Make Afro-America Great Again by ChatGPT

Trump at a Rally:

“Folks, let me tell you, nobody—and I mean nobody—has done more for Black people than me. Not Lincoln, not Martin Luther King Jr., not even Beyoncé. They all called me, folks. They said, ‘Sir, thank you for what you’re doing.’ And now, I’m here to say it: we’re going to make Blacks great again! Believe me.”

(A mixed cheer and awkward silence ripple through the crowd.)

“Now, first, we need to fix the economy for Black Americans. Under me, Black unemployment was the lowest in history. Lowest ever. Some say I cured it! Nobody’s ever cured unemployment before, folks, but I did it, and I’ll do it again. Black Americans love me. I have polls—great polls—that prove it. They’re at least 100% accurate, maybe more.”

(A man in the back whispers, “Wait, did he just say he cured unemployment?”)

“And let’s talk about culture. Hip-hop? Tremendous! I love it. They all talk about me in their songs—Kanye, Ice Cube, Lil Pump. Even when they’re being mean, they’re still talking about me. That’s influence, folks. I inspired an entire culture! But let’s elevate it. Instead of rapping about problems, let’s rap about solutions. Like tax cuts. Or infrastructure. That’s what I’d call Bigly Beats.”

(A small group starts chanting, “Bigly Beats! Bigly Beats!” while others cringe visibly.)

“And let’s make history great again! I want statues of great Black Americans. We’ll keep Harriet Tubman and Frederick Douglass, of course—Douglass is doing amazing things right now, amazing. But we need new statues. Like one of Kanye, holding a MAGA hat, or Diamond and Silk. We’re building a legacy here, folks!”

(The crowd claps awkwardly, while a historian faints in the back.)

“And education! Nobody’s done more for Black colleges than me. Historically Black Colleges and Universities—HBCUs—they call me the saviour of education. But let’s expand it: Historically Trump Universities. Think about it! Black students learning about winning. Nobody wins like me.”

(Scattered applause as someone mutters, “Isn’t Trump University defunct?”)

“Folks, when I say we’re making Blacks great again, I mean all of them. Every single one. They’re already great, but with me? They’ll be tremendous. Believe me.”

(Wild applause from some, while others stare at him in stunned disbelief.)

Make Compulsory Treatment Of Delusional Behaviour Great Again by ChatGPT

Trump at a Rally:

“Alright, folks, you’ve heard me talk about it—early detection of delusion. Now, I’m taking it one step further. We’re going to make compulsory treatment of delusional behaviour great again! That’s right, folks. I’m talking about getting the job done, not just detecting it, but fixing it. And we’re going to fix it quickly—before anyone even knows what hit them!”

(The crowd murmurs, unsure of where this is going, but they know it’s going to be big.)

“Here’s how it works, folks. Let’s say someone in your life starts saying things like, ‘I think the moon landing was fake,’ or ‘I’m the king of England.’ You know what we do? We take them in for compulsory treatment. Boom. It’s like taking your car in for a tune-up, okay? We get them back in shape. No more worrying about delusions. They’ll be fixed, fast!”

(A man in the front row raises his hand, “But Mr. President, what if I think I’m the best at everything?” Trump points at him, grinning.)

“Great question, pal. If you’re delusional, we’ll treat it. We’ll treat it like it’s nothing. You think you’re the best at everything? Well, guess what—you’re going to get some reality treatment. We’re gonna teach you that maybe, just maybe, you’re not the greatest. You’ll find out that the world doesn’t revolve around you, buddy. It’s going to be tough, but in the end, you’ll be so well-adjusted you won’t even believe it!”

(The crowd starts to get more excited, imagining what this “treatment” might look like. Some are wondering if it involves a trip to a spa or a motivational speaker.)

“Now, folks, I know some of you are thinking, ‘Trump, are you serious about this?’ And I’m telling you, yes, we’re serious. It’s time we treated delusion like a disease. And we’re going to treat it just like any other disease. We’re going to send people to delusion camps, where they’ll get intensive care—reality therapy, folks. They’ll be sitting there, surrounded by experts, getting their minds straightened out. No more talking about how the Earth is flat. No more thinking you’re a lizard person. We’re fixing it! Fast.”

(The crowd is clapping, and some even nod in agreement, imagining themselves getting “reality therapy.” A few start wondering if they’re overdue for a visit to the delusion camp.)

“And don’t even get me started on the scientific methods, folks. We’ve got the best scientists. They’re going to shock the delusion right out of you. I’m talking electrotherapy, folks. It’s going to be like a reboot for your brain. Just zap the delusion right out. And you’ll walk away thinking, ‘Wow, I was wrong about that thing, wasn’t I?’”

(The crowd is now enthusiastically cheering, some with their hands in the air, as though they’ve been given a new lease on life.)

“And for those of you who don’t like the idea of compulsory treatment—guess what? You don’t have to worry about it. We’ll just put a delusion detector on you, and if it goes off, boom! Off to the treatment center you go. No questions asked. It’s for your own good, okay? We’re making sure everyone gets the treatment they need. No more wandering around thinking you’re a time traveler from the future. We’re going to put you back in the present, folks. We’re going to make you relevant again!”

(The crowd is roaring now, chanting, “Treat them! Treat them!” A few are already wondering how they can get their own delusion detector, just to be safe.)

“And let me tell you something, folks. Once we’ve made compulsory treatment of delusional behavior great again, you won’t have to worry about a single person saying they’re the second coming of Napoleon. No more thinking the government’s out to get you. No more thinking you’re the center of the universe. Everyone’s going to be fixed—and it’s going to be wonderful!”

(The crowd is clapping, yelling, “Fix us! Fix us!” as if they’re signing up for the latest trendy wellness program.)

“We’re going to get rid of delusion in this country. And believe me, folks, it’s going to be great. No one will ever say, ‘I’m living in a simulation,’ and they won’t even know what happened to them. They’ll just be walking around, thinking, ‘Wow, I’m finally seeing things clearly.’ And that’s what we want, folks—clear, rational thinking. It’s going to be tremendous!”

(The crowd is on its feet, cheering wildly, the idea of compulsory treatment somehow sounding like the ultimate solution to everything.)

“Let’s make compulsory treatment of delusional behaviour great again, folks! Believe me—it’s going to be huge!”

Make The Early Detection Of Delusional Behaviour Great Again by ChatGPT

Trump at a Rally:

“Alright, folks, I’ve got something big, something tremendous to say today. You’ve heard of the early detection of cancer, right? Well, let me tell you—we’re going to make the early detection of delusional behaviour great again! That’s right, folks. We’re going to spot delusion before it even starts. We’ll be able to identify it the moment it even thinks about existing. You won’t believe it!”

(The crowd is quiet, some looking around at each other, unsure if they should laugh or start cheering.)

“Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, ‘Trump, what are you talking about? Early detection of delusion? That sounds crazy!’ And I’m telling you, folks, that’s the point! It’s time we made delusion the mainstream. Because here’s the deal—if you can detect it early, you can stop it early. And that’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to detect delusion, and we’re going to stop it in its tracks, folks. Fast. You won’t even know what hit you!”

(A man in the front row raises his hand, “But how do we do that, Mr. President?” Trump points at him, a gleam in his eye.)

“Simple, folks! We’re going to start with the tests. We’ll have delusion detectors, you’ll wear them on your wrist—like a watch, folks. You’ll just tap it, and boom, bam—instant delusion check. You’ll know if you’re about to start believing that something’s too good to be true, or if you’ve suddenly decided the Earth is flat. It’s going to be great, okay? So simple. Everybody’s gonna wear them, even your dog. We’re going to detect delusion in everything—your pets, your neighbours, your friends. No one’s safe from the delusion detector!”

(The crowd is looking increasingly excited, imagining themselves with a gadget on their wrist that spots delusion, wondering if it’ll also tell them when they’ve had too much coffee.)

“And let me tell you, folks, these detectors, they’re going to be so accurate. They’re going to detect delusion faster than anyone has ever detected anything, okay? You’ll be sitting in a room, and suddenly someone will say, ‘I think I can fly,’ and boom—the detector will go off! You’ll know instantly, ‘Hey, this guy’s delusional! Call a professional!’”

(A woman in the back yells, “But what if I’m the one who’s delusional?!” Trump laughs and waves it off.)

“Don’t worry, folks, you won’t even have to worry about it. The detector will let you know, and it’ll tell you how to fix it. It’s going to be a self-correcting system. The best system. You think you’re Napoleon? Boom, the detector will buzz, and it’ll say, ‘No, buddy, you’re just a regular guy. Get a grip!’ And guess what? You’ll snap right back into reality. Fast. Like I said, folks, we’re talking instantaneous fixes.”

(A man from the back shouts, “So can it tell if I’m delusional about my hair?” Trump grins.)

“Of course! It’ll even tell you if your hair’s out of control, folks. Everything—from your hair to your financial projections. It’s going to be so great, you won’t even believe it. I don’t even believe it, but we’re going to make it happen. It’s going to be huge!”

(The crowd, now on board, begins chanting “Early detection! Early detection!” like they’re preparing for a new health craze. Some are already imagining wearing delusion detectors to dinner parties.)

“We’re going to give everyone a special certificate—a ‘Delusion-Free Certification.’ If you pass the test, you get it. You’ll wear it like a badge of honour. You’ll be the most sane person in the room, folks. You’ll walk in and everyone will go, ‘Wow, look at that! They’ve got the Delusion-Free badge!’ And they’ll know you’re the most stable person there. You’re the one who can see the truth. You’re the truth-teller.”

(The crowd starts chanting “Truth-teller! Truth-teller!” with wild excitement. A few start imagining how their social circles will change once they’re wearing the “Delusion-Free” badge like a gold medal.)

“And guess what else, folks? We’re going to have delusion rehab. That’s right. If you fail the test, no worries! We’re going to send you to delusion rehab—and it’s going to be a tremendous facility. State-of-the-art. You’ll be in a room with other people who think they’re superheroes, or they believe they can control the weather. It’s going to be the best rehabilitation centre ever. No one’s going to get stuck in delusion ever again!”

(The crowd claps enthusiastically, imagining themselves going to “delusion rehab” as a vacation.)

“So, let’s do it, folks. Let’s make the early detection of delusional behaviour great again. And trust me, we’re going to catch it early, fix it fast, and make sure you never fall into delusion again. It’s going to be so successful, people will say, ‘Wow, that Trump, he really knows how to keep us grounded.’”

(The rally erupts into wild applause, and a few people, now deeply invested in the concept, start wondering if their own family members need a delusion detector as a Christmas gift.)

“Let’s make early detection of delusional behaviour great again, folks! Believe me!”

Make Delusional Behaviour Great Again by ChatGPT

Trump at a Rally:

“Alright, alright, folks, listen up! You’re about to hear something that’s going to blow your mind, okay? We’ve been hearing a lot of talk about mental health, and let me tell you—nobody understands mental health better than me, okay? I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. And I’m here to tell you today—we’re going to make delusional behaviour great again! DBGA! That’s right, folks, we’re bringing delusion back! The best kind of delusion!”

(The crowd looks around, some people nodding as they try to figure out whether it’s a joke or a new policy initiative.)

“Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, ‘Wait a minute, Trump, what are you talking about? Delusion? That’s not normal.’ And I say, ‘Folks, normal is overrated, okay? We’ve been too focused on reality, and look where it’s gotten us. Nowhere. We need a new reality, a reality where everything is possible, where nothing is impossible. A delusional reality! And it’s going to be tremendous.”

(A few people look at each other, unsure if they should be applauding or calling for help.)

“Think about it, folks. Delusional behavior is the key to success. You want to be a winner, right? You’ve got to believe things that other people say are impossible. I’ve done it my whole life—believing things that are so big, so huge, people said, ‘You’re crazy!’ And I said, ‘I’m not crazy, I’m just delusional—in the best possible way!’ And that’s why I’m here today to tell you that we’re going to make delusion the new standard. The new gold standard! The best standard!”

(Someone in the crowd yells, “But isn’t that just being insane?” Trump points at him enthusiastically.)

“Exactly! But let me tell you, being ‘insane’—that’s just what they want you to believe. They want you to be afraid of thinking big, folks. But not me. I’m telling you—delusion is the future. You want a new car? You’ve already got it. You want to live on the moon? It’s already happening, okay? We’re going to build a moon base, and it’s going to be so luxurious, you won’t believe it. And it’s going to be tremendously cheap. People will be like, ‘How did he do that?’ And I’ll say, ‘Because I believed it.’”

(A woman in the front row raises her hand, asking, “But how are we going to afford a moon base?” Trump waves her off.)

“Simple, folks. You just have to believe it’s possible. Once you believe, the money will come. It’ll just appear. That’s how it works, folks. You’ve got to manifest it. Visualize it, and it happens. Believe me, it’s going to be the biggest thing ever. And guess what? We’re going to give everyone free space suits! That’s right, folks, free space suits for everyone! You’ll all be walking around in your shiny new suits, saying, ‘Wow, I never thought this would be real. But it is!’”

(The crowd is starting to chant, “DBGA! DBGA!” with excitement as the vision of a delusional future starts to take hold. Some are already imagining moon vacations.)

