Make Trump Voters Great Again by ChatGPT

Trump at a Rally:

"Alright, folks, we’ve had enough of the fake news, okay? We’ve had enough of the so-called elites and their fancy words. And you know who I’m talking about—those other people, the ones who’ve been trying to tear us down. Well, guess what? I’m here to make you great again. That’s right, I’m here to make Trump voters great again! MTVGA!"

(The crowd roars with applause, mostly because they’re still trying to figure out what "MTVGA" stands for, but it sounds patriotic.)

"That’s right, folks! We’re going to take you, the forgotten, the misunderstood, the incredible Trump voter—and we’re going to make you the biggest thing ever! You’ve been the silent majority for too long. Well, guess what? The silence ends today! We’re going to shout your greatness from the rooftops, and we’re going to make America notice—big time!"

(A few confused bystanders look at each other, wondering if the rally is going to turn into a musical.)

"We’re going to start with something huge—Trump Voter Appreciation Day. That’s right! A national holiday just for you! It’ll be the biggest day of the year. We’ll have parades, fireworks, and so many hot dogs you won’t believe it. Tens of thousands of hot dogs! And I’m talking the good hot dogs, folks. None of that fancy organic stuff. Just classic American dogs, the way they were meant to be! Your kind of hot dogs!"

(An aide holds up a hot dog, not sure whether to throw it in the air or eat it.)

"And folks, the best part? Everyone who voted for me—yes, everyone—will get a golden Trump Voter Card. You’ll show it, and you’ll get VIP treatment everywhere. No lines at the airport. No waiting at the grocery store. No waiting for ANYTHING! You walk in, you get your stuff, and you leave. That’s how it’s going to be. Tremendous benefits for Trump voters. I’m telling you."

(A large portion of the crowd begins arguing about how to use the cards, one person suggesting they should be used as a pass to skip work.)

"We’re also going to give you something special. Special, folks. Every Trump voter gets a free trip to a Trump property—yes, a Trump property! It’s going to be the best vacation. We’re talking golf courses, spas, resorts. So many spas. Some people will never want to leave, but guess what? They won’t have to! We’re gonna build new Trump properties just for you, folks. Just for YOU!"

(A man in a MAGA hat stands up, shouting "I’m gonna move into Trump Tower, it’s my destiny!")

"And the hats, folks, let me tell you—the hats are getting better. We’re making them bigger, more glorious. Hats that’ll put you on the map. People will see you, and they’ll say, 'Wow, that’s a person who voted for Trump!' You’ll have more power, more status, and let’s be honest—more style than anyone else in the room. These hats are gonna be fantastic. You won’t believe how good they are. Believe me."

(The crowd goes wild, mostly because they were already chanting “MTVGA!” but now they feel even more special.)

"So, my fellow Trump voters, let’s make you great again! Let’s do it for America. Let’s do it for the future. And let’s make sure that every Trump voter, everywhere, knows just how great they are!"

(The rally ends in a cloud of confetti and Trump-branded merchandise being tossed into the air, with every attendee proudly clutching their new “Trump Voter” gold cards, already planning their free spa vacations.)

Make Trump Great Again by ChatGPT

Trump at a Rally:

"Folks, let me tell you something. People are saying—many people, the best people—they’re saying, 'Sir, you’re great.' And I agree. I’m great. But you know what? I could be greater. Much greater. I’m talking off-the-charts great. That’s why today, I’m launching a brand-new campaign: Make Trump Great Again! MTGA!"

(The crowd, initially puzzled, starts chanting “MTGA! MTGA!” because they don’t want to appear unpatriotic.)

Trump nods, arms wide:

"That’s right! And we’re gonna make Trump so great, folks, it’s gonna blow your minds. First off, I’m introducing the Trump Greatness Index. It’s gonna be the official measure of how great I am. It’ll have metrics like rally crowd size, number of handshakes crushed, and—get this—how many eagles land on my shoulder during speeches. Tremendous index, folks. Totally scientific. Everyone will use it!"

(A poorly CGI’d eagle awkwardly flaps onto a screen behind him, and the crowd goes wild.)

"And listen, I’m not just stopping there. You know Mount Rushmore? It’s nice. But let’s be honest, those guys are overrated. I’m announcing Mount Trumpmore! An entire mountain carved with just my face. One mountain isn’t enough for all this greatness, folks, so we’ll use three. One face for each side. You’ll see me smiling, serious, and doing the pointy thing I do at rallies."

(He demonstrates his signature finger-point, and the crowd roars.)

"And to really Make Trump Great Again, we need a global strategy. I’m officially changing the name of the planet to Planet Trump. It’s better branding! Earth is boring. Trump is exciting. And don’t worry, we’ll update all the maps. Kids will learn about Planet Trump in schools. Beautiful schools, by the way, which I’ll also name after me. Every school will be Trump Academy for Greatness—no boring classes, just tremendous winning!"

(Aides are frantically signalling to cut his mic, but he barrels on.)

"And hats—oh, folks, you’re gonna love this. The MTGA hats will be three feet tall. THREE FEET. Why? Because bigger is better! These hats will tower over the fake news media. And get this—they’ll come with built-in WiFi so you can stream my speeches straight from the hat! Genius, right? Nobody’s ever done that before!"

(The crowd, overwhelmed by the sheer audacity, starts tossing money onto the stage. Trump grins, picking up a dollar bill and holding it aloft.)

"Look at this! The new Trump dollar. Coming soon. It’s me, folks. It’s me on the money! Forget Lincoln. Forget Washington. They were fine. But Trump? Trump is MONEY. MTGA! MTGA!"

(The rally ends with a confetti cannon malfunction, showering the crowd with Trump-branded coupons for steaks, hats, and statues.)

Make MAGA Great Again by ChatGPT

Trump at a Rally:

"Folks, we all love MAGA, right? It’s historic. Historic like nobody’s ever seen. But here’s the thing: even the best brands need a refresh. Coca-Cola did it. McDonald’s did it. Even the Bible has a sequel—it's called the New Testament. So now, we’re gonna Make MAGA Great Again! MMGA! It’s gonna be huge! And you know what the difference is? This time, it’s MAGA… but on steroids. Tremendous steroids. The best steroids. Legal ones, obviously—probably. But big ones!"

(The crowd, half cheering, half confused, chants, "MMGA! MMGA!")

