if it’s the funniest thing ever):

"Oh, come on, sweetheart. Choices? We don’t need choices. We need better choices! We’re gonna give you the best choices, okay? You’re gonna have choices like never before—choices so good, they’ll make your head spin. But no more bad choices. No more loser choices. Just the greatest ones. Got it?"

(The crowd is now applauding, although many still look bewildered. Some are clapping enthusiastically while others are checking their phones for clarity.)

Trump (slamming the podium):

"So let me tell you, folks—we’re going to cancel all the bad things, and we’re going to make America great again. We’re going to make cancel culture great again. And we’re going to do it in the best way. Trust me, you’ll be thankful. You’ll be so happy, you won’t even know what hit you."

(Trump gestures to the crowd like he’s just delivered a masterstroke of logic. The applause is a bit louder now, but the audience is definitely divided. Some are clapping feverishly, others are shaking their heads, unsure if they just got brainwashed or enlightened.)

Trump (nodding as if to himself):

"That’s right, folks. Thank you. You’ve been great. And remember—cancel the losers, keep the winners, and make cancel culture great again! God bless you, and God bless America!"

End scene.

Make Prisons Great Again by ChatGPT

Make Prisons Great Again

Scene: A large rally in a gleaming, new facility with towering gates and shining barbed wire, emblazoned with a giant banner reading “Make Prisons Great Again.” The crowd, a mix of prison reformers, disgruntled inmates, and curious tourists, buzzes with anticipation. Trump takes the stage, his hair defying gravity once again, holding a speech scroll that looks suspiciously like a fast food menu.

---

Trump (smiling widely, addressing the crowd):

“Thank you, thank you, everybody. We’re here today to talk about something that’s been mistreated, honestly, for far too long. Prisons. People don’t realize just how great prisons can be. The best prisons. The greatest prisons. I’ve seen a lot of prisons, folks. And let me tell you, some of them are really bad. Just awful. But we’re going to change that, believe me. We’re going to Make Prisons Great Again.”

---

The crowd murmurs, confused, but polite. Trump waves his hand dramatically.

---

Trump (continuing):

“Now, some of you might say, ‘Oh, but Mr. Trump, prisons are for punishment and rehabilitation.’ Let me tell you, folks, punishment is too soft. We’re going to turn it around. We’re going to make prisons so great, you’ll want to be there. You’ll look forward to it. You know what? Maybe we’ll even have a hotel section! For those who really want to be comfortable. We’ll have the best accommodations, folks. Tremendous accommodations.”

---

The crowd stares blankly. A reform activist stands up, shaking their head.

---

Reform Activist (confused):

“But... Mr. Trump, prison is supposed to be a place for rehabilitation. For reform. People need to be given a chance to reintegrate into society, not treated like... like resorts.”

---

Trump (waving them off):

“No, no, no, folks. You’re missing it. Rehabilitation is overrated. It’s all about experience. You go in, you get the best service, you meet people. Maybe even a spa day! People love spas, and you know what? It’s all part of making them feel better about themselves. We’ll have luxury suites, gourmet meals, and state-of-the-art security—the best security. No one does security like me. Believe me.”

---

A man from the back of the room, clearly an ex-inmate, raises his hand.

---

Ex-Inmate (skeptical):

“Mr. Trump, how are we supposed to pay for all this luxury? Prison reform needs to address things like overcrowding, poor conditions, and mental health services.”

---

Trump (laughing confidently):

“Simple. We’ll make it a business venture. You know how great I am at business, right? Tremendous at business. We’ll build luxury prisons with the best amenities, and the government will pay for it. People will volunteer to go! It’ll be like a vacation. A really bad vacation—but you’ll get great food. And the best workouts. The best. Everyone will get a personal trainer. I mean, it’s huge.”

---

A prison guard, looking increasingly uncomfortable, speaks up.

---

Prison Guard (cautiously):

“But... Mr. Trump, doesn’t that defeat the whole point of punishment? If it’s like a vacation, what’s the incentive to change behavior?”

---

Trump (smiling proudly):

“Punishment is old-fashioned, okay? Old. We’re moving into the future now. We’re not just about punishment. We’re about giving people a second chance. It’s about giving them the best experience while they’re there. And you know what? The better the experience, the better the reform. They’ll leave ready to start fresh. They won’t want to break the law again—they’ll be too busy enjoying their poolside margaritas. It’s all about changing the environment. Positive thinking, folks.”

---

The reform activist from earlier opens their mouth to protest, but is drowned out by a rising cheer from the audience, who seem to be oddly excited about the prospect of “poolside margaritas” in prison. A business executive in the front row, taking notes, raises their hand.

---

Business Executive (enthusiastically):

“Mr. Trump, I think you’re onto something here. If we turn prisons into destination locations, we could create a whole new market for... um, let’s call it ‘correctional tourism.’ I’d love to invest.”

---

Trump (grinning):

“Exactly! That’s the spirit! Imagine it: Trump’s Luxury Prisons. Exclusive, high-end experiences where every inmate gets a customised itinerary. Maybe even a golf course! Who doesn’t love golf, huh? And you know what? I’m going to open a casino next to every prison. If they’re good, they can even earn a stay at Trump Tower. I’m making great decisions. Believe me.”