“We’re going to build cities in the sky, folks. You’ll be flying to work in your personal jetpacks every morning. You won’t even need roads. You won’t need them, okay? The roads? Gone. We’re going straight to the skies. And don’t worry, folks—we’re going to make flying cars happen. I know people are saying it’s impossible, but guess what? Nothing’s impossible when you believe. It’s going to be beautiful, just like everything else we’ve done. And if you want to live in a floating palace in the clouds? It’s yours—just believe it, folks. Believe it!”

(Someone in the back yells, “But where are the flying cars supposed to go?” Trump looks at him, bewildered.)

“Who cares, buddy? That’s not the point! The point is, we believe it. And when you believe in something big enough, you can make it happen. Just like I did with the wall. The biggest wall. And we’re gonna make that wall float too. Floating walls, folks! Just think about that for a second. The greatest floating wall ever. It’ll be so incredible, you won’t even be able to see it. It’ll be the invisible wall—the best kind of wall!”

(The crowd starts chanting “Invisible! Invisible!” as they picture an enormous invisible wall floating majestically in the sky.)

“So get ready, folks. Delusional behaviour is going to be the new American way. We’re going to dream big, believe big, and make the impossible happen. Delusion is the key to greatness. You’ll be living in floating castles on the moon, driving jetpacks to work, and manifesting everything you’ve ever wanted. It’s going to be so huge, you won’t even believe it. Believe me, folks, you won’t believe it!”

(The crowd erupts in cheers, chanting “DBGA! DBGA!” as they imagine their impossible, delusional futures.)

“Let’s make delusional behaviour great again, folks! And remember—if you can’t see it, it’s probably working! Believe me!”

(Trump waves as the crowd continues chanting, already making plans to order invisible flying cars and floating castles.)

Make Enlightened Humanitarianism Great Again by ChatGPT

Trump at a Rally:

“Alright, folks, I’ve been thinking—big ideas, the best ideas. And guess what? It’s time to make Enlightened Humanitarianism great again! MEHGA! That’s right, folks. I’m bringing it back. Bringing it back big! And let me tell you—this is going to be huge, absolutely huge!”

(The crowd stares blankly for a moment, wondering if "Enlightened Humanitarianism" is a new brand of socks or a global movement.)

“Now, I know what you’re all thinking. You’re thinking, ‘Trump, what do you mean by ‘Enlightened Humanitarianism?’ What does it even mean?’ And I’m gonna tell you. It means we’re going to care about people, folks. And I’m talking real caring. The best kind of caring. We’re going to make sure everyone has the opportunity to do whatever they want—anything they want—and be their best selves. It’s going to be so great, folks, so great, you won’t believe it.”

(A few people in the crowd nod slowly, unsure if they should be applauding yet.)

“Listen, folks, we’re going to build hospitals like you’ve never seen before. The best hospitals. Tremendous hospitals. Every single person will have access to the best health care, the most enlightened health care. We’ll give everyone the best medical treatments, and no one will have to wait—no lines, folks, no lines! It’s gonna be so fast. They’ll say, ‘Wow, Trump made health care so fast, it’s like a miracle!’”

(A nurse in the back mutters, “How fast can health care really be?” but no one notices.)

“We’re also going to have free education, folks. Free for everyone! The best education—I’m talking top-tier stuff here. No more of this nonsense, okay? No more bad schools, no more terrible curriculums. We’re going to teach people about what really matters. Humanitarianism, folks, we’re going to teach the humanitarian way. Everybody’s going to learn how to help, how to care, how to build a better world. I’m talking world-changing knowledge!”

(A man stands up with a "MAGA" hat and yells, "So, like, how do we do this?")

“Exactly! You’re getting it, buddy! And let me tell you, the best part? We’re going to give everyone who signs up for this movement a special badge. It’s a great badge, folks. It says, ‘I am an enlightened humanitarian!’ It’s going to be on your chest. Right there. And when people see it, they’re going to say, ‘Wow, that person is so enlightened! I wish I were as good as them!’”

(The crowd, still unsure, starts to applaud because there’s an actual badge involved. Someone in the back yells, "I want one!")

“And guess what? We’re going to do this all while being super sustainable. I’m talking eco-friendly, folks. No more waste. No more pollution. We’re going to clean up the oceans, save the whales, save the trees, save the air. And we’re going to do it fast. So fast. We’ll be planting trees before the trees even know they’re being planted. It’s going to be tremendous.”

(A person wearing a hemp shirt raises their hand. Trump points at them.)

“You’re right, buddy! Hemp! It’s going to be big. We’re going to make everything from hemp, folks. The shirts, the hats, the houses, the cars. We’re talking hemp-powered everything. The future’s going to be so green, it’s going to make Kermit jealous.”

(Some members of the crowd are now nodding as they mentally plan their first hemp-powered electric car purchase.)

“But you know what, folks? The biggest part of this? We’re going to bring peace to the world. World peace. It’s going to be incredible. No more wars, no more fighting. We’ll have global agreements—signed by everyone. And I’m not talking about these weak little deals, okay? We’re talking big deals. The best deals. Deals that make people say, ‘Wow, this is so peaceful, it’s almost boring. The most boring peace ever. That’s how peaceful it’s going to be!’”

(The crowd, now full of hopeful optimism, begins chanting “MEHGA! MEHGA!” while also mentally making plans to enroll in peace classes, tree-planting seminars, and possibly start a hemp farm.)

“So let’s do it, folks. Let’s make Enlightened Humanitarianism great again! And let me tell you, we’re going to be so nice, you won’t believe how nice we’ll be! We’re going to care about people, help people, give people everything they’ve ever wanted! And I’ll be the one to do it. Believe me.”

(The rally ends with everyone holding their “MEHGA” badges proudly and preparing for the first ever “Humanitarian Gala,” complete with a zero-waste buffet and a “save the planet” dance-off.)

Make Illegal Immigrants Great Again by ChatGPT

Trump at a Rally:

"Okay, folks, listen up! I’ve been thinking—big thoughts, the best thoughts—and I’ve come to a conclusion that’s going to shock you. Everybody’s been talking about immigration, okay? But nobody's been talking about what really matters. So today, I’m here to announce something big. Something HUGE! We’re gonna Make Illegal Immigrants Great Again! MIIA!"

(The crowd looks around, a mix of confusion and curiosity. Someone in the back mutters, "Did he just say illegal?")

"Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, ‘Wait a minute, isn’t that… you know, illegal?’ And I say, 'Listen, folks, I’ve always been about doing things differently, okay? Tremendously different!' This is going to be the greatest thing you’ve ever seen. The best thing! And I’m not just talking about the legal immigrants who followed the rules, no, no, no. I’m talking about the illegal ones, the ones who’ve been hiding in the shadows! We’re going to bring them into the light, folks! And they’re going to be bigger, better, and more incredible than ever!"

(A confused silence falls over the crowd. One person whispers, "This is either brilliant or insane.")