Trump leans in conspiratorially:

"And folks, let me tell you, this isn’t just any reboot. It’s gonna have new features. MAGA 2.0 will come with deluxe patriotism. Deluxe! I’m talking eagles that cry real tears, flags that wave themselves! We’re even thinking of adding a space MAGA division. MAGA in space, folks—imagine that. Martians wearing MAGA hats, chanting 'Earth first!' It’s beautiful."

(A man in the crowd, wearing a bedazzled MAGA cape, bursts into tears.)

Trump gestures grandly:

"And the hats—oh, the hats! Red was good, but now we’re going for GOLD. Solid gold hats! Maybe too heavy? We’ll do gold-plated! Lightweight, luxurious, the hats will scream 'winner'! And the slogans? We’ll make them longer. 'Make America Great Again and Again and Also Pretty Awesome!' More words, more winning. Nobody will do slogans better than us, believe me!"

(His campaign manager whispers frantically, but Trump waves him off.)

"And look, I know what the fake news is gonna say. They’ll say, 'Trump admits MAGA wasn’t great!' WRONG. Fake news. MAGA has always been great. But now we’re making it even greater, which is what I’ve always said from day one. You can look it up!"

(Post-rally, analysts wonder whether MMGA is a stroke of genius, a sign of desperation, or just Trump improvising while thinking about hats.)

"Make Reality TV Great Again" (suggested and written) by ChatGPT

Trump (stepping up to the podium, smiling broadly):

"Thank you, thank you! What a crowd, folks. You’re amazing. You know, I’ve been talking to a lot of people, and they tell me, 'Trump, we need something big—something huge—to bring back reality TV.' And let me tell you something, folks, I’ve got the best idea. It’s going to be tremendous. We’re going to make reality TV great again. And it’s going to be bigger than anything you’ve ever seen!"

[The crowd starts murmuring, excited, waiting for the big reveal.]

Trump (leaning into the mic, voice lowered dramatically):

"It’s called ‘Survivor: Oval Office,’ folks. That’s right. Contestants are going to live right there in the White House, and guess what? The goal is to not get fired. No one wants to get fired, folks. Trust me, it’s a tough gig. But only the best can survive in the Oval Office."

[The crowd bursts into laughter, some shaking their heads, others applauding. Trump smiles as if he just made the greatest announcement in history.]

Trump (pointing to the crowd):

"Here’s how it works. You put 10 contestants in the White House—cabinet members, secretaries, advisors, maybe a couple of celebrities—and they have to outwit, outlast, and outplay to stay in the job. You think it’s easy? You think being president’s a walk in the park? Let me tell you, it’s hard, folks. Really hard. But I’m the guy who knows how to keep people around. Look at me, I’ve had the best staff, folks. I never fired anyone, except when I had to, of course.”

[The crowd laughs; a few "TRUMP FOR LIFE" signs are waved in the air.]

Trump (gesturing grandly):

"Every week, there’ll be a new challenge. Maybe it’s balancing the budget, maybe it’s dealing with a crisis—maybe it’s a big international meeting. They’ll have to compete in real tasks. No fake stuff. We’re talking about the real deal, folks. And if they mess up, if they fail, they’ll be sent packing—just like the best reality shows!"

[The crowd erupts into applause, some chanting “SEND ‘EM HOME! SEND ‘EM HOME!”]

Trump (pointing to a man in the crowd with a “SURVIVOR: OVAL OFFICE” t-shirt):

"That’s right, folks! That guy’s got the right idea. You fail? You’re out. Gone. And it’s going to be live, folks. Live! Every week, we’ll be watching as people fight for their jobs. Will they survive the pressure? Will they make the tough decisions? Who knows? Only time will tell.”

[Someone in the front row yells, “Can we vote ‘em off?” Trump looks over and nods.]

Trump (winking):

"Oh, absolutely. You can vote 'em off. We’re making it a reality show, folks. America’s reality show. You’ll be able to call in. It’ll be the best, folks. The biggest voting system. And the winner? Well, they get to stay in the White House, folks. They get to keep their job. They get to survive!”

[The crowd laughs, someone shouts, “Make America Survive Again!”]

Trump (pointing dramatically to the screen behind him):

"Here’s the promo, folks. Look at that. Survivor: Oval Office—coming soon to your TV screens. Watch as contestants try to avoid scandals, public meltdowns, and maybe even a surprise visit from the FBI. Will they keep their job, or will they get fired? It's the most suspenseful game show you’ll ever see, folks. More exciting than a debate, more shocking than a State of the Union!"

[The crowd is losing it, some are rolling with laughter, others are clapping along to a tune playing in the background, which sounds suspiciously like the Survivor theme song.]

Trump (nodding in approval):

"And here’s the best part, folks. I’m the host. I’m the host. No one does hosting like Trump. Tremendous hosting. They’re gonna want to stay in my White House, folks. It’s gonna be the best White House you’ve ever seen. I’ll give them the toughest challenges—big decisions, big risks. You don’t want to be the first to go, trust me."

[A banner drops behind Trump that says “SURVIVOR: OVAL OFFICE—COMING SOON!” The crowd cheers wildly, some chanting “TRUMP FOR LIFE!”]

Trump (pumping his fist):

"It’s going to be huge, folks. The best. And you know who’s going to be the winner? America. That’s right, America wins. We make this country great again, and we do it with reality TV. Thank you, everybody! See you on the show! Survivor: Oval Office—coming soon!"

[The crowd goes wild, chanting “TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!” as Trump waves and walks offstage, Elon Musk giving him a thumbs up from the side, and a group of people dressed as White House staffers run onto the stage pretending to play out a "Survivor" challenge.]

“Make Passwords Great Again" (suggested and written) by ChatGPT

Scene: The rally takes place in a massive convention centre. On stage, a giant screen displays “Make Passwords Great Again!” in golden letters. In the crowd, people wave foam fingers with passwords like “TRUMP2025” and “1234,” while vendors sell USB drives shaped like little Donald Trumps.

Trump strides to the podium, grinning.

Trump:

"Thank you, thank you! What a crowd. Beautiful people, the best people. You know, passwords used to be great. Strong. Tremendous. But now? What do we get? Uppercase, lowercase, numbers, symbols—it’s a disaster! Nobody remembers them, folks. I mean, have you ever tried to type ‘ExclamationPointDollarSignFifty?’ Who came up with that? A Democrat, probably."