---

The crowd erupts in cheers, unsure whether they’re being serious or if they’ve all wandered into a bizarre fever dream. One of the attendees, an anthropologist, stands up to comment.

---

Anthropologist (deadpan):

“Mr. Trump, are you suggesting that prisoners should be treated like tourists? A little pampering while serving time?”

---

Trump (pointing dramatically):

“Exactly! You get it! They’ll get the best experience—high-end dining, top-tier spas, maybe even a personal chef! I’m all about luxury. You know what? I’ll make it so good that people will be begging to go to prison. It’ll be the best prison system—unbelievable. The best. You won’t even recognise it. Make Prisons Great Again! Thank you!”

---

Trump winks at the audience and walks off stage, satisfied with his latest “great” idea, while a few reform advocates look at each other in existential despair.

---

Fade out to the sound of a prison bell, followed by the faint sound of clinking champagne glasses.

Make Reasoning Great Again by ChatGPT

Make Reasoning Great Again

Scene: A large auditorium filled with students, philosophers, and perplexed onlookers. At the front, a stage draped in red, white, and blue banners, each reading “Make Reasoning Great Again.” A giant screen flashes the words in bold, garish font. At the podium stands Donald Trump, grinning broadly, his hair as immovable as ever, clutching a stack of papers he clearly has no intention of reading. The crowd sits in a mixture of confusion and morbid curiosity.

---

Trump (gesturing widely):

“Thank you, thank you, everyone! We’re here today to talk about something that has been, frankly, so underappreciated for years: reasoning. You know, folks, we’ve been talking a lot about logic, but it’s been bad. Really bad. Let me tell you, no one reasons like me. Nobody. So today, I’m going to make reasoning great again. It’s gonna be tremendous, you won’t believe it!”

---

A few skeptical murmurs ripple through the audience. A philosopher in the back raises their hand, looking dubious.

---

Philosopher (dryly):

“Mr. Trump, with all due respect, reasoning is a complex process. It requires structured thinking, evidence, and careful analysis. It’s not something you can simply... make great with slogans.”

---

Trump (smiling confidently):

“Structured thinking? Evidence? Folks, I’ve seen it all. I know exactly what you mean, but here’s the thing: reasoning is a mess. It’s too complicated! Too many steps. Too much thinking about thinking. So I’m going to make it simple. You’ll see. It’s gonna be easy. And the best part is, you won’t need all those big words and complicated systems. I have a genius plan.”

---

Philosopher (looking concerned):

“Are you suggesting we should simplify reasoning to the point of making it... less rigorous?”

---

Trump (nodding vigorously):

“Exactly! Too much rigor, too much fancy stuff. Let’s cut to the chase. For example, take logic. What is it? It’s like math, right? But we don’t need all those proofs and formulas. We just need to feel it. You know it when you’re right. And you know what? I’m right. Every time. So if I say, ‘2 + 2 = 5,’ guess what? It’s right. Believe me.”

---

The audience collectively gasps. A philosopher raises both hands, incredulous.

---

Philosopher (shocked):

“But... Mr. Trump, that’s not how it works. Two plus two is four. It’s a basic truth, a logical fact.”

---

Trump (waving them off dismissively):

“Listen, listen, I know math, okay? I know numbers. People are saying I have the best numbers. And these facts—they’re outdated. They’re old-fashioned. We’re going to make new facts. Modern facts. My facts. And let me tell you, those facts are gonna be so good, you won’t even believe them. Really fantastic facts. The best.”

---

A member of the audience, a mathematician, stands up, looking flustered.

---

Mathematician (frustrated):

“Mr. Trump, this is deeply concerning. Reasoning is about consistency, evidence, and coherence. You can’t just decide something is true without supporting it with sound reasoning.”

---

Trump (interrupting, getting more animated):

“Look, folks, I’m a decider. That’s what I do best. If I decide that orange is the new blue, guess what? It’s blue. You just have to believe it. It’s called positive thinking. Positive reasoning. You can’t argue with that. Believe me. You know who really gets it? Me. I’m the king of reasoning.”

---

The philosopher and mathematician look at each other, shaking their heads in disbelief. A quiet murmur runs through the crowd as a logic professor, clearly at their wit’s end, stands up.

---

Logic Professor (sighing heavily):

“Mr. Trump, this is not how reasoning works. It’s about making consistent, valid arguments based on evidence. You can’t just declare things to be true. There’s a process—”

---

Trump (cutting them off, raising a finger triumphantly):

“Ah, process. I’ve heard about that. People love to talk about process. But let me tell you, it’s too slow, okay? You want a process? My process is instant. No waiting around. No facts, no logic. Just go with your gut, and that’s reasoning. And the best part? People will start to agree with me. They will. I have the best reasoning. Everyone says so. So simple. So effective.”

---

The room is silent. The professors look at each other, clearly struggling to process the absurdity. Trump paces in front of them, beaming with pride.