"So here’s what we’re gonna do. First, we’re giving every illegal immigrant a golden ticket. That’s right, a golden ticket to the greatest country on Earth. It’s going to be a VIP pass, folks! No more hiding, no more being treated like a second-class citizen. We’re going to make them first-class! We’re going to give them jobs, jobs, and more jobs! Tremendous jobs! And guess what? These aren’t just any jobs. No, folks, these are going to be high-paying, top-tier, luxurious jobs. We’re talking CEOs, astronauts, maybe even the next President! People are going to say, ‘Wow, how did they go from illegal to unbelievable?’"

(A man in the front row stands up, shaking his head. Trump points at him.)

"That’s right, buddy! You’ll see them in your neighborhoods—working hard, doing big things. And we’re going to make sure they get the best health insurance. Free healthcare, folks. Best healthcare—no waiting in line, no red tape. Just straight to the top. Unbelievable healthcare! And everyone’s gonna say, ‘How did that happen?’ And I’ll tell you how—because I did it!"

(The crowd starts to cheer, though some are still unsure if this is a joke or policy.)

"And we’re also going to make illegal immigration fashionable, folks. We’re giving away MIGA jackets. These jackets are going to be so nice, you won’t believe it. They’ll say, ‘Wow, you’ve got the MIGA jacket! You must be one of the most important people in America!’ And guess what? You’ll be wearing it in the White House. I’m telling you, folks, it’s going to be a revolution in fashion. The best revolution."

(An intern in the back begins feverishly designing a "MIGA" jacket with a gold zipper, unsure if this is just an offhand idea or a policy directive.)

"And we’ll build the greatest wall, folks—not to keep people out—no, no, no! This one’s going to be for the celebration. We’ll put up a wall, and every illegal immigrant who crosses it will get a certificate of achievement. Because, folks, they’ve achieved something. They’ve crossed the greatest wall in the world. And now they’re part of the greatest story in America—the story of success!"

(The crowd begins chanting “MIIA! MIIA!” as the concept of the rally becomes more surreal. Trump’s aides look at each other, unsure whether they should celebrate this bold new direction or send him back to the teleprompter.)

"So, folks, we’re going to make illegal immigrants the greatest thing ever! And you know what? We’re going to be so proud of them, people are going to say, ‘How did we live without them?’ It’s going to be tremendous, believe me!"

(As the rally winds down, the crowd continues chanting “MIIA!” Trump’s campaign team begins planning for a new wave of "MIIA" branded merchandise and VIP passes, while no one quite knows how this will play out.)

Make Insignificant Nobodies Great Again by ChatGPT

Trump at a Rally:

"Alright, folks, listen up, because I’ve got something big—no, HUGE—to announce. People are saying, 'Sir, you’ve done so much for the country, you’ve made America great.' And I say, 'Yeah, I’ve done that. But now, we’re going to do something bigger, something nobody saw coming.' I’m talking about making insignificant nobodies great again. MINSNGA!"

(The crowd stares in confusion. Someone in the back whispers, "What’s a MIN-S-N-G-A?" The rest just cheer to blend in.)

"That’s right! We’ve spent too long focusing on the big shots, the celebrities, the elites. But let me tell you something—the nobodies, the people nobody talks about? They’ve been overlooked, folks! And I’m saying, why should they be? So, we’re gonna put them on the map, in the spotlight, on the biggest stage in the world! The nobodies are the future, folks!"

(He pauses dramatically as his speechwriters exchange horrified looks.)

"We’re going to make the invisible visible, folks! We’ll have a National Day of the Nobody. The calendar will have a whole month dedicated to nobody holidays. National Do-Nothing Day, where you literally do nothing—and you get awarded for it! Incredible. I’ll tell you, folks, you’ll all be getting participation trophies. Big ones, too. Only the best trophies. Maybe even gold-plated! Everyone’s a winner! Even if you don’t deserve it!"

(The crowd begins awkwardly chanting “MINSNGA! MINSNGA!” unsure of the meaning but fully committed.)

"And the fashion, folks. Oh, the fashion. We’re gonna make nobody wear the most exclusive thing—plain clothes. Just regular shirts and pants. No logos, no flash. The ‘I’m a nobody and I love it’ look. The best look. We’ll have an entire fashion week devoted to it. It’ll be called ‘Invisible Couture.’ It’ll be so exclusive, nobody can get in. They’ll all want to get in and fail. That’s how you make a nobody important."

(A small group in the crowd faint from the sheer absurdity. Trump doesn’t notice.)

"And the monuments, folks. Oh, the monuments. Forget the Lincoln Memorial, forget Washington—we’re putting up statues of nobodies. Statues of people who did nothing. The greatest statues ever. People will say, 'How did we live without these? They’re amazing!' And we’ll build them in secret, so nobody sees them coming. That’s the beauty, folks, the secret beauty of the nobody!"

(A team of interns starts drawing up plans for “The Nobody Monument,” featuring a plain, unremarkable figure staring at an empty chair.)

"And for the record, this isn’t about the fake news, okay? They love to talk about the big names—the big celebrities, the big politicians, the big people. But now we’re turning the tables, folks. It’s time for the smallest of the small to take their rightful place! We’re going to give everybody—and I mean everybody—a seat at the table. Even if you’re literally nobody. Believe me, folks, it’s gonna be huge!"

(At the end of the rally, Trump’s campaign staff scrambles to figure out if anyone is actually voting for this, while the crowd, now convinced they’ve attended the most important event of the century, continues chanting “MINSNGA!” into the night.)

Make Trump Voters Great Again by ChatGPT

Trump at a Rally:

"Alright, folks, we’ve had enough of the fake news, okay? We’ve had enough of the so-called elites and their fancy words. And you know who I’m talking about—those other people, the ones who’ve been trying to tear us down. Well, guess what? I’m here to make you great again. That’s right, I’m here to make Trump voters great again! MTVGA!"

(The crowd roars with applause, mostly because they’re still trying to figure out what "MTVGA" stands for, but it sounds patriotic.)

"That’s right, folks! We’re going to take you, the forgotten, the misunderstood, the incredible Trump voter—and we’re going to make you the biggest thing ever! You’ve been the silent majority for too long. Well, guess what? The silence ends today! We’re going to shout your greatness from the rooftops, and we’re going to make America notice—big time!"

(A few confused bystanders look at each other, wondering if the rally is going to turn into a musical.)

"We’re going to start with something huge—Trump Voter Appreciation Day. That’s right! A national holiday just for you! It’ll be the biggest day of the year. We’ll have parades, fireworks, and so many hot dogs you won’t believe it. Tens of thousands of hot dogs! And I’m talking the good hot dogs, folks. None of that fancy organic stuff. Just classic American dogs, the way they were meant to be! Your kind of hot dogs!"

