Trump stands on stage, basking in the glow of sparklers handed out to the crowd (because the fireworks budget ran out). He begins his speech:
"Folks, 2024 was incredible. I mean, so many things happened—historic things! And 2025? It’s going to be even better. Believe me. Nobody’s had a better New Year’s Eve rally than this, okay?"
Before he can go further, a hand shoots up in the crowd. A woman stands, microphone in hand:
"Mr. Trump, why did you say last January that ‘the tornadoes were tremendous and very pro-wind energy’ while half of Kansas was blown away?"
Trump squints at her and leans into the mic:
"Great question. Fantastic. Look, I love Kansas. Nobody loves Kansas more than me. The tornadoes—very strong, very powerful, tremendous respect for nature. And let me tell you, we turned that tragedy into a business opportunity. Kansas now has the biggest umbrella factory in the world. You're welcome."
A man in a tattered "Trump 2020" shirt stands next:
"Sir, about the meteors hitting Florida… You said they were ‘gifts from space.’ Are we supposed to be thankful for those?"
Trump waves dismissively:
"Space is tough, okay? Very tough. But we made the best out of it. Disney built a new park around one of those craters—Meteor Kingdom, folks. It’s doing huge numbers. So, Florida came out ahead, really."
Another hand goes up, this time an older gentleman:
"Mr. President, why did you call the blackout in August a ‘celebration of darkness’ when the power grid failed for three days?"
Trump grins:
"People love candlelight. Very romantic. And honestly, it was a great way to reconnect with nature. Plus, the savings on electricity bills? Massive. You’re welcome."
A teenager raises their phone, broadcasting the event live:
"Sir, what about the time you said the ‘Great Internet Crash of 2024’ was actually a ‘digital detox campaign’?"
Trump points at them, laughing:
"Ah, yes, the digital detox. You kids, always on your phones. I did you a favour. Now, people are talking to each other again. Families are closer. We saved Christmas because of that."
As more questions pile up, Trump deflects, dodges, and spins like a seasoned carnival act. The crowd grows restless, and someone finally shouts:
"When are we getting the checks for the ‘tremendous tax rebates’ you promised?"
Trump smirks:
"Checks? Oh, they’re coming, folks. Believe me. But let’s focus on the real prize—2025! It’s going to be the best year ever! Happy New Year!"
The rally ends with awkward silence, punctuated only by the sound of sparklers fizzling out.