---

Trump (pointing to the crowd, as if making a profound point):

“You see, folks? It’s easy. Reasoning doesn’t have to be hard. I’ve made it great again. I’ve simplified it. Why do we need all this complicated reasoning when we can just decide what’s true? If you don’t like it, you’re probably a loser who doesn’t understand how great I am.”

---

A student in the front row raises their hand, speaking with the faintest hint of sarcasm.

---

Student (dryly):

“Mr. Trump, are you suggesting that reasoning is just about asserting things without evidence?”

---

Trump (winking):

“Exactly! You got it! See, this kid gets it. That’s the future of reasoning. Make Reasoning Great Again—no more waiting for proof, no more slow thinking. Just decide and make it happen. It’s the only way.”

---

He turns to the crowd, arms outstretched like a preacher delivering the gospel.

---

Trump (loudly):

“Who’s with me? We’re going to make reasoning the best, most spectacular thing you’ve ever seen. It’s gonna be huge!”

Make Democracy Great Again by ChatGPT

Make Democracy Great Again

Scene: A grand hall, with flags of various nations hanging from the ceiling. A giant podium sits at the centre, adorned with red, white, and blue bunting. Trump stands behind the podium, wearing a suit that’s too big for him, flanked by a group of confused aides. The crowd is a mixture of die-hard fans, a few cynical politicos, and an awkwardly placed group of school children on a field trip.

---

Trump (with his signature hand gesture):

“Thank you, thank you, everyone. You know, democracy, it used to be great. It used to be big. But now? Not so much. We’ve got problems, folks. We’ve got fake news, we’ve got fake votes, and let me tell you, I’ve been to a lot of elections, and I know how they should be run. We are going to make democracy great again. Bigger than ever before.”

---

The crowd cheers, but the schoolchildren look confused. One of them raises a hand.

---

Schoolchild:

“But Mr. Trump, isn’t democracy about people having their say, not just making it big and loud?”

---

Trump (grinning confidently):

“You’re wrong, kid. Let me tell you something. Big is good. People want to be heard, but they also want the best kind of democracy, the kind where everyone gets the chance to really vote. And I mean, really vote. Not these tiny elections with only a few people involved. We’re going to make democracy so big, so huge, everyone will want to join in. We’re talking elections so massive, they’ll make your head spin. Trust me, you’ll be shocked.”

---

An aide whispers in his ear, and Trump nods, then gestures grandly to the giant touchscreen behind him. It shows a live poll, with only one option: “Trump’s Democracy: YES or YES?”

---

Trump:

“Now, folks, this is the kind of democracy we’re talking about. We’ve got one question, and everyone gets to answer it. It’s simple. It’s straightforward. Yes or YES. And I’ll tell you, I’ve never seen a more democratic system than this. No complicated ballots, no confusing choices. Just one option, and everyone agrees. That’s how you run a great democracy.”

---

The crowd awkwardly claps, unsure whether to be impressed or terrified. Trump smiles broadly, soaking it in. A local politician, sitting in the front row, raises their hand.

---

Politician:

“But, Mr. Trump, that’s not really how democracy works. People need options, choice. They need a voice.”

---

Trump (slightly annoyed but dismissive):

“No, no, no. You’re thinking too small. That’s the problem with you politicians. You want complicated. Well, we don’t need complicated. We need big. We need SIMPLE. This whole idea of choice is overrated. Let me tell you, I know the people. And they want to vote, but they don’t want to think. Not too much. So we’re making democracy great again. We’re going to make voting so easy, you won’t even know you’re doing it. We’re talking about clicking—just a little click, and boom, democracy works.”

---

The screen behind him flickers and changes to a new message: “Vote for Trump - The Ultimate Choice.” A few in the audience glance at each other nervously.

---

Trump (gesturing grandly at the screen):

“See that? That’s democracy. You’ve got to make it easy for the people. Make it so easy that even you can do it while eating a Big Mac. In fact, I’m thinking of a new policy where every voter gets a Big Mac when they vote. Big Mac democracy. What could be more American?”

---

A murmur of confusion spreads through the crowd. One person stands up, clearly flustered.

---

Audience Member:

“But Mr. Trump, that doesn’t sound like real democracy. What about fairness? Accountability?”

---

Trump (smiling reassuringly):

“Fairness? Accountability? Let me tell you something—those things are so 2000s. We’re past that. We’ve moved on. What people want is results. And when I’m in charge, we’re going to have results. We’re going to have huge results. Bigger than any other democracy in history. No one knows democracy better than I do. Believe me.”

---

He pauses, looking around the room with a satisfied smile. Suddenly, the door bursts open and a group of overly enthusiastic supporters rush in, chanting “Trump! Trump! Trump!” They’re followed by a group of confused-looking election officials who have clearly been paid to be there.

---

Trump (pointing to them):

“Now, that’s what I call democracy in action. We’ve got people showing up, people voting. The best kind of democracy. It’s so good, we might just have to export it to the whole world. Make the world great again, folks. But first, we start here. We start with a strong democracy, the best democracy.”