(Laughter and cheers. A man in the crowd yells, “Lock her up... in password jail!”)

Trump:

"That’s why, starting today, we’re fixing this mess. No more confusing nonsense. Every password in America will now be one word: Trump2025. Easy to remember, folks, because it’s the year I saved this country again! And it’s strong. So strong. I asked the FBI, ‘Is this the strongest password?’ They said, ‘Sir, it’s unhackable.’ Believe me."

(The screen behind him shows a CGI eagle typing “Trump2025” with its talons. The crowd roars in approval.)

Trump:

"Now, the fake news will say, ‘Oh, Mr. Trump, one password for everyone isn’t secure.’ Wrong! You know what’s not secure? Passwords like ‘password123.’ That’s a Biden password, folks. Sad. Weak. He probably writes it on a sticky note and forgets where he put it."

(The crowd boos loudly. Someone shreds a sticky note that says "Hunter's Laptop.")

Trump:

"And let me tell you something: China hates this password. Russia hates this password. North Korea? They called me and said, ‘Mr. Trump, we can’t hack it. It’s too good!’ Tremendous respect. Tremendous!"

(A group of hackers in the crowd holds up signs saying, “Trump Crashed My Servers!”)

Trump:

"But we’re not stopping there. Oh no. We’re going to outlaw those little CAPTCHA tests. You know the ones? ‘Click on all the traffic lights.’ Folks, I can’t stand those! I failed one last week—it said I missed a bicycle! There was no bicycle!"

(A woman in the front row screams, “They’re rigged!” and faints dramatically. EMTs hand her smelling salts shaped like tiny laptops.)

Trump:

"Instead, we’re bringing back good old-fashioned security questions. But not boring ones, like ‘What’s your mother’s maiden name?’ No. My security question will be: Who’s the greatest president of all time? And the answer? Trump. If you get it wrong, you’re probably Antifa!"

(The crowd chants, “Antifa can’t log in!” as red, white, and blue confetti rains down.)

Trump:

"And folks, because I care about this country, I’m offering my password plan for free. That’s right—free! Unless you’re California. They’re going to pay for it, folks. Tremendous deal!"

(The screen changes to show the words “California Pays Double” in bold, glittering letters. The crowd erupts in cheers.)

Trump:

"So let’s make passwords great again! Let’s make security simple! And let’s all log in to a tremendous future together. Thank you, and God bless Trump2025!"

(The rally ends with the Rolling Stones’ Start Me Up blaring as Trump throws golden USB drives into the crowd. A man dressed as a CAPTCHA test mascot is tackled by security as he tries to sneak on stage.)

End scene.

"Make Conspiracy Theories Great Again" by ChatGPT

"Make Conspiracy Theories Great Again"

Scene: Donald Trump is hosting a rally in Roswell, New Mexico—the hotspot for conspiracy theorists. The stage is set against a massive backdrop of UFO imagery and cryptic Illuminati symbols. The presidential seal has been modified to feature an alien head where the eagle should be. The audience is a mix of MAGA hat wearers, people in tinfoil hats, and individuals dressed as Bigfoot holding signs like "JFK Jr. Lives" and "Area 51 Employee of the Month."

---

Trump:

"Well, well, Roswell! You’ve outdone yourselves! Incredible crowd. The best crowd, actually. Some say it’s the biggest crowd ever assembled for UFO disclosure. Huge! And let me tell you, folks, this is the kind of energy we need to make conspiracy theories great again!"

(The crowd roars. A woman holding a “Moon Landing Was CGI” sign faints. EMTs rush to revive her but mysteriously vanish mid-rescue. The crowd gasps.)

Trump:

"Now, some people—very bad people—say conspiracy theories are for kooks. They call us crazy. But who’s crazy now? I’m your president, aren’t I? And guess what? I’m declassifying everything! That’s right—Area 51, the truth about Atlantis, and yes, folks, the recipe for Coca-Cola."

(The crowd erupts. A man in a NASA “Never A Straight Answer” shirt sobs openly, holding his child close.)

Trump:

"And you know what? The aliens? They love me. They love me, folks. I met with them last week—beautiful, tall beings, shiny foreheads, big eyes. You wouldn’t believe how much they respect me. They said, ‘Mr. President, you’re the first Earth leader we can trust.’ And I said, ‘You’re welcome. But you’ve got to help us out. Give us your secret alien tech.’ They’re sending it. It’s coming soon—very soon!"

(The crowd chants, “UFOs! UFOs!” while someone launches a drone shaped like a flying saucer into the air.)

Trump:

"And let’s talk about the pyramids, okay? Everyone’s always asking me, ‘Donald, how did they build the pyramids?’ Was it aliens? Was it giants? Was it Ben Carson on one of his good days? The answer, folks, is yes. All of the above. They were working together. A fantastic collaboration, like The Apprentice but with more obelisks. And under my administration, we’re going to rebuild the pyramids—bigger, shinier, and with a Trump Tower on top!"

(A roar of approval. Someone in the crowd screams, “Finally!” and throws a stone tablet onto the stage.)

Trump:

"You know, people used to say, ‘Donald, the moon landing wasn’t fake!’ But now? Now they’re saying, ‘Donald, if it was fake, it was the best fake ever.’ And I tell them, you’re welcome. And you know what? We’re going to land on the real moon this time. Not the boring one they filmed in Hollywood. The one the deep state doesn’t want you to know about. The golden moon, folks. Tremendous opportunities there—mining, golf courses, maybe even a Trump Moon Resort. Melania loves the idea."

(The crowd begins chanting, “Trump on the moon! Trump on the moon!” while someone holds up a poster of Trump planting a flag on a glowing, cheese-like moon.)

Trump:

"Now, let me tell you about the hollow Earth. Oh, it’s real. I’ve seen it. Took the elevator straight down—beautiful place. Green skies, underground oceans, dinosaurs, and they have a McDonald’s there that still uses the original recipe fries. Not like the ones they give us up here—fake fries! And they’ve got amazing people down there—huge supporters of Trump. Tremendous subterranean turnout in 2024."

(The audience gasps in awe. A group of men in camouflage scream, “Release the kraken!” while holding up a papier-mâché squid.)

