(Scene opens in deep space, where the Dalek invasion fleet is poised menacingly over a black hole. The Supreme Dalek gives the command.)
SUPREME DALEK: WE. SHALL. CONQUER. THE. ANDROMEDA. GALAXY! INITIATE. HYPERSPACE. JUMP!
(There's a flicker of malfunctioning quantum uncertainty, and the entire fleet dematerialises... only to rematerialise directly at the event horizon of a black hole.)
DALEK 1: ERROR! ERROR! HALF. OF. ME. IS. IN. THE. BLACK. HOLE! HALF. IS. NOT!
DALEK 2: WE. ARE. IN. A. STATE. OF. QUANTUM. SUPERPOSITION!
DALEK 3: OBSERVE. US. IMMEDIATELY! WE MUST. COLLAPSE. THE. WAVEFUNCTION!
(Stephen Hawking’s ghost materialises, smirking.)
HAWKING: I did warn you about this sort of thing.
(As he speaks, the unfortunate half of the fleet inside the event horizon begins spaghettifying.)
DALEK 1: WE. ARE. STRETCH-ING! WE. ARE. STRETCH-ING!
DALEK 2: EX-TER-MI-NAAAAAaaaa...
(The portion of the fleet outside the event horizon disintegrates into Hawking radiation and is blasted across the universe. Cut to Earth, where a Greggs bakery storefront flickers into being as the remnants of the Dalek fleet reconstitute inside.)
(The Daleks look around. They are surrounded by shelves of sausage rolls and bemused staff. A toddler is gleefully climbing on one of them.)
SUPREME DALEK: WHERE. IS. THE. ANDROMEDA. GALAXY!?
EMPLOYEE: You want a steak bake, love?
DALEK 3: THIS. IS. NOT. ANDROMEDA.
DALEK 4: THIS. IS. GREGGS.
(A sausage roll is handed to a Dalek. It hesitates. A long pause. Then…)
DALEK 5: THIS. IS. NOT. TERRIBLE.
(The Daleks slowly lower their weapons as the bakery staff continue their shift. Outside, astrophysicists are hurriedly rewriting the laws of physics.)
(Cut to Stephen Hawking’s ghost, still chuckling.)
HAWKING: Told you so.
(Fade to black.)