Donald Trump, having watched a cooking show on TV, decides to try baking a cake. He’s sure it’ll be "tremendous," "the best cake anyone has ever seen." After all, he’s great at everything—just ask him.
He stands in the kitchen, wearing an apron that says "You’re Fired!" and waves his hands as he announces to the room, "I know cakes. I’m a winner at everything I do. This is going to be huge."
First, he attempts to measure the ingredients, but instead of flour, he accidentally grabs a container of powdered sugar. "It’s all the same, right?" he says, scooping it in with his hands. He pours a lot of it in, all while explaining to an imaginary audience how "nobody makes sugar like I do—people say it’s the best."
The recipe calls for eggs, but Trump is confused. He cracks two dozen into the bowl. "Eggs are a very special ingredient. People love eggs. They know I get the best eggs."
As he mixes the ingredients with a whisk, the bowl nearly explodes from the force of his stirring. "This is how you make things great—lots of action. You need action to make things work."
He slides the batter into the oven, cranks it up to 500°F because "you need heat to make things big." After a few minutes, the smell starts to fill the room. It’s not pleasant.
"Don’t worry, it’s going to be fantastic," Trump insists, pacing around the kitchen like a CEO before a big meeting. Ten minutes later, smoke starts billowing out of the oven. Trump opens the door to reveal what can only be described as a burnt, bubbling mess.
His assistant enters and gasps. "Mr. Trump, that’s not a cake. That’s a disaster!"
Trump, undeterred, waves his hand dismissively. "I’ve seen worse. It’s just a little overcooked, that’s all. It’s probably better this way—people will talk about it for years."