(An aide holds up a hot dog, not sure whether to throw it in the air or eat it.)

"And folks, the best part? Everyone who voted for me—yes, everyone—will get a golden Trump Voter Card. You’ll show it, and you’ll get VIP treatment everywhere. No lines at the airport. No waiting at the grocery store. No waiting for ANYTHING! You walk in, you get your stuff, and you leave. That’s how it’s going to be. Tremendous benefits for Trump voters. I’m telling you."

(A large portion of the crowd begins arguing about how to use the cards, one person suggesting they should be used as a pass to skip work.)

"We’re also going to give you something special. Special, folks. Every Trump voter gets a free trip to a Trump property—yes, a Trump property! It’s going to be the best vacation. We’re talking golf courses, spas, resorts. So many spas. Some people will never want to leave, but guess what? They won’t have to! We’re gonna build new Trump properties just for you, folks. Just for YOU!"

(A man in a MAGA hat stands up, shouting "I’m gonna move into Trump Tower, it’s my destiny!")

"And the hats, folks, let me tell you—the hats are getting better. We’re making them bigger, more glorious. Hats that’ll put you on the map. People will see you, and they’ll say, 'Wow, that’s a person who voted for Trump!' You’ll have more power, more status, and let’s be honest—more style than anyone else in the room. These hats are gonna be fantastic. You won’t believe how good they are. Believe me."

(The crowd goes wild, mostly because they were already chanting “MTVGA!” but now they feel even more special.)

"So, my fellow Trump voters, let’s make you great again! Let’s do it for America. Let’s do it for the future. And let’s make sure that every Trump voter, everywhere, knows just how great they are!"

(The rally ends in a cloud of confetti and Trump-branded merchandise being tossed into the air, with every attendee proudly clutching their new “Trump Voter” gold cards, already planning their free spa vacations.)

Make Trump Great Again by ChatGPT

Trump at a Rally:

"Folks, let me tell you something. People are saying—many people, the best people—they’re saying, 'Sir, you’re great.' And I agree. I’m great. But you know what? I could be greater. Much greater. I’m talking off-the-charts great. That’s why today, I’m launching a brand-new campaign: Make Trump Great Again! MTGA!"

(The crowd, initially puzzled, starts chanting “MTGA! MTGA!” because they don’t want to appear unpatriotic.)

Trump nods, arms wide:

"That’s right! And we’re gonna make Trump so great, folks, it’s gonna blow your minds. First off, I’m introducing the Trump Greatness Index. It’s gonna be the official measure of how great I am. It’ll have metrics like rally crowd size, number of handshakes crushed, and—get this—how many eagles land on my shoulder during speeches. Tremendous index, folks. Totally scientific. Everyone will use it!"

(A poorly CGI’d eagle awkwardly flaps onto a screen behind him, and the crowd goes wild.)

"And listen, I’m not just stopping there. You know Mount Rushmore? It’s nice. But let’s be honest, those guys are overrated. I’m announcing Mount Trumpmore! An entire mountain carved with just my face. One mountain isn’t enough for all this greatness, folks, so we’ll use three. One face for each side. You’ll see me smiling, serious, and doing the pointy thing I do at rallies."

(He demonstrates his signature finger-point, and the crowd roars.)

"And to really Make Trump Great Again, we need a global strategy. I’m officially changing the name of the planet to Planet Trump. It’s better branding! Earth is boring. Trump is exciting. And don’t worry, we’ll update all the maps. Kids will learn about Planet Trump in schools. Beautiful schools, by the way, which I’ll also name after me. Every school will be Trump Academy for Greatness—no boring classes, just tremendous winning!"

(Aides are frantically signalling to cut his mic, but he barrels on.)

"And hats—oh, folks, you’re gonna love this. The MTGA hats will be three feet tall. THREE FEET. Why? Because bigger is better! These hats will tower over the fake news media. And get this—they’ll come with built-in WiFi so you can stream my speeches straight from the hat! Genius, right? Nobody’s ever done that before!"

(The crowd, overwhelmed by the sheer audacity, starts tossing money onto the stage. Trump grins, picking up a dollar bill and holding it aloft.)

"Look at this! The new Trump dollar. Coming soon. It’s me, folks. It’s me on the money! Forget Lincoln. Forget Washington. They were fine. But Trump? Trump is MONEY. MTGA! MTGA!"

(The rally ends with a confetti cannon malfunction, showering the crowd with Trump-branded coupons for steaks, hats, and statues.)

Make MAGA Great Again by ChatGPT

Trump at a Rally:

"Folks, we all love MAGA, right? It’s historic. Historic like nobody’s ever seen. But here’s the thing: even the best brands need a refresh. Coca-Cola did it. McDonald’s did it. Even the Bible has a sequel—it's called the New Testament. So now, we’re gonna Make MAGA Great Again! MMGA! It’s gonna be huge! And you know what the difference is? This time, it’s MAGA… but on steroids. Tremendous steroids. The best steroids. Legal ones, obviously—probably. But big ones!"

(The crowd, half cheering, half confused, chants, "MMGA! MMGA!")

Trump leans in conspiratorially:

"And folks, let me tell you, this isn’t just any reboot. It’s gonna have new features. MAGA 2.0 will come with deluxe patriotism. Deluxe! I’m talking eagles that cry real tears, flags that wave themselves! We’re even thinking of adding a space MAGA division. MAGA in space, folks—imagine that. Martians wearing MAGA hats, chanting 'Earth first!' It’s beautiful."

(A man in the crowd, wearing a bedazzled MAGA cape, bursts into tears.)

Trump gestures grandly:

"And the hats—oh, the hats! Red was good, but now we’re going for GOLD. Solid gold hats! Maybe too heavy? We’ll do gold-plated! Lightweight, luxurious, the hats will scream 'winner'! And the slogans? We’ll make them longer. 'Make America Great Again and Again and Also Pretty Awesome!' More words, more winning. Nobody will do slogans better than us, believe me!"

(His campaign manager whispers frantically, but Trump waves him off.)

"And look, I know what the fake news is gonna say. They’ll say, 'Trump admits MAGA wasn’t great!' WRONG. Fake news. MAGA has always been great. But now we’re making it even greater, which is what I’ve always said from day one. You can look it up!"

(Post-rally, analysts wonder whether MMGA is a stroke of genius, a sign of desperation, or just Trump improvising while thinking about hats.)

"Make Reality TV Great Again" (suggested and written) by ChatGPT

Trump (stepping up to the podium, smiling broadly):

"Thank you, thank you! What a crowd, folks. You’re amazing. You know, I’ve been talking to a lot of people, and they tell me, 'Trump, we need something big—something huge—to bring back reality TV.' And let me tell you something, folks, I’ve got the best idea. It’s going to be tremendous. We’re going to make reality TV great again. And it’s going to be bigger than anything you’ve ever seen!"

[The crowd starts murmuring, excited, waiting for the big reveal.]

Trump (leaning into the mic, voice lowered dramatically):

"It’s called ‘Survivor: Oval Office,’ folks. That’s right. Contestants are going to live right there in the White House, and guess what? The goal is to not get fired. No one wants to get fired, folks. Trust me, it’s a tough gig. But only the best can survive in the Oval Office."

[The crowd bursts into laughter, some shaking their heads, others applauding. Trump smiles as if he just made the greatest announcement in history.]

Trump (pointing to the crowd):

"Here’s how it works. You put 10 contestants in the White House—cabinet members, secretaries, advisors, maybe a couple of celebrities—and they have to outwit, outlast, and outplay to stay in the job. You think it’s easy? You think being president’s a walk in the park? Let me tell you, it’s hard, folks. Really hard. But I’m the guy who knows how to keep people around. Look at me, I’ve had the best staff, folks. I never fired anyone, except when I had to, of course.”

[The crowd laughs; a few "TRUMP FOR LIFE" signs are waved in the air.]

Trump (gesturing grandly):

"Every week, there’ll be a new challenge. Maybe it’s balancing the budget, maybe it’s dealing with a crisis—maybe it’s a big international meeting. They’ll have to compete in real tasks. No fake stuff. We’re talking about the real deal, folks. And if they mess up, if they fail, they’ll be sent packing—just like the best reality shows!"

[The crowd erupts into applause, some chanting “SEND ‘EM HOME! SEND ‘EM HOME!”]

Trump (pointing to a man in the crowd with a “SURVIVOR: OVAL OFFICE” t-shirt):

"That’s right, folks! That guy’s got the right idea. You fail? You’re out. Gone. And it’s going to be live, folks. Live! Every week, we’ll be watching as people fight for their jobs. Will they survive the pressure? Will they make the tough decisions? Who knows? Only time will tell.”

[Someone in the front row yells, “Can we vote ‘em off?” Trump looks over and nods.]

Trump (winking):

"Oh, absolutely. You can vote 'em off. We’re making it a reality show, folks. America’s reality show. You’ll be able to call in. It’ll be the best, folks. The biggest voting system. And the winner? Well, they get to stay in the White House, folks. They get to keep their job. They get to survive!”

[The crowd laughs, someone shouts, “Make America Survive Again!”]

Trump (pointing dramatically to the screen behind him):

"Here’s the promo, folks. Look at that. Survivor: Oval Office—coming soon to your TV screens. Watch as contestants try to avoid scandals, public meltdowns, and maybe even a surprise visit from the FBI. Will they keep their job, or will they get fired? It's the most suspenseful game show you’ll ever see, folks. More exciting than a debate, more shocking than a State of the Union!"

[The crowd is losing it, some are rolling with laughter, others are clapping along to a tune playing in the background, which sounds suspiciously like the Survivor theme song.]

Trump (nodding in approval):

"And here’s the best part, folks. I’m the host. I’m the host. No one does hosting like Trump. Tremendous hosting. They’re gonna want to stay in my White House, folks. It’s gonna be the best White House you’ve ever seen. I’ll give them the toughest challenges—big decisions, big risks. You don’t want to be the first to go, trust me."

[A banner drops behind Trump that says “SURVIVOR: OVAL OFFICE—COMING SOON!” The crowd cheers wildly, some chanting “TRUMP FOR LIFE!”]

Trump (pumping his fist):

"It’s going to be huge, folks. The best. And you know who’s going to be the winner? America. That’s right, America wins. We make this country great again, and we do it with reality TV. Thank you, everybody! See you on the show! Survivor: Oval Office—coming soon!"

[The crowd goes wild, chanting “TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!” as Trump waves and walks offstage, Elon Musk giving him a thumbs up from the side, and a group of people dressed as White House staffers run onto the stage pretending to play out a "Survivor" challenge.]

“Make Passwords Great Again" (suggested and written) by ChatGPT

Scene: The rally takes place in a massive convention centre. On stage, a giant screen displays “Make Passwords Great Again!” in golden letters. In the crowd, people wave foam fingers with passwords like “TRUMP2025” and “1234,” while vendors sell USB drives shaped like little Donald Trumps.

Trump strides to the podium, grinning.

Trump:

"Thank you, thank you! What a crowd. Beautiful people, the best people. You know, passwords used to be great. Strong. Tremendous. But now? What do we get? Uppercase, lowercase, numbers, symbols—it’s a disaster! Nobody remembers them, folks. I mean, have you ever tried to type ‘ExclamationPointDollarSignFifty?’ Who came up with that? A Democrat, probably."

(Laughter and cheers. A man in the crowd yells, “Lock her up... in password jail!”)

Trump:

"That’s why, starting today, we’re fixing this mess. No more confusing nonsense. Every password in America will now be one word: Trump2025. Easy to remember, folks, because it’s the year I saved this country again! And it’s strong. So strong. I asked the FBI, ‘Is this the strongest password?’ They said, ‘Sir, it’s unhackable.’ Believe me."

(The screen behind him shows a CGI eagle typing “Trump2025” with its talons. The crowd roars in approval.)

Trump:

"Now, the fake news will say, ‘Oh, Mr. Trump, one password for everyone isn’t secure.’ Wrong! You know what’s not secure? Passwords like ‘password123.’ That’s a Biden password, folks. Sad. Weak. He probably writes it on a sticky note and forgets where he put it."

(The crowd boos loudly. Someone shreds a sticky note that says "Hunter's Laptop.")

Trump:

"And let me tell you something: China hates this password. Russia hates this password. North Korea? They called me and said, ‘Mr. Trump, we can’t hack it. It’s too good!’ Tremendous respect. Tremendous!"

(A group of hackers in the crowd holds up signs saying, “Trump Crashed My Servers!”)

Trump:

"But we’re not stopping there. Oh no. We’re going to outlaw those little CAPTCHA tests. You know the ones? ‘Click on all the traffic lights.’ Folks, I can’t stand those! I failed one last week—it said I missed a bicycle! There was no bicycle!"

(A woman in the front row screams, “They’re rigged!” and faints dramatically. EMTs hand her smelling salts shaped like tiny laptops.)

Trump:

"Instead, we’re bringing back good old-fashioned security questions. But not boring ones, like ‘What’s your mother’s maiden name?’ No. My security question will be: Who’s the greatest president of all time? And the answer? Trump. If you get it wrong, you’re probably Antifa!"

(The crowd chants, “Antifa can’t log in!” as red, white, and blue confetti rains down.)

Trump:

"And folks, because I care about this country, I’m offering my password plan for free. That’s right—free! Unless you’re California. They’re going to pay for it, folks. Tremendous deal!"

(The screen changes to show the words “California Pays Double” in bold, glittering letters. The crowd erupts in cheers.)

Trump:

"So let’s make passwords great again! Let’s make security simple! And let’s all log in to a tremendous future together. Thank you, and God bless Trump2025!"

(The rally ends with the Rolling Stones’ Start Me Up blaring as Trump throws golden USB drives into the crowd. A man dressed as a CAPTCHA test mascot is tackled by security as he tries to sneak on stage.)

End scene.

"Make Conspiracy Theories Great Again" by ChatGPT

"Make Conspiracy Theories Great Again"

Scene: Donald Trump is hosting a rally in Roswell, New Mexico—the hotspot for conspiracy theorists. The stage is set against a massive backdrop of UFO imagery and cryptic Illuminati symbols. The presidential seal has been modified to feature an alien head where the eagle should be. The audience is a mix of MAGA hat wearers, people in tinfoil hats, and individuals dressed as Bigfoot holding signs like "JFK Jr. Lives" and "Area 51 Employee of the Month."

---

Trump:

"Well, well, Roswell! You’ve outdone yourselves! Incredible crowd. The best crowd, actually. Some say it’s the biggest crowd ever assembled for UFO disclosure. Huge! And let me tell you, folks, this is the kind of energy we need to make conspiracy theories great again!"

(The crowd roars. A woman holding a “Moon Landing Was CGI” sign faints. EMTs rush to revive her but mysteriously vanish mid-rescue. The crowd gasps.)

Trump:

"Now, some people—very bad people—say conspiracy theories are for kooks. They call us crazy. But who’s crazy now? I’m your president, aren’t I? And guess what? I’m declassifying everything! That’s right—Area 51, the truth about Atlantis, and yes, folks, the recipe for Coca-Cola."

(The crowd erupts. A man in a NASA “Never A Straight Answer” shirt sobs openly, holding his child close.)

Trump:

"And you know what? The aliens? They love me. They love me, folks. I met with them last week—beautiful, tall beings, shiny foreheads, big eyes. You wouldn’t believe how much they respect me. They said, ‘Mr. President, you’re the first Earth leader we can trust.’ And I said, ‘You’re welcome. But you’ve got to help us out. Give us your secret alien tech.’ They’re sending it. It’s coming soon—very soon!"

(The crowd chants, “UFOs! UFOs!” while someone launches a drone shaped like a flying saucer into the air.)

Trump:

"And let’s talk about the pyramids, okay? Everyone’s always asking me, ‘Donald, how did they build the pyramids?’ Was it aliens? Was it giants? Was it Ben Carson on one of his good days? The answer, folks, is yes. All of the above. They were working together. A fantastic collaboration, like The Apprentice but with more obelisks. And under my administration, we’re going to rebuild the pyramids—bigger, shinier, and with a Trump Tower on top!"

(A roar of approval. Someone in the crowd screams, “Finally!” and throws a stone tablet onto the stage.)

Trump:

"You know, people used to say, ‘Donald, the moon landing wasn’t fake!’ But now? Now they’re saying, ‘Donald, if it was fake, it was the best fake ever.’ And I tell them, you’re welcome. And you know what? We’re going to land on the real moon this time. Not the boring one they filmed in Hollywood. The one the deep state doesn’t want you to know about. The golden moon, folks. Tremendous opportunities there—mining, golf courses, maybe even a Trump Moon Resort. Melania loves the idea."

(The crowd begins chanting, “Trump on the moon! Trump on the moon!” while someone holds up a poster of Trump planting a flag on a glowing, cheese-like moon.)

Trump:

"Now, let me tell you about the hollow Earth. Oh, it’s real. I’ve seen it. Took the elevator straight down—beautiful place. Green skies, underground oceans, dinosaurs, and they have a McDonald’s there that still uses the original recipe fries. Not like the ones they give us up here—fake fries! And they’ve got amazing people down there—huge supporters of Trump. Tremendous subterranean turnout in 2024."

(The audience gasps in awe. A group of men in camouflage scream, “Release the kraken!” while holding up a papier-mâché squid.)

Trump:

"And we can’t forget, folks, the most important conspiracy of all—me. They’ve been saying, ‘Trump’s not human.’ Some are saying I’m a reptilian. Some are saying I’m an AI. And you know what? I let them think that. It keeps them guessing. Keeps the media on their toes. Am I a lizard person? Am I an android? You’ll never know. But believe me, whatever I am, I’m the best at it."

(The crowd cheers wildly. A child in the front row holds up a hand-drawn picture of Trump as a cyborg-lizard hybrid.)

Trump:

"So, folks, here’s the plan: we’re going to make conspiracy theories mainstream. I’ve already appointed Alex Jones as the Secretary of Truth. Great guy, great energy. He’s out there fact-checking the lies, like, ‘Where’s the evidence Bigfoot isn’t real?’ There isn’t any! And we’re bringing back the classics. Bermuda Triangle tours, Loch Ness monster expeditions, and—get ready for this—we’re going to storm Area 52. That’s right, the secret Area 51 they don’t want you to know about!"

(A man dressed as Elvis Presley yells, “I knew it!” and moonwalks into the crowd. The audience loses its collective mind, chanting, “Storm Area 52!”)

Trump:

"Together, we’re going to make conspiracy theories great again! The aliens are with us. The giants are with us. And soon, the whole hollow Earth will be voting Trump in 2028. Believe me, folks, it’s going to be out of this world! Thank you, Roswell! Thank you!"

(Trump raises his arms triumphantly as fireworks shaped like UFOs explode overhead. The X-Files theme blares through the speakers as the crowd begins chanting, “Hollow Earth 2028!”)

End scene.

---

New Scene: This time the rally is in a stadium shaped like a giant tinfoil hat. The crowd is wild—people are waving flags that read "Flat Earth Forever!" and "Birds Aren’t Real!" Vendors are selling alien-shaped cotton candy and Bigfoot plushies wearing MAGA hats.

Trump:

"Wow, look at this crowd. Tremendous! I see you, Flat Earth Dave—you’ve been saying the Earth is flat for years, and I agree. Look at maps—they’re flat. Ever seen a round map? No. Case closed!"

(The crowd erupts. A man with a "NASA = Lies" tattoo screams, “I knew it!” and hurls a globe onto the stage. Trump kicks it like a football. The crowd goes berserk.)

Trump:

"And let’s talk about the birds. Have you heard this one? People are saying—and these are smart people, the best people—that birds are fake. That’s right, folks, they’re drones. Surveillance drones. I mean, have you ever seen a bird charging? No chargers, no wires—something’s fishy!"

(A woman holding a pet parrot whispers, “You’re a spy, aren’t you?” and tosses it into the air. The parrot shouts “Fake news!” and flies away.)