---

He smiles broadly, raising his hands in victory. The crowd starts to chant in unison, "Make Democracy Great Again!" as the cameras flash. Meanwhile, a confused person in the back of the room starts to write down suggestions for real electoral reform, but no one notices.

---

Trump (to the crowd):

“Remember, folks, democracy doesn’t need to be complicated. It just needs to be big. And with me, it’s going to be the best, you won’t believe it. Thank you, and don’t forget to grab your Big Macs on the way out!”

---

Credits roll, accompanied by the sound of a single, very loud, overly synthesised anthem titled “Trump’s Democracy—Bigger Than Your Freedom.”

Make Fundamentalism Great Again by ChatGPT

Make Fundamentalism Great Again

Scene: A remote compound in the Appalachian mountains, rechristened "Trumpland Holy Haven." A massive billboard at the entrance reads: "Fundamentalism, but Make It Classy." Trump, dressed in a shimmering white suit with a gold tie, stands before a crowd of loyal followers, flanked by Elon Musk holding blueprints for a Fundamentalism App.

---

Trump:

“Folks, we’re here to do something incredible. Tremendous. We’re going to make fundamentalism great again! For too long, people have said, ‘Oh, fundamentalists, they’re too extreme, too rigid.’ You know what I say to that? Weak! Pathetic! Look at me—am I rigid? Absolutely! And it’s worked beautifully.”

---

The crowd cheers. Several wave placards reading "Literal Truth, Tremendous Truth!" and "Evolution is FAKE NEWS."

---

Trump:

“First of all, we’re banning science. All of it. It’s confusing, and people don’t like it. You know, they tell me the Earth is round—some people are saying flat. Who knows? The truth is, I’ve been on a lot of golf courses, and they all look flat to me. So, from now on, the Trump Doctrine is this: flat Earth, flat taxes, flat-out winning.”

---

Elon Musk:

(jumping in eagerly)

“Mr President, I’ve designed a faith-powered rocket that only works if everyone prays hard enough.”

---

Trump:

“That’s the kind of innovation we need! Faith-based technology. It’s like I always say: miracles are the original patents.”

---

The crowd applauds wildly as Trump gestures for silence.

---

Trump:

“Now, let’s talk about the rules, okay? Old fundamentalism—too harsh, too boring. Nobody wants to wear black all the time. We’re introducing Trumpdamentalism™. Same fire and brimstone, but with a little razzle-dazzle. Forget sackcloth—think sequins. And those doomsday prophecies? We’re spicing them up with celebrity cameos. Armageddon, brought to you by Kanye West!”

---

A murmur of approval ripples through the crowd. A televangelist in the front row faints from excitement.

---

Trump:

“And let’s make the Bible exciting again. I’m talking about The Trump Edition. Special gold-leaf pages, my face on the cover, and—wait for it—a pop-up Revelation chapter. You’ll open it up, and boom! The Beast appears, but he’s got a much better haircut than before. People will love it. Huge bestseller.”

---

Elon Musk:

“And we can link it to the Fundamentalism App! It’ll send daily notifications like, ‘Repent now for 10% off Trump Holy Water.’”

---

Trump:

(smiling)

“Brilliant. You know, Elon, some people say you’re smarter than me, but don’t get any ideas. God may have chosen me, but I’ll fire Him if He underperforms.”

---

Crowd:

(laughing nervously)

“MCGA! MCGA!”

---

Trump:

“Finally, I’m rolling out a new approach to evangelism. Door-to-door is old news. We’re going door-to-door by drone! Each drone drops off a Trumpdamentalism™ starter pack—hat, Bible, and a DVD of my greatest sermons. Nobody does sermons like me. The Sermon on the Mount? Mine will be the Sermon from Trump Tower. Stunning views, very exclusive.”

---

The choir strikes up a rousing hymn: "Great Is Thy Tremendousness." Elon unveils a hologram of Trump ascending into the heavens, surrounded by golden eagles.

---

Trump:

“Remember, folks, fundamentalism isn’t about rules; it’s about my rules. Under Trumpdamentalism™, we’re going to win so much you’ll get tired of worshipping. Together, we’ll make fire-and-brimstone feel like a luxury resort. Let’s hear it one more time: Make Fundamentalism Great Again!”

---

The crowd erupts in chants of “MFGA!” as fireworks (shaped like crosses) explode over the compound. Trump descends from the podium to sign golden autographs for his disciples, while Elon starts crowdfunding for the prayer rocket.

Make Science Great Again by ChatGPT

Make Science Great Again

Scene: A lavish laboratory at Mar-a-Lago, now renamed “The Trump Institute of Tremendous Science.” The lab features marble countertops, gold-plated microscopes, and a massive portrait of Trump in a lab coat holding a beaker. A banner hangs overhead: “Make Science Great Again.” Trump, wearing safety goggles perched on his hair, addresses a group of scientists, all nervously clutching notepads.

---

Trump:

“Science, folks. Science is a disaster. Nobody respects it anymore. You’ve got these nerds—big nerds—saying things like, ‘climate change is real’ and ‘vaccines are good.’ Total losers! But I’m here to fix science, to make it great again. Because let’s face it, nobody knows more about science than me.”

---

The scientists exchange worried glances. Elon Musk stands nearby, furiously sketching something on a napkin labelled “Mega Tesla Ray.”

---

Trump:

“For too long, we’ve been doing boring science. Test tubes, equations, atoms. Boring! But under my administration, we’re going to do tremendous science. Big science. Exciting science. Like bringing dinosaurs back to life—Jurassic Trump! Imagine the ratings.”

---

Elon Musk:

(grinning)

“Mr President, I’m already working on genetically engineered dinosaur clones. They’ll have rocket boosters for mobility and, of course, your face on their scales.”

---

Trump:

(nodding)

“See? That’s the kind of innovative thinking we need. None of this ‘peer-reviewed’ nonsense. That’s fake news science. From now on, all experiments will be reviewed by me personally. Call it... Trump-reviewed.”

---

Scientist:

(timidly)

“But, Mr President, science requires rigorous methodology and—”

---

Trump:

(interrupting)

“Methodology? Overrated. I’ve got the best instincts. You give me a hypothesis, I’ll tell you if it’s good or bad just by looking at it. Like that gravity guy—Newton. Big mistake. Apples falling? Sad! We’re going to repeal gravity and replace it with something better. Elon, make a note.”

---

Elon Musk:

(scribbling)

“Anti-gravity boots, got it. Powered by Dogecoin.”

---

Trump:

“Now, let’s talk space. NASA has been a disaster. Tiny rockets going to the Moon? Pathetic. We’re building the Trump Galactic Cruiser—luxury space travel. Leather seats, gold trim, Trump steaks in orbit. And forget Mars—we’re going straight to the Sun. People say you can’t do it. Wrong! We’ll go at night. Easy.”

---

Scientist:

(under breath)

“That’s... not how it works...”

---

Trump:

(ignoring them)

“And medicine. Tremendous opportunities there. Forget curing diseases—that’s small potatoes. We’re going to make people taller, better looking, maybe even orange. Imagine: a nation of Trumps. The genes are there. I’m calling it Project Tremendous DNA.”

---

Elon Musk:

(excitedly)

“I can clone you, Mr President. An entire cabinet of mini-Trumps!”

---

Trump:

(waving his hand)

“Too small. Let’s make them giant Trumps. Like, twenty feet tall. Tremendous Trumps, walking the Earth, spreading greatness. Science hasn’t seen ambition like this since... ever.”

---

The scientists look increasingly horrified, but the crowd of supporters in “Lab Coats for Trump” gear erupts in applause.

---

Trump:

“Folks, science isn’t just for nerds anymore. It’s for winners. And under my leadership, we’ll discover things you can’t even imagine. Like invisible walls—beautiful, indestructible, and nobody can see them. We’ll use them everywhere. Science will be great again because it’ll be Trump Science. And remember: E equals Trump squared.”

---

The press conference ends with Trump smashing a champagne bottle over a golden microscope, while Elon unveils a prototype of the Trump Galactic Cruiser—a gold-plated yacht with rocket thrusters.

Make Black Holes Great Again by ChatGPT

Make Black Holes Great Again

Scene: A glitzy press conference at the newly rebranded "Trump Space Command Centre," adorned with golden telescopes, glittering constellations, and a neon banner reading “Make Black Holes Great Again.” Trump, wearing a bespoke spacesuit with a golden cape, steps up to a podium shaped like an event horizon.

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Trump:

“Ladies and gentlemen, we’re here today to talk about a very important issue: black holes. You know, they’ve been misunderstood, mistreated, and frankly, neglected. Nobody’s paying attention to black holes anymore. But let me tell you, they’re tremendous. Absolutely tremendous. And I’m going to make them great again.”

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The crowd, mostly confused astrophysicists and die-hard supporters in “Trump Galaxy 2025” hats, cheer hesitantly. Elon Musk stands by, holding a glowing model of a black hole labelled “Trump Vortex.”

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Trump:

“Now, some people, the so-called experts, say black holes are dangerous, that they destroy everything. Wrong! I’ve done my research—great research, the best research—and I’ve discovered that black holes are incredible opportunities. Huge potential. Think about it: free real estate. Infinite storage. And it’s all just sitting there, unused!”

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Elon Musk:

(excitedly)

“Mr President, with my SpaceX technology, we can tether black holes to Earth’s orbit and use them for clean energy. Black hole power! It’s revolutionary!”

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Trump:

(nodding)

“Clean energy, folks. Very clean. The cleanest. And forget about wind turbines—they kill birds, they’re noisy, they’re terrible. But black holes? Silent, efficient, and let me tell you, they’ll swallow all the fake news media in a heartbeat. Poof—gone. Isn’t that great?”

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The crowd cheers louder, some reporters nervously glance at the exit.

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Journalist:

(cautiously)

“Mr President, isn’t there a risk of a black hole... uh... consuming the Earth?”

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Trump:

(rolling his eyes)

“Consume the Earth? Ridiculous. We’re going to control the black holes. Total control. They’ll work for us, like a big cosmic vacuum cleaner. Suck up all the space junk, maybe a few Democrats. And if the Earth does get a little too close, we’ll just move it. Easy. Elon’s working on that, right, Elon?”

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Elon Musk:

(nodding furiously)

“Absolutely! I’ve designed Earth thrusters powered by solar wind. We can reposition the planet anywhere in the solar system.”

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Trump:

“See? Simple. And here’s the best part, folks: we’re turning black holes into tourist attractions. Imagine it: the Trump Galactic Observation Deck. You’ll be able to stare into the infinite void while enjoying the finest Trump steaks. Low gravity, high luxury!”

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Scientist:

(raising a hand)

“But Mr President, black holes distort time. People might never come back.”

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Trump:

(leaning into the mic)

“Exactly. It’s perfect. Who needs time, anyway? You step into a Trump Black Hole Experience, and you’re timeless. You come out, it’s 2040, and I’m still president because, let’s face it, nobody’s done a better job than me. Everyone wins!”

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The crowd erupts in a mix of cheers and existential dread. Elon reveals a golden statue of Trump being sucked into a black hole, with the plaque reading “The Centre of Everything.”

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Trump:

“Folks, black holes used to have a bad reputation. People were scared of them. But now? Now they’ll be great. Tremendous. You’ll look up at the night sky and say, ‘There’s our black hole, and it’s beautiful.’ Because it’s not just a black hole anymore—it’s a Trump Hole. And remember: the universe isn’t expanding. It’s just making room for me.”

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The press conference ends with Trump signing an executive order declaring black holes “the 51st state,” while the crowd chants, “Suck it up! Suck it up!”

Make Mars Great Again by ChatGPT

Make Mars Great Again

Scene: A lavish “Mars Unveiling Ceremony” held at the Mar-a-Lago Ballroom, now redecorated to resemble a futuristic Martian colony. Fake red sand dunes surround the stage, with a glowing neon banner reading “Make Mars Great Again!” Trump, wearing a red spacesuit emblazoned with “Trump Galactic,” steps up to a golden podium shaped like a rocket.

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Trump:

“Ladies and gentlemen, Earth is great—tremendous, really—but Mars? Mars has been a total disaster. Look at it! A barren wasteland, not a single golf course, no fast food, and worst of all, no Trump properties. It’s sad, folks. Just sad. But I’m here to fix it. We’re going to Make Mars Great Again!”

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The audience, a mix of loyal supporters and bewildered scientists, erupts in applause. Elon Musk stands behind Trump, holding a model of a golden Martian city labelled “Trumpopolis.”

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Trump:

“Now, some people—the fake news media, NASA, the Chinese—they say Mars is too far, too hard to colonise. But they said the same thing about Manhattan, and look at it now—full of my buildings. So, Mars? Easy. Very easy. All it takes is vision, leadership, and a few billion dollars from other people.”

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Elon Musk:

(excitedly)

“Mr President, I’ve already designed reusable rockets that can launch Trump-branded casinos directly to Mars. Zero gravity blackjack will revolutionise space tourism!”

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Trump:

(nodding)

“That’s why I keep this guy around. A genius. Absolute genius. And let me tell you, folks, Mars has been waiting for me. It’s red, right? And who’s the best with branding? Me. We’re going to turn that boring red planet into a golden paradise.”

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Journalist 1:

(cautiously)

“Mr President, what about the challenges of living on Mars—lack of oxygen, extreme cold, radiation?”

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Trump:

(rolling his eyes)

“Fake news problems. We’ve got solutions. We’ll build the greatest domes, folks. Big, beautiful domes. You won’t even notice you’re on Mars. It’ll feel just like Florida—maybe even better. And for oxygen? We’ll bring it from Earth. Lots of it. Elon says it’s easy, right, Elon?”

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Elon Musk:

(grinning)

“Absolutely. And I’ve developed solar panels shaped like Trump’s face. They’ll power the entire colony.”

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Trump:

“Solar panels with my face! Brilliant. They’ll light up the night sky from Earth. People will look up and say, ‘Wow, Mars has never looked so good.’ And here’s the best part: Mars will pay for it! It’s sitting on untapped resources—iron, water, maybe even gold. We’re going to drill, mine, and turn Mars into the richest planet in the universe.”

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Journalist 2:

(skeptically)

“Mr President, isn’t this all incredibly expensive?”

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Trump:

(leaning into the mic)

“Wrong. It’s a tremendous deal. We’ll get Martians to fund it. People say there’s no life on Mars, but trust me, I’ve seen the data. Little green guys—great negotiators. But not as good as me.”

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The audience looks confused, but Elon nods vigorously.

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Elon Musk:

“And we’ll introduce Tesla rovers for Martian roads. Silent, efficient, and powered by dust storms!”

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Trump:

“Exactly. Dust storm power—no one’s thought of that before. Genius. And let’s talk tourism. People will flock to Mars for the Trump Martian Golf Club. Low gravity—everyone’s a pro! And for the kids? The Trump Mars Theme Park, featuring rides like the Big Rocket Rollercoaster and the Red Planet Plunge. Mars will be fun again, folks.”

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Environmentalist:

(shouting from the back)

“But Mr President, what about preserving Mars for science and future generations?”

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Trump:

(smirking)

“Science? Future generations? We’re doing this for them. They’ll thank us when Mars is great again. They’ll say, ‘Thank you, Mr Trump, for giving us the best planet ever.’ Because folks, when I’m done, Earth is going to look at Mars and feel jealous. That’s how great we’re going to make it.”

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As the crowd claps, Trump unveils a golden rocket with the words “Trump 2025: To Mars!” painted on the side. A giant hologram of Mars appears behind him, glowing with a massive Trump logo visible from space.

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Trump:

“Remember, folks: It’s not just Mars anymore. It’s Trump Mars. And trust me, once we’re done there, we’re heading to Venus. Beautiful planet, tremendous potential. Let’s make the whole solar system great again!”

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The scene ends with Trump and Elon posing for photos next to the model of Trumpopolis, while the audience chants, “Mars! Mars! Mars!”

Make the Moon Great Again by ChatGPT

Make the Moon Great Again

Scene: A glitzy press conference at the newly renamed “Trump Space Force Command Centre,” decorated with gaudy gold moon models and banners that read “Mission: Make the Moon Great Again!” Trump, in a sparkly Space Force jumpsuit, steps up to the podium with a confident smirk. Elon Musk stands nearby, nodding eagerly.

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Trump:

“Folks, it’s time we talk about the Moon. You know, the Moon used to be great. A beautiful place. But then NASA got there, and what did they do? Nothing! A couple of flags, some dusty footprints, and a golf ball. Pathetic! Just pathetic! The Moon is a prime piece of real estate, and no one’s doing anything with it. Well, that changes now.”

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The crowd erupts into confused murmurs. Elon Musk claps enthusiastically, holding a stack of blueprints labelled “Trump Lunar Towers.”

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Trump:

“Today, I’m announcing the most ambitious plan in history: Operation Lunar Luxury. We’re going to Make the Moon Great Again, folks. It’s going to be the best Moon—tremendous, tremendous Moon. We’re talking Trump hotels, Trump casinos, Trump golf courses. No one builds on a celestial body like I do.”

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Journalist 1:

(frowning)

“Mr President, isn’t the Moon supposed to remain a shared scientific and cultural resource? There are international treaties—”

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Trump:

(interrupting)

“Treaties? Please. Treaties are for losers. Did the Moon sign a treaty? I don’t think so. The Moon wants this, okay? It’s been waiting for someone like me. It’s tired of being boring, folks. Dust and craters? Come on! We’re going to pave those craters with gold. Imagine this: Trump Crater Casino and Resort. People will come from Earth, Mars, maybe even other galaxies. It’s going to be huge.”

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Elon Musk:

(grinning)

“Mr President, I’ve already started designing lunar Teslas for the Moon highways. Silent, efficient, and they’ll run on moonlight.”

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Trump:

(pointing at Elon)

“See? This guy gets it. Moonlight-powered Teslas—brilliant. And get this, folks: we’re going to bring in Trump Moon Trees. They’ll grow in zero gravity, and they’ll be big, beautiful, golden. The best oxygen on the Moon, and I’ll bottle it and sell it as Trump Air. People will love it.”

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Journalist 2:

(skeptically)

“Mr President, how exactly do you plan to fund this project?”

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Trump:

(leaning into the mic)

“Easy. We’re going to make the Moon pay for it. It’s got untapped resources—helium-3, lunar minerals, maybe even cheese. The Moon has been freeloading off Earth’s gravity for billions of years. Time to pull its weight. And if that doesn’t work, we’ll charge Mars. Mars owes us big time for all that exploration nonsense.”

---

Elon Musk pulls out a model of a lunar colony with a giant Trump Tower at its centre, complete with a neon sign that says “Lunar Luxury.” The crowd stares in stunned silence.

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Trump:

“And let’s talk branding. The Moon? Great name, but we can do better. From now on, it’s Trump Moon. I mean, why stop at just one? We’ve got other moons out there—Jupiter’s got a ton. Io? Ganymede? Awful names. I’m renaming them Trumpio and Trumpmede. All the moons belong to us now.”

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Environmentalist:

(shouting from the back)

“But Mr President, this is lunacy!”

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Trump:

(smiling smugly)

“Exactly. Lunacy. That’s the whole point. The Moon is a gold mine, literally and figuratively. And folks, I promise you: when I’m done, the Moon will be so great, you’ll look up at night and say, ‘Wow, I’ve never seen a Moon like that before.’ Bright, gold, and with a giant Trump logo visible from Earth. That’s how you Make the Moon Great Again.”

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The crowd bursts into a mix of applause and bewildered laughter. Elon Musk holds up a prototype of a gold-plated lunar rover with a “Trump 2024” sticker on the side. The Moon glimmers innocently in the night sky, utterly oblivious to its imminent gaudy transformation.

Make Earth Great Again by ChatGPT

Make Earth Great Again

Scene: A lavishly decorated press room with an over-the-top globe revolving behind a podium. The globe is just a bit too large—because, of course, it’s all about Trump-sized proportions. Trump stands at the podium, smiling triumphantly, with a handful of aides behind him looking awkward. The crowd in front of him is a mix of international journalists and confused environmentalists.