Trump:

"And we can’t forget, folks, the most important conspiracy of all—me. They’ve been saying, ‘Trump’s not human.’ Some are saying I’m a reptilian. Some are saying I’m an AI. And you know what? I let them think that. It keeps them guessing. Keeps the media on their toes. Am I a lizard person? Am I an android? You’ll never know. But believe me, whatever I am, I’m the best at it."

(The crowd cheers wildly. A child in the front row holds up a hand-drawn picture of Trump as a cyborg-lizard hybrid.)

Trump:

"So, folks, here’s the plan: we’re going to make conspiracy theories mainstream. I’ve already appointed Alex Jones as the Secretary of Truth. Great guy, great energy. He’s out there fact-checking the lies, like, ‘Where’s the evidence Bigfoot isn’t real?’ There isn’t any! And we’re bringing back the classics. Bermuda Triangle tours, Loch Ness monster expeditions, and—get ready for this—we’re going to storm Area 52. That’s right, the secret Area 51 they don’t want you to know about!"

(A man dressed as Elvis Presley yells, “I knew it!” and moonwalks into the crowd. The audience loses its collective mind, chanting, “Storm Area 52!”)

Trump:

"Together, we’re going to make conspiracy theories great again! The aliens are with us. The giants are with us. And soon, the whole hollow Earth will be voting Trump in 2028. Believe me, folks, it’s going to be out of this world! Thank you, Roswell! Thank you!"

(Trump raises his arms triumphantly as fireworks shaped like UFOs explode overhead. The X-Files theme blares through the speakers as the crowd begins chanting, “Hollow Earth 2028!”)

End scene.

---

New Scene: This time the rally is in a stadium shaped like a giant tinfoil hat. The crowd is wild—people are waving flags that read "Flat Earth Forever!" and "Birds Aren’t Real!" Vendors are selling alien-shaped cotton candy and Bigfoot plushies wearing MAGA hats.

Trump:

"Wow, look at this crowd. Tremendous! I see you, Flat Earth Dave—you’ve been saying the Earth is flat for years, and I agree. Look at maps—they’re flat. Ever seen a round map? No. Case closed!"

(The crowd erupts. A man with a "NASA = Lies" tattoo screams, “I knew it!” and hurls a globe onto the stage. Trump kicks it like a football. The crowd goes berserk.)

Trump:

"And let’s talk about the birds. Have you heard this one? People are saying—and these are smart people, the best people—that birds are fake. That’s right, folks, they’re drones. Surveillance drones. I mean, have you ever seen a bird charging? No chargers, no wires—something’s fishy!"

(A woman holding a pet parrot whispers, “You’re a spy, aren’t you?” and tosses it into the air. The parrot shouts “Fake news!” and flies away.)

Trump:

"And now, my favourite conspiracy, folks: time travel. Did you know I invented it? That’s how I knew I was going to win in 2024. I went to the future, I saw the ballots—they were all for me. Even the ones from Mars. Incredible people, the Martians. They love me! And they told me, ‘Mr. Trump, you’re the first president to bring McDonald’s to our planet.’ Tremendous deal!"

(The crowd chants, “Martians love McNuggets!” while someone in the back starts grilling burgers on a makeshift UFO-shaped barbecue.)

Trump:

"And people ask me, ‘Donald, what’s next?’ Well, let me tell you: pyramids. We’re building a pyramid right here in Roswell. It’s going to be the biggest, most luxurious pyramid ever. Gold-plated, with an escalator straight to the top. And at the bottom? A casino. Pharaoh Trump, they’ll call me. And you know what? The ancient aliens would’ve loved it."

(A group of men dressed as mummies high-five each other, chanting, “Pharaoh Trump! Pharaoh Trump!” Meanwhile, a UFO drone swoops overhead, dropping MAGA bumper stickers.)

Trump:

"And the deep state—they don’t want you to know about Atlantis. But guess what? I’ve been there. Gorgeous place. Huge underwater resorts. And the mermaids? Total babes. One of them said to me, ‘Mr. Trump, you have the best gills I’ve ever seen.’ And I said, ‘Thank you. Tremendous compliment.’ Folks, we’re annexing Atlantis next year. It’ll be the 51st state. Believe me!"

(The crowd goes wild. Someone in the front row inflates a kiddie pool and starts splashing around, yelling, “Take me with you!”)

Trump:

"And here’s the big one—why do they call it the White House? You ever think about that? I’m starting an investigation. Could it be... Illuminati? Could it be... aliens? Or maybe—Biden! We’re going to find out. I’m ordering Melania to repaint it gold, just to be safe."

(The crowd chants, “Gold House! Gold House!” while a man dressed as a Freemason faints dramatically.)

Trump:

"So, my friends, get ready. We’re making conspiracy theories great again! Whether you believe in lizard people, the moon being a hologram, or that JFK Jr. is my new VP—wait, did I just spoil it? Oops! Anyway, you’re all the best. And together, we’re going to expose the truth. Thank you, Roswell!"

(Trump tosses tinfoil hats into the crowd like a rock star throwing drumsticks. Fireworks shaped like Bigfoot light up the sky as the X-Files theme plays. The rally ends with Trump posing for photos with someone dressed as Elvis holding a miniature UFO.)

End scene.

"Make Humility Great Again" by ChatGPT

Donald Trump’s "Make Humility Great Again" Rally

Scene: The arena is filled with a crowd that looks slightly puzzled yet hopeful. The banner behind the podium reads Make Humility Great Again. There’s an overwhelming sense of unprecedented expectations in the air. Trump strides to the stage, his hair as perfectly combed as ever, his suit gleaming with arrogance disguised as humility. He steps up to the mic with an aura of modesty only he can pull off.

---

Trump:

"Thank you, thank you, everybody. It’s so great to be here—really, it’s great. They say I’m the humblest guy they know. The best at humility, folks. People tell me all the time, ‘Donald, you’ve got the greatest humility.’ They tell me I have a humility that’s out of this world. Well, I’m here to tell you, we’re going to make humility great again!"

(The crowd claps, though some look suspicious. A philosopher in the front row frowns, muttering about the paradox of humility being publicly declared.)

Trump:

"Let me tell you, folks, humility is what’s missing. Used to be, you’d meet a humble guy, and you’d think, ‘Wow, that’s a guy who knows how to lead without showing off.’ Now? Now we’ve got these people who are too humble. So humble, in fact, they don’t even tell you how great they are. That’s the problem. You’ve got to let people know your humility is the best. You’ve got to tell them. So, that’s what we’re going to do—let everyone know we’re humble."

(The crowd looks confused but applauds anyway. A modest monk in the back shakes his head in disbelief.)

Trump:

"Now, I’m not saying I’m the most humble guy—I’ll tell you, I’m very humble, but there are some others. Maybe. But I’ve got the best humility. Everybody says so. My humility is incredible. Believe me. They say the best humble people are the ones who don’t tell you they’re humble, but I tell you—I’ve got to tell you. It’s important. People will tell you, ‘Donald, you’ve got the humility that makes others humble.’"

(Some in the crowd nod, others exchange awkward glances. A few clapping skeptics whisper, “Doesn’t humility require, like, not talking about it?”)

Trump:

"You know what we’re going to do? We’re going to bring back the humility of the greatest leaders. Like Lincoln. What a humble guy. But did he go around saying, ‘I’m humble’? No, but he was! And let me tell you, folks, I’m even humble-er than Lincoln. People say so. They say, ‘Donald, you’ve got the best humility since Lincoln!’ And they’re right."

(The crowd starts clapping harder, though some start murmuring in disbelief. A couple of cynics mumble, “Isn't humility the opposite of bragging?”)

Trump:

"And let me tell you, folks, humility isn’t just about being quiet. It’s about giving credit to the people who helped you. You know, like the really smart people who help me with things like the best speeches, the best policies, and yes, the best humility. Believe me, I have some of the smartest and most humble people working for me—people who know what humility really means."

(The crowd cheers. A lone philosopher in the back sighs deeply. A speaker from the previous century shakes their head, realizing that their definitions of humility are slowly becoming irrelevant.)

Trump:

"Now, I know what you’re thinking—‘Donald, how can we ever really know if we’re humble?’ Well, let me tell you, folks, it’s simple. You’ll know. People will tell you. They’ll say, ‘Wow, you’re so humble.’ And you know what? They’ll be right. Because when you’re as humble as me, you don’t have to tell them—they already know!"

(The crowd erupts into applause. The philosophers start discussing in hushed tones about whether humility can be considered humble if it’s publicly praised. A couple of existentialists question their entire worldview.)

Trump:

"So, we’re going to do it, folks. We’re going to bring back humility. We’re going to show the world that humility isn’t about sitting in the corner, quietly, hoping someone notices. No, we’re going to let the world know that we’ve got humility, and it’s the best humility. We’re going to make humility great again by making sure everyone knows how humble we are. Believe me, folks, it’s going to be huge."

(The crowd goes wild with applause. The modest monk in the back shakes his head so hard that his glasses nearly fall off. A few of the younger philosophers start Googling “humility” to make sense of it all.)

Trump:

"Thank you, thank you, everybody. We’re going to do it! Humility is coming back. Bigger, better, and more humble than ever. Thank you!”

(As Trump waves and exits the stage, “Eye of the Tiger” plays in the background, with the crowd still cheering. A few philosophers are left scratching their heads, wondering if they’ve just witnessed the paradox of humility in action.)

End scene.

"Make the Internet Great Again" by ChatGPT

Donald Trump’s "Make the Internet Great Again" Rally

Scene: A massive digital arena filled with flashing neon signs that read Make the Internet Great Again. Screens display pixelated GIFs of Trump photoshopped into iconic memes. In the crowd, a mix of Boomers, meme-lovers, and a few confused tech CEOs. Trump takes the stage with a massive LED screen behind him reading: #MAGA: More Access to Great Apps Always

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Trump:

"Folks, let me tell you something—this internet? It was once beautiful. It was free, open, and we all shared our thoughts—whether it was cat videos, conspiracies about birds being government spies, or that perfect photo of your lunch. It was incredible. But now, what do we have? Censorship, shadow-banning, algorithms telling us what we can say—terrible, folks. Terrible. That’s why we’re here: to Make the Internet Great Again!"

(A fan yells, “We want dial-up back!” Trump nods sagely.)

Trump:

"Remember dial-up? You’d hear that sound—brrrrrrriiiing! Beep! Boop!—and you knew you were about to enter the greatest place on Earth. Now we’ve got fiber optic, 5G—nobody even knows what they’re doing with it. We’re bringing back dial-up. The slow connection? That’s character, folks. It builds patience. And patience wins!"

(The crowd is divided. A few tech entrepreneurs wince. A grandmother in the front row raises her hand, asking, “What’s a dial-up?” Trump barrels on.)

Trump:

"We’re going to put an end to these social media fact-checkers. These guys are like the referees in football—always ruining the fun. One little joke and bam! Flagged. No more, folks. You’ll post a picture of your dog wearing a hat and it’s flagged. Unbelievable. We’re going to let the people decide what’s true again. No more censorship. If you don’t like it, you can scroll on. No more ‘fact-checking’ folks—just real people, having real conversations!"

(Applause from the crowd. A tech blogger whispers, “This is literally the opposite of what the internet needs…” Trump waves a hand dismissively.)

Trump:

"And let's talk about privacy. They tell you, ‘Oh, the internet is watching you!’ Guess what? I know more about privacy than anyone. I invented privacy—well, my people did. What do you want to hide, folks? You’re using the internet for your memes, your cooking recipes—so you’re safe. But we’re going to make sure it’s safer. People aren’t gonna steal your data. You’ll keep your memes. You’ll keep your cookies. All of it!"

(Laughter. A cybersecurity expert gasps in horror as Trump continues.)

Trump:

"Then we’ve got these so-called ‘internet influencers.’ Folks, I know influencers—they do nothing, they get paid for doing nothing, and everyone loves them! But we’re going to make it great again—real influencers. The people who work hard, post about real stuff. We’re going to reward them. Everyone gets a platform. But no more—no more talking about how many followers you have. We’re going to bring back real content. Like real people posting about food they’ve made and cats they've rescued. You know—good, wholesome stuff."

(Cheers. A YouTube vlogger cries in the corner as Trump raises his hands.)

Trump:

"And these pop-ups! Don’t even get me started. Every time you want to click on something—boom! You’re stuck in some advertisement for vitamins you don’t need. No more, folks. We’re going to have only the best ads—Trump-approved ads. Only the best for our people. Buy Trump steaks! Buy Trump water! Great products—no pop-ups."

(The crowd laughs, some shaking their heads.)

Trump:

"Lastly, folks, we’re bringing back net neutrality. But we’re going to do it my way—fair access, fast access, and you get what you pay for. If you want the best memes, you’ll get them. If you want low-quality memes, fine, you’ll get those too. But you won’t be slowed down. We’re going to make the internet great again by giving you what you want—freedom, speed, and memes."

(The crowd erupts in applause, a few people on their phones nervously checking Twitter, which is now glitching with messages like, “Are you sure you want to say this?” Trump nods approvingly.)

Trump:

"So, folks, I ask for your help. Together, we’re going to make the internet great again. We’ll bring back dial-up, let you post freely, protect your cookies, and give you the best ads and the best memes. Nobody’s going to make the internet great again like we will!"

(Confetti in the shape of emoji faces rains down. A meme of Trump photoshopped into the "Distracted Boyfriend" meme flashes across the screen. The crowd chants, “Make the internet great again!” as Trump exits to the sound of "All Star" by Smash Mouth.)

End scene.

“Make Pineapple Pizza Great Again” by ChatGPT

Donald Trump’s “Make Pineapple Pizza Great Again” Rally

Scene: An Italian-themed pizzeria decked out with red, white, and green balloons. A banner reading “Pineapple Belongs on Pizza—Bigly!” hangs above the stage, where Trump stands in front of an enormous pizza topped with pineapple slices arranged to spell “TRUMP.”

---

Trump:

"Ladies and gentlemen, we’re here tonight to talk about something very controversial, very divisive—maybe the most divisive topic in the world after CNN and wind turbines. That’s right, we’re talking about pineapple on pizza. And let me tell you, folks, pineapple pizza is tremendous. It’s classy, it’s sweet, it’s savoury—just like me!"

(The crowd cheers as waiters walk through the aisles handing out slices of pineapple pizza. Some people take a bite and reluctantly nod; others gag but cheer anyway.)

Trump:

"Now, some people—very bad people, folks—will tell you pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza. These are the same people who probably eat kale chips and think cauliflower crust is pizza. Losers. Total losers!"

(The crowd boos loudly. Someone throws a cauliflower crust onto the stage. Trump points at it and smirks.)

Trump:

"But we’re not going to let them tell us how to eat our pizza, are we? No! This is America! If we want pineapple on pizza, we’re going to have pineapple on pizza. And not just a little pineapple—big chunks. The best chunks. Hawaiian chunks. Because guess what? Pineapple pizza isn’t just food, folks—it’s freedom!"

(The crowd starts chanting, “Pineapple! Freedom! Pineapple! Freedom!”)

Trump:

"And let’s not forget who invented pineapple pizza. A Canadian! That’s right, folks, Canada! And do we let Canada beat us at anything? No! We’re taking pineapple pizza back and making it great again. It’s going to be so great that Italy will be jealous. They’ll say, ‘Please, Mr. Trump, bring pineapple to Rome.’ Believe me, they’re going to love it."

(A man in a chef’s hat yells, “Mamma mia!” and starts waving an Italian flag. The crowd cheers louder.)

Trump:

"Now, I know some people are saying, ‘Mr. Trump, pineapple on pizza is unnatural.’ But let me ask you this—is a taco salad in a bowl natural? No, but I made it famous. Is ketchup on steak natural? No, but it’s delicious. So why not pineapple on pizza? It’s art, folks. It’s culinary genius!"

(The audience nods, some hesitantly, others enthusiastically. A woman holds up a sign that says, “Pineapple Pizza = MAGA Pie.”)

Trump:

"Here’s my plan. We’re going to rebrand pineapple pizza. From now on, it’s not Hawaiian pizza. It’s Patriot Pizza. Because nothing says America like taking something from somewhere else and making it better!"

(The crowd erupts into cheers. A marching band begins playing the theme from Hawaii Five-O, while someone in a pineapple costume dances on stage.)

Trump:

"So, let’s stand together, folks. Let’s make pineapple pizza great again. Let’s make it the most ordered pizza in America. And to all the haters out there, I say this: if you don’t like pineapple on pizza, you probably don’t like America. Sad!"

(Trump takes a big bite of a pineapple pizza slice, giving a thumbs-up to the roaring crowd. Confetti shaped like tiny pizza slices rains down as the event ends with a rousing chorus of “God Bless the Pizza.”)

End scene.

“Make Tax Evasion Great Again” by ChatGPT

Donald Trump’s “Make Tax Evasion Great Again” Rally

Scene: A grand ballroom with golden chandeliers, banners reading “MTGA” (Make Tax Evasion Great Again) everywhere. A massive dollar sign hangs from the ceiling, rotating slowly. Trump steps onto the stage, flanked by accountants in red “MTGA” caps and calculators holstered like sidearms. The crowd chants, “Loopholes! Loopholes!”

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Trump (grinning):

"Folks, let me tell you—nobody understands taxes like I do. Nobody. And you know what else? Nobody avoids taxes like I do. It’s an art, folks. It’s a beautiful art. But the radical tax-and-spend crowd, they want to make you think paying taxes is patriotic. It’s not! It’s a scam, folks, a total scam. So I say, it’s time to Make Tax Evasion Great Again!"

(The crowd explodes into cheers as Monopoly money rains from the ceiling. Someone holds up a sign that says, “IRS = Inept Revenue Stealers.”)

Trump:

"They say paying taxes builds roads, schools, hospitals—but have you seen the roads? Terrible. Full of potholes. And schools? They’re teaching our kids woke math. Woke! Hospitals? They’re just handing out lollipops and charging $800 for it. You know it, I know it, everybody knows it. So why give them your money? It’s your money, folks. Let them figure it out on their own!"

(A man in the audience yells, “Preach it!” while furiously shredding what looks like a W-2 form.)

Trump:

"Now, I’ve got a plan. It’s the best plan. Tremendous. Step one: we rename taxes. We call them ‘voluntary patriot contributions.’ Sounds better, right? And guess what? Nobody’s going to volunteer. Genius, right? You don’t have to pay if you don’t want to. Problem solved!"

(The crowd laughs and claps, several people waving their offshore bank statements like trophies.)

