Frank Costanza storms into the hardware store, eyes wide with purpose.
Frank (yelling at a clerk): "I need a drill! A big one! The kind that makes holes in the ground, not your brain!"
Clerk (confused): “Uh, sir, we have several kinds of drills—”
Frank (interrupting, arms flailing): "I don’t care about ‘several kinds’! Just point to the one that can fix this mess of a world! I need to drill some sense into people! You got that? You got a drill for sense? No? Then get me something that'll make a real impact!"
Frank (squinting at a shelf of paint cans): "What kind of paint is this? It’s called ‘Eggshell’? What is this? Are we painting the walls or cooking breakfast?!"
Clerk (now backing away slowly): "Sir, maybe you’d like to try the other aisle?"
Frank (pointing dramatically): “I’ll tell you what aisle I want—the aisle of sanity! The aisle where things make sense! Is that too much to ask?!”
More Wit and Wisdom from Frank Costanza
Frank: “You’re telling me this thing—this thing—is actually happening? It’s like a squirrel trying to drive a car! No, scratch that—it’s like a squirrel on roller skates trying to drive a car through a car wash! The wheels are spinning, but nothing’s getting done! It’s a disaster waiting to happen!”
Frank (pausing for a beat, shaking his head): “It’s like trying to make soup out of a rock. You’re just standing there, holding a spoon, pretending you’re gonna get something edible, when all you’ve got is nothing but a rock and a wet spoon!”
Frank (gesturing wildly): “I’ve seen more logic in a bowl of cereal with no milk! This is ridiculous. You can’t tell me you’re gonna change the world with this! It’s like handing a toddler a chainsaw and telling them to ‘make art.’ What do you think’s gonna happen? An abstract masterpiece? No! You get chaos—utter chaos! That’s what you get!”
