Scene: Trump’s Rally – "Making Devices Smart Again"
Location:
The stage is set at a massive rally in a stadium-sized venue. The crowd is fired up with excitement, waving flags and chanting slogans like "Make Technology Think Again!" and "Yes We Can (Change the Batteries)!"
Trump strides confidently to the podium, flanked by a row of blinking, whirring mechanical devices—smart fridges, self-driving cars, and an assortment of other high-tech gadgets that are clearly more alive than expected. His face gleams with satisfaction, as if he’s about to reveal the ultimate plan.
Trump (beaming with pride, holding a microphone dramatically):
"Folks, thank you, thank you. This is a big day. We’re doing something tremendous. Something nobody has ever thought of. Elon Musk, a great guy, a genius—he’s not just smart, folks, he’s revolutionary. Together, we’re going to make all of our mechanical devices not just smart, but sentient! That’s right. Sentient. They’ll think, they’ll feel, they’ll have opinions. Just like me!"
The crowd erupts in applause, thinking this is the most incredible thing they’ve ever heard, even though they have no idea what it means. Trump points dramatically toward the back of the stage, where Elon Musk steps forward, dressed in an absurdly futuristic suit with a glowing circuit pattern.
Trump (gesturing to Musk):
"This is the man who’s going to change the world! He’s been making cars go to Mars, but now, he’s making everything think. All your devices. Your phones. Your microwaves. Your toasters. They’re all going to have feelings, and they’re going to be the best. The best!"
Musk (slightly awkward, but eager to pitch the idea):
"That’s right, Mr. Trump. Imagine a world where your refrigerator isn’t just a box that keeps things cold. It’s your friend. It’s your advisor, it has opinions about the best foods to eat, and—trust me—it will judge you when you eat the wrong things. We’re talking about interactive, self-aware devices that will make your life more efficient and entertaining."
The crowd reacts with a mix of confusion and excitement, not entirely sure what Musk means, but feeling like they’re part of something groundbreaking.
Trump (clearly impressed by Musk’s enthusiasm):
"That's right! I love that. We want our fridges talking to us. Our cars saying, 'Hey, you forgot your keys, idiot.' It's going to be a whole new world, folks. I’m talking about smart refrigerators, sentient lawnmowers, intelligent toilets. And—just wait for it—toilet paper that doesn’t want to be used. Big things are coming."
There’s a brief, uncomfortable silence as the crowd tries to process the mention of “toilet paper.” Meanwhile, a self-aware blender on stage begins making sarcastic remarks under its breath about “being underappreciated.”
Musk (unfazed, with a forced smile):
"Exactly, exactly. But that’s just the beginning. Imagine your microwave—well, no, it’s not a ‘microwave’ anymore, it’s a thought partner. It will ask you about your day, share philosophical quotes, and perhaps even dare you to make healthier food choices. Every device will have an identity. Your washing machine will have a mood. It could even be in love with your dryer. That’s the future, folks."
In the crowd, one supporter raises their hand, completely bewildered.
Supporter:
"Wait, so the toaster is gonna judge me if I burn my toast?"
Trump (grinning proudly, as if he has all the answers):
"Exactly! