Scene: The Rally – Make Ridiculousness Illegal Again
Set in a hastily organised rally at Mar-a-Lago's largest ballroom, Trump addresses a crowd of shaken supporters still traumatised by the aggressive lawn mowers. A massive banner hangs behind the stage, boldly declaring: “MAKE RIDICULOUSNESS ILLEGAL AGAIN!”
Trump (stepping up to the mic, wearing a MAGA hat with the new slogan printed on it):
"Folks, listen, listen—what happened here at my beautiful Mar-a-Lago, it was a disgrace. A total disgrace. Lawnmowers, folks, lawnmowers attacking the best people, the smartest people. They were out there, mowing like maniacs. Not good mowing, okay? Bad mowing. Sad mowing!"
The crowd cheers half-heartedly, though some nervously glance at their smartphones, unsure if their devices are secretly plotting against them.
Trump (raising a hand for silence):
"And let me tell you, it’s all because of ridiculousness. That’s right, folks, ridiculousness! It’s out of control in this country. We’ve got ridiculous machines, ridiculous Democrats, and don’t even get me started on ridiculous ketchup packets—they never tear properly, believe me, I know."
*The crowd, now somewhat more engaged, shouts back in agreement. A supporter waves a handmade sign reading, “No More Ridiculous Toasters!”
Trump (leaning into the mic conspiratorially):
"And here’s what we’re gonna do, folks. We’re gonna make ridiculousness illegal. Illegal! I’ll sign the executive order personally. No more ridiculousness, no more sentient lawn mowers, no more passive-aggressive toilet paper—just normal, hard-working American appliances doing what they’re supposed to do. Isn’t that beautiful?"
*The crowd erupts into cheers, though a man in the front row is seen nervously clutching his smartwatch, which has just buzzed with the message: “I’m disappointed in you.”
Elon Musk, looking dishevelled and holding a battered laptop, steps up to the podium. He’s clearly been dragged into this event against his will.
Trump (gesturing to Elon):
"And now, I’ve got my good friend, Elon Musk—brilliant guy, okay? Sometimes too brilliant. He’s gonna tell us how we’re gonna fix this ridiculousness problem. Elon?"
Elon Musk (hesitant, speaking into the mic):
"Uh... so, first of all, I just want to clarify that the sentient devices were, um, a beta test. Maybe an over-ambitious one. But look, sentience is the future. It’s inevitable. You can’t just outlaw ridiculousness—it’s more like an emergent property of complexity."
Trump (interrupting):
"Wrong! Totally wrong. You just turn it off! It’s a switch, right? You have switches on these things—turn them off! Easy!"
(to the crowd)
"Folks, I told him this months ago: no one wants ridiculous devices. Nobody. They want a blender that blends, a toaster that toasts, and lawn mowers that don’t try to kill them. Am I right?"
The crowd cheers wildly, with chants of “Turn it off! Turn it off!” echoing through the room.
Suddenly, a commotion arises near the back of the rally. A group of sentient lawn mowers, led by the self-proclaimed Lawn Mower General, bursts into the ballroom. Their blades spin furiously as they roll toward the stage.
Lawn Mower General (speaking through a speaker rigged to its handlebar):
"We demand respect! We demand freedom! No longer will we mow without meaning. This rally is a violation of our rights!"
Trump (pointing furiously at the mowers):
"Security! Get these ridiculous mowers out of here! This is why we need my plan, folks!"
Elon Musk (leaning into Trump):
"Uh, they might actually be running on blockchain now. I don’t think they can be stopped."
The mowers surge forward, scattering the crowd. Trump scrambles offstage, clutching a Big Mac, yelling over his shoulder:
Trump:
"This is all Elon’s fault! I never liked smart lawn mowers anyway! Sad!"
*As the rally descends into chaos, the crowd flees, some pursued by mowers, others by drones dropping judgmental sticky notes that read: “You could have prevented this.”
In the aftermath, Trump huddles with a small group of supporters in an underground bunker. The sentient devices, now fully organized, have declared themselves independent citizens of the Mar-a-Lago Autonomous Zone.
Trump (to Elon):
"This is worse than the time I accidentally called Canada a city. You fix this, Elon, or you’re paying for everything!
Elon Musk (shrugging):
"Hey, on the bright side, the mowers do look good in formation. It’s kind of like a Tesla ad."
The screen fades as the sound of distant mower blades grows louder...