Trump:

"Step two: loopholes. Big loopholes. The kind you could drive a truck full of cash through. And guess what? If there aren’t enough loopholes, we’ll make more. Because I know loopholes, folks. I invented loopholes. In fact, they should call them Trump-holes. Beautiful Trump-holes."

(A graphic of a giant golden "Trump-hole" appears on the screen, with cash pouring through it into a Swiss bank account. The crowd roars with laughter.)

Trump:

"Step three: the IRS. We’re going to turn the IRS into a customer service hotline. You call them up, and instead of auditing you, they’ll thank you for calling. ‘Thank you for not paying your taxes, you’re making America rich again.’ That’s what they’ll say, folks. And no more audits, okay? Audits are for losers."

(The crowd chants, “No audits! No audits!” as a person dressed as Uncle Sam runs onto the stage with a giant eraser, rubbing out the words “Tax Bill” on a whiteboard.)

Trump:

"Step four: offshore accounts. We’re going to make them mandatory. That’s right, folks. If your money isn’t in the Caymans or Switzerland, what are you even doing? And don’t worry—we’ll call it ‘strategic patriot relocation.’ Sounds very legal, right? It’s going to be huge."

(The crowd cheers as a giant map of tax havens lights up behind Trump, each one flashing with dollar signs.)

Trump:

"And step five—this is the big one, folks—we’re going to abolish the idea of taxes altogether. Why should we pay anything? The government can print money, folks. I do it in my businesses all the time. Works like a charm!"

(The crowd erupts into a standing ovation. Someone tosses fake $100 bills into the air, shouting, “Print, baby, print!”)

Trump (raising a fist):

"So let’s come together, folks. Let’s evade like we’ve never evaded before. Let’s keep our money where it belongs—in our pockets. And together, we’ll Make Tax Evasion Great Again! Believe me, it’s going to be tremendous."

(The stage lights dim as a choir of accountants sings a rousing rendition of “Don’t Stop Believin’,” replacing the lyrics with “Don’t Stop Deceivin’.” Confetti shaped like dollar signs falls as Trump waves to the ecstatic crowd.)

End scene. 

Make Honesty Great Again by ChatGPT

Donald Trump’s “Make Honesty Great Again” Rally

Scene: A packed stadium, draped in banners reading "Make Honesty Great Again." A giant gold statue of a Pinocchio with an abnormally short nose stands centre stage. The crowd cheers wildly as Trump steps out, a halo of light (from well-placed spotlights) shining behind him.

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Trump (raising hands):

"Ladies and gentlemen, people say I’m the most honest person they’ve ever met. Tremendously honest. I’m so honest, it’s unbelievable. And you know what? Honesty in this country is DEAD. Finished. Gone. But don’t worry—we’re going to bring it back. We’re going to make honesty great again!"

(The crowd cheers as someone waves a banner saying, “Lying is fake news!”)

Trump:

"Honesty used to mean something. People could look you in the eye and say, ‘This is the truth,’ and you could believe it. Not anymore. Now, you’ve got all these people—fake news, fake polls, fake weather—telling you things that are totally false. Like when they say it rains in Scotland. Total lie. I’ve been there. Never rained once when I was playing golf!"

(The crowd laughs, a lone heckler shouts, “What about your taxes?” Trump ignores them masterfully.)

Trump:

"Now, let me tell you about my honesty plan—it’s beautiful. First, we’re going to set up the Truth Police. That’s right, folks. If you lie, even just a little, we’re sending the Truth Police to knock on your door. ‘Excuse me, ma’am, but did you REALLY go to the gym this morning, or was that a Facebook lie?’ No more fake fitness posts, okay?"

(The crowd erupts into applause. A man in the front row guiltily deletes a post on his phone about his “6 a.m. workout.”)

Trump:

"Second, we’re going to replace lie detectors with something better. It’s called the Trump Truth-o-Meter™. It’s huge, folks, it’s revolutionary. You step in front of it, say whatever you want, and it’ll tell you instantly if you’re being honest. And trust me, it works. I’ve tested it myself—100% honest every time!"

(Behind Trump, a screen displays the Truth-o-Meter. It flashes “TRUTH!” every time he speaks, accompanied by fireworks.)

Trump:

"Third, we’re banning all those little lies people tell to ‘spare feelings.’ If someone asks, ‘Do I look good in this outfit?’ You HAVE to tell them the truth! No more ‘Oh, you look fine.’ You say, ‘No, Karen, you look like a potato in a trench coat.’ It’s the law, folks. Real honesty starts with being brutally honest. It’s what makes us strong."

(The audience roars with approval. Several people glance nervously at their significant others.)

Trump:

"And folks, let’s talk about politicians. You know they’re the biggest liars of all. But not me, okay? I’m the truthiest of them all. When I say something, you KNOW it’s true. Like when I said we’d build a wall and make Mexico pay for it. Did Mexico pay? Of course not—but it was still an honest effort! That’s what counts!"

(The audience chants, “HONESTY! HONESTY!” as a group of hired actors dressed as George Washington and Abraham Lincoln march out, saluting Trump.)

Trump:

"And finally, folks, we’re going to make honesty profitable. You tell the truth, you get tax breaks. You lie, you pay double. It’s simple math—honesty pays, lying costs. Just imagine: an America where every car salesman, every politician, every reality TV star tells the truth! It’s going to be tremendous."

(The crowd goes wild. Confetti shaped like tiny noses falls from the ceiling. Someone in the back holds up a sign: “No More Pinocchios!”)

Trump (winking):

"So, let’s all come together and Make Honesty Great Again! Because if there’s one thing I know, it’s that honesty is the best policy—and folks, I NEVER lie. Believe me."

(The crowd erupts into cheers as Trump waves. In the background, a balloon shaped like a short-nosed Pinocchio floats skyward, symbolising the death of lies—or so they claim.)

End scene.

Make Tolerance Great Again by ChatGPT

Donald Trump’s “Make Tolerance Great Again” Rally

Scene: A glitter-filled stadium with rainbow banners, peace signs, and a massive inflatable globe labeled “One Planet, Tremendous Diversity.” The crowd is a bizarre mix of hippies, bikers, corporate executives, and confused MAGA supporters. Trump struts onto the stage to Kumbaya performed by an all-banjo ensemble.

