Scene: PFJ Headquarters
The PFJ gathers for a brainstorming session.
REG: Right, comrades, we need to spread the message. Paint Romanes eunt domus on every wall in Jerusalem. Who’s up for it?
ELON THE MUSKRAT: (stroking his whiskers, voice dripping with condescension) Paint? Really? That’s so… primitive. Have you considered innovation? Automation? Disruption?
STAN: (confused) Disruption of what?
ELON: (smirking) Everything. I’ll design a revolutionary graffiti system—fully autonomous, solar-powered, and capable of writing Romanes eunt domus on 10,000 walls per hour.
JUDITH: (dubious) We only have a few walls.
ELON: (ignoring her) Don’t worry, it’ll revolutionise rebellion. I’ll call it… SprayStar™.
Scene: Elon in Action
Elon drags a massive, cobbled-together contraption into the city square. It’s a chaotic mess of gears, tubes, and what appears to be a wheelbarrow duct-taped to a catapult.
ELON: (proudly) Behold, the Muskrat Graffiti Autonomous Deployment System. Patent pending.
REG: (skeptical) Does it work?
ELON: (offended) Does it work? It’s a Muskrat invention! Of course it—
Before he finishes, the machine fires a can of red paint into the sky, drenching a passing Roman soldier. The crowd gasps.
ROMAN SOLDIER: (furious) Who did this?!
The PFJ scatters while Elon calmly adjusts a lever.
ELON: Beta testing. Completely normal.
Scene: The Chaos Escalates
Over the next few hours, Elon’s SprayStar™ system malfunctions repeatedly, causing the following:
Random Latin Nonsense: Instead of Romanes eunt domus, the machine writes:
- Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet.
- Et tu, Brute?
- Muskratus maximus!
Collateral Damage:
- Several goats are accidentally painted red.
- A Roman bathhouse is plastered with the words Romans smell funny.
Unexpected Features:
- The machine starts “live-tweeting” its progress by carving symbols into nearby walls, proclaiming, #RevolutionaryTech.
Scene: Roman Reaction
The Romans are baffled by the graffiti.
CENTURION: (reading a wall) Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet? What does it mean? Is it code?
LEGIONARY: (nervously) Sir, the goats are painted too. Maybe it’s a… goat cult?
CENTURION: (panicking) We must crush this goat rebellion before it spreads!
The Romans double their patrols, leaving the PFJ free to plot their next move.
Scene: PFJ Headquarters
The PFJ regroups to assess the damage.
REG: (furious) You’ve turned the rebellion into a farce! Look at this wall—it says Buy SprayStar™, coming soon.
ELON: (smiling smugly) Branding. It’s the future.
BRIAN: (exasperated) You’ve painted random Latin gibberish everywhere!
ELON: (defensive) It’s not gibberish. It’s synergy. Also, I’ve started selling ad space. The next phase is a subscription model—Romans will pay not to be painted.
STAN: (reading a scroll) The Romans are terrified of goat conspiracies now. Maybe it worked?
JUDITH: (nodding) And I kind of like the red goats. Very avant-garde.
REG: (grudgingly) Fine. But next time, just use a bloody brush.
ELON: (grinning) Boring. I’m already prototyping a laser system for the next mission. Imagine: Romanes eunt domus written on the moon.
REG: (muttering) I need a drink.