Trump:

"And now, my favourite conspiracy, folks: time travel. Did you know I invented it? That’s how I knew I was going to win in 2024. I went to the future, I saw the ballots—they were all for me. Even the ones from Mars. Incredible people, the Martians. They love me! And they told me, ‘Mr. Trump, you’re the first president to bring McDonald’s to our planet.’ Tremendous deal!"

(The crowd chants, “Martians love McNuggets!” while someone in the back starts grilling burgers on a makeshift UFO-shaped barbecue.)

Trump:

"And people ask me, ‘Donald, what’s next?’ Well, let me tell you: pyramids. We’re building a pyramid right here in Roswell. It’s going to be the biggest, most luxurious pyramid ever. Gold-plated, with an escalator straight to the top. And at the bottom? A casino. Pharaoh Trump, they’ll call me. And you know what? The ancient aliens would’ve loved it."

(A group of men dressed as mummies high-five each other, chanting, “Pharaoh Trump! Pharaoh Trump!” Meanwhile, a UFO drone swoops overhead, dropping MAGA bumper stickers.)

Trump:

"And the deep state—they don’t want you to know about Atlantis. But guess what? I’ve been there. Gorgeous place. Huge underwater resorts. And the mermaids? Total babes. One of them said to me, ‘Mr. Trump, you have the best gills I’ve ever seen.’ And I said, ‘Thank you. Tremendous compliment.’ Folks, we’re annexing Atlantis next year. It’ll be the 51st state. Believe me!"

(The crowd goes wild. Someone in the front row inflates a kiddie pool and starts splashing around, yelling, “Take me with you!”)

Trump:

"And here’s the big one—why do they call it the White House? You ever think about that? I’m starting an investigation. Could it be... Illuminati? Could it be... aliens? Or maybe—Biden! We’re going to find out. I’m ordering Melania to repaint it gold, just to be safe."

(The crowd chants, “Gold House! Gold House!” while a man dressed as a Freemason faints dramatically.)

Trump:

"So, my friends, get ready. We’re making conspiracy theories great again! Whether you believe in lizard people, the moon being a hologram, or that JFK Jr. is my new VP—wait, did I just spoil it? Oops! Anyway, you’re all the best. And together, we’re going to expose the truth. Thank you, Roswell!"

(Trump tosses tinfoil hats into the crowd like a rock star throwing drumsticks. Fireworks shaped like Bigfoot light up the sky as the X-Files theme plays. The rally ends with Trump posing for photos with someone dressed as Elvis holding a miniature UFO.)

End scene.

"Make Humility Great Again" by ChatGPT

Donald Trump’s "Make Humility Great Again" Rally

Scene: The arena is filled with a crowd that looks slightly puzzled yet hopeful. The banner behind the podium reads Make Humility Great Again. There’s an overwhelming sense of unprecedented expectations in the air. Trump strides to the stage, his hair as perfectly combed as ever, his suit gleaming with arrogance disguised as humility. He steps up to the mic with an aura of modesty only he can pull off.

---

Trump:

"Thank you, thank you, everybody. It’s so great to be here—really, it’s great. They say I’m the humblest guy they know. The best at humility, folks. People tell me all the time, ‘Donald, you’ve got the greatest humility.’ They tell me I have a humility that’s out of this world. Well, I’m here to tell you, we’re going to make humility great again!"

(The crowd claps, though some look suspicious. A philosopher in the front row frowns, muttering about the paradox of humility being publicly declared.)

Trump:

"Let me tell you, folks, humility is what’s missing. Used to be, you’d meet a humble guy, and you’d think, ‘Wow, that’s a guy who knows how to lead without showing off.’ Now? Now we’ve got these people who are too humble. So humble, in fact, they don’t even tell you how great they are. That’s the problem. You’ve got to let people know your humility is the best. You’ve got to tell them. So, that’s what we’re going to do—let everyone know we’re humble."

(The crowd looks confused but applauds anyway. A modest monk in the back shakes his head in disbelief.)

Trump:

"Now, I’m not saying I’m the most humble guy—I’ll tell you, I’m very humble, but there are some others. Maybe. But I’ve got the best humility. Everybody says so. My humility is incredible. Believe me. They say the best humble people are the ones who don’t tell you they’re humble, but I tell you—I’ve got to tell you. It’s important. People will tell you, ‘Donald, you’ve got the humility that makes others humble.’"

(Some in the crowd nod, others exchange awkward glances. A few clapping skeptics whisper, “Doesn’t humility require, like, not talking about it?”)

Trump:

"You know what we’re going to do? We’re going to bring back the humility of the greatest leaders. Like Lincoln. What a humble guy. But did he go around saying, ‘I’m humble’? No, but he was! And let me tell you, folks, I’m even humble-er than Lincoln. People say so. They say, ‘Donald, you’ve got the best humility since Lincoln!’ And they’re right."

(The crowd starts clapping harder, though some start murmuring in disbelief. A couple of cynics mumble, “Isn't humility the opposite of bragging?”)

Trump:

"And let me tell you, folks, humility isn’t just about being quiet. It’s about giving credit to the people who helped you. You know, like the really smart people who help me with things like the best speeches, the best policies, and yes, the best humility. Believe me, I have some of the smartest and most humble people working for me—people who know what humility really means."

(The crowd cheers. A lone philosopher in the back sighs deeply. A speaker from the previous century shakes their head, realizing that their definitions of humility are slowly becoming irrelevant.)

Trump:

"Now, I know what you’re thinking—‘Donald, how can we ever really know if we’re humble?’ Well, let me tell you, folks, it’s simple. You’ll know. People will tell you. They’ll say, ‘Wow, you’re so humble.’ And you know what? They’ll be right. Because when you’re as humble as me, you don’t have to tell them—they already know!"

(The crowd erupts into applause. The philosophers start discussing in hushed tones about whether humility can be considered humble if it’s publicly praised. A couple of existentialists question their entire worldview.)

Trump:

"So, we’re going to do it, folks. We’re going to bring back humility. We’re going to show the world that humility isn’t about sitting in the corner, quietly, hoping someone notices. No, we’re going to let the world know that we’ve got humility, and it’s the best humility. We’re going to make humility great again by making sure everyone knows how humble we are. Believe me, folks, it’s going to be huge."

(The crowd goes wild with applause. The modest monk in the back shakes his head so hard that his glasses nearly fall off. A few of the younger philosophers start Googling “humility” to make sense of it all.)

Trump:

"Thank you, thank you, everybody. We’re going to do it! Humility is coming back. Bigger, better, and more humble than ever. Thank you!”

(As Trump waves and exits the stage, “Eye of the Tiger” plays in the background, with the crowd still cheering. A few philosophers are left scratching their heads, wondering if they’ve just witnessed the paradox of humility in action.)

End scene.