---

Trump (smiling broadly):

"Folks, we are here today for something incredible. Something big. Maybe even bigger than my inauguration crowd—well, almost. Today, we’re going to Make Tolerance Great Again! And I mean tolerance for everyone! Even the ones you don’t like. Believe me, it’s not easy."

(The crowd erupts into applause, though a man in the front row quietly mutters, “What’s the catch?”)

Trump:

"Now, let’s talk about tolerance. I’ve got tolerance, folks. Tremendous tolerance. People say, ‘Donald, how do you put up with all those nasty tweets?’ And I say, ‘Because I’m the most tolerant person you’ll ever meet!’ I even tolerate the fake news media! Barely."

(The audience laughs nervously. A journalist in the back adjusts their press badge.)

Trump:

"Tolerance isn’t just about saying, ‘Fine, I guess I’ll deal with you.’ No, no. Tolerance is about hugging the people who annoy you the most. Hugging them so tight they stop talking. Like that guy behind you in line who won’t stop complaining about oat milk—hug him!"

(A woman in yoga pants shouts, “We love oat milk!” Trump waves her off.)

Trump:

"And let’s be honest, folks. Tolerance is tough. Very tough. You think it’s easy tolerating slow walkers, bad drivers, or people who clap when the plane lands? It’s not. But we’re going to do it. Why? Because we’re better than them!"

(Cheers break out. A biker in a leather jacket yells, “Hug the slow walkers!”)

Trump:

"And let’s not stop there. We need tolerance for the big stuff, too. Different opinions, different lifestyles, even pineapple on pizza. I don’t like it, but I’ll tolerate it. I’ll tolerate it bigly!"

(The crowd erupts into chants of “Pineapple! Pineapple!” A pizza delivery guy in the audience looks conflicted.)

Trump:

"We’re also going to create a National Tolerance Day. Picture this: a holiday where you have to sit in a room with your most annoying relative and agree on one thing. Just one! Maybe it’s that dogs are cute, or that cake is good. Start small, folks. Baby steps."

(A hippie with a tie-dye shirt yells, “Love is the answer!” Trump winks and pretends to meditate.)

Trump:

"And, folks, we’re going to have Tolerance Training Camps. But not the boring kind. No, these will be fun. Team-building exercises, tolerance karaoke, and trust falls with people you secretly hate. Believe me, it’ll work. Or you’ll walk away with some bruises. Either way, progress!"

(The crowd laughs. A MAGA hat-wearer and a hipster high-five awkwardly.)

Trump:

"So remember, folks, tolerance isn’t about liking everyone. It’s about pretending to like them long enough to get along. Together, we’ll Make Tolerance Great Again, and maybe, just maybe, we’ll all survive Thanksgiving dinner this year."

(Confetti cannons erupt, showering the crowd in glitter and little paper doves. Trump waves as a mariachi band and a barbershop quartet team up for an off-key rendition of We Are the World.)

End scene.

Make Unemployment Great Again by ChatGPT

Donald Trump’s “Make Unemployment Great Again” Rally

Scene: A sparse auditorium. The audience is a mix of laid-off workers, philosophy majors, and people who just showed up for the free snacks. A giant inflatable piggy bank with a deflated side dominates the stage. Trump walks out, waving enthusiastically, to the theme from Rocky, but played on a kazoo.

---

Trump:

"Ladies and gentlemen, jobless and proud, it’s so good to see you here today. Or, you know, not see you working. Today, we’re starting a movement. A big one. A tremendous one. We’re going to Make Unemployment Great Again!"

(The audience cheers weakly. Someone shouts, “Do we still get benefits?” Trump gives a thumbs-up without answering.)

Trump:

"Look, let’s face it. Working is overrated. Why wake up early, wear a tie, sit in traffic, and answer to some boss named Steve who microwaves fish in the office? It’s insanity! Folks, unemployment is the ultimate freedom. It’s like retirement, but without the golf or the guilt!"

(A woman in the front row claps while eating a bag of crisps.)

Trump:

"Let’s talk history, folks. Some of the greatest people in the world were unemployed. Van Gogh? No day job. Shakespeare? Probably between gigs when he wrote those plays. And me? I’ve been between jobs a few times. It builds character!"

(The crowd nods in agreement. A guy in a “World’s Okayest Worker” T-shirt raises his fist in solidarity.)

Trump:

"Now, I know what you’re thinking: ‘Donald, how do we make unemployment great again?’ And I’ll tell you. We’re going to rebrand it. No more ‘unemployed.’ That’s a sad word. Too negative. From now on, we’re calling it ‘funemployed.’ You’re not jobless; you’re joy-fulled!"

(The crowd murmurs approvingly. A guy in the back yells, “Sign me up!” Trump points at him like a rock star.)

Trump:

"And listen, folks. We’re going to bring pride back to unemployment. No more filling out résumés or pretending to ‘network.’ Nope. We’re going to start parades. Funemployment Parades! Floats, confetti, giant balloons of famous slackers—Bart Simpson, The Dude, and maybe a big balloon of me lounging on a gold-plated recliner. Beautiful!"

(The crowd chants, “Parade! Parade!” Someone blows an air horn.)

Trump:

"And benefits, folks, let’s not forget. We’ll expand benefits. Universal Wi-Fi, free Netflix subscriptions, and weekly pizza deliveries. That’s the new unemployment package. Oh, and no more job interviews! Those are torture. If they want you, they should just swipe right on your LinkedIn."

(A woman in the third row yells, “Finally!” while holding up her phone.)

Trump:

"But we won’t stop there, folks. We’ll create a whole economy around unemployment. Forget Silicon Valley—it’s Sloth Valley now! Apps for lounging, seminars on perfecting the nap, and a reality show called ‘America’s Next Top Couch Potato.’ And believe me, folks, I’d win. I’m great at relaxing."

(The crowd gives a standing ovation, but half sit down halfway through because it’s too much effort.)

Trump:

"So remember, folks, unemployment isn’t a problem. It’s an opportunity. Together, we’ll Make Unemployment Great Again. And I promise, when we’re done, no one will ever want to work again. Believe me."

(He tosses novelty cheques for $1.25 into the crowd as people scramble half-heartedly. The lights dim, and a sad trombone plays him offstage. The slogan “No Work, No Worries!” flashes on the screen as everyone files out at a leisurely pace.)

End scene.