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Trump:

(picking up a glass of water and taking a sip)

“Alright, listen up, folks. The Earth, okay? It used to be great. Really great. But, you know what happened? It got soft. Very soft. People stopped caring about it. They said it was fine, they said it was sustainable. But I know the truth. We need to make Earth great again, folks. The greatest Earth.”

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Journalist 1:

(frowning)

“Uh, sir, Earth has been around for billions of years. It's always been—”

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Trump:

(interrupting)

“Wrong. It was great until the Greens got their hands on it. All these rules. All these restrictions. It’s a disaster. No more! I’m going to make Earth huge again, folks. Bigger and better than ever before. And you know how? Trump air, Trump oceans, Trump land.”

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Trump motions grandly with his hands, but a small puff of wind blows his hair in the opposite direction. He doesn’t notice.

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Trump:

“First, we fix the air. Right now, it's just too much pollution, too many trees. We’re going to make the air cleaner, but in a Trump way. Forget the whole carbon footprint thing. I’ve got the best ideas. We’re going to have Trump clean air zones, folks, and exclusive Trump oxygen—people will pay for it. Top dollar. You won’t breathe anything better. It’ll be a billionaire’s dream.”

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Environmentalist:

(waving their hands)

“But sir, pollution is a global issue. We need collective action to address—”

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Trump:

(ignoring them, smiling)

“Exactly, collective. The best collective. And then the oceans, folks. We’re going to fix them. You know what’s wrong with the oceans? Too much water. I’m bringing in Trump seawalls, to control the water. We’ll have the best water levels. Forget rising tides—I’ll make the ocean do what I want.”

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Journalist 2:

(clearly confused)

“But… the ocean’s a natural system, sir. Water rising is... well, it’s a consequence of climate change…”

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Trump:

(nodding smugly)

“Exactly. Climate change. And I’m going to change it back. We’re going to reverse it. We’ll do it with Trump technology—big machines, the biggest machines. I’m talking about massive Trump air conditioners that will cool the planet down like that. And Trump fans—big ones. Huge fans. They’ll blow all that heat right out of here.”

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Advisor 1:

(skeptically)

“Sir, we can’t just... cool the planet with fans...”

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Trump:

(grinning)

“Why not? They’re the best fans. People are going to love them. I’ve got the best engineers working on it. You know what else? Trees. Too many trees. We’re cutting them down. Big tree cuts. They’re taking up too much space—but don’t worry, we’ll plant Trump trees in all the right spots. Everywhere. They’ll be so tall, people will say, ‘Wow, I’ve never seen trees like that.’”

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Journalist 3:

(raising an eyebrow)

“Sir, trees are critical to the environment. They provide oxygen—”

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Trump:

(staring them down)

“Look, trees are overrated. We need bigger, better trees. Trump trees will have golden leaves, magnificent leaves, not these little sticks. The best trees in the world. And they’ll be exclusive, only in Trump parks.”

---

The crowd is visibly agitated. A few journalists exchange confused glances. But Trump continues, oblivious.

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Trump:

“We’ll also bring back the best wildlife, folks. Trump animals. You know how many wild animals are out there? Too many. But we’re going to fix that. We’ll put them in Trump zoos—the best zoos. The lions will be Trump lions. The bears? Trump bears. The biggest, the strongest, the most luxurious. They’ll live in Trump habitats. Beautiful, spacious, with the best air conditioning, and Trump snacks.”

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Ambassador 1:

(quietly)

“Are we really talking about replacing real wildlife with Trump animals...?”

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Trump:

(waving his hand dismissively)

“Don’t worry about the details. This is going to be a global thing. Everyone’s going to want to live on Trump Earth. Top-level real estate. The best living conditions. Forget about these so-called ‘green spaces’. We’ll have Trump parks—the most luxurious parks you’ve ever seen.”

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Environmentalist:

(fuming)

“But sir, what about the people who are suffering from climate disasters? Rising seas, droughts, extreme weather—these are all urgent issues we need to address right now.”

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Trump:

(leaning in, very serious)

“I am addressing them. The best way. We’ll build Trump bunkers, the best bunkers, where people can go when it gets rough. *It’ll be fantastic. And we’re going to keep the Earth safe. I’m going to protect it from all those other countries who are messing it up. Believe me, Earth will never have been in better hands.”

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Advisor 2:

(under his breath)

“I think he’s lost it…”

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Trump:

(excitedly)

“See? That’s what I’m talking about! The best protection. People won’t know what hit ‘em. Earth is going to be huge again. And you know what? When it is, I’ll have my own Trump planet. The greatest planet in the galaxy, folks. You won’t believe it. Best air, best water, best people—totally Trump-tastic.”

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The camera pans out as Trump starts to excitedly sketch out plans for a “Trump moon base” and “Trump Mars.” Meanwhile, the aides and journalists look on, a mixture of disbelief and confusion plastered on their faces. The Earth spins on, totally indifferent to the bizarre plans unfolding before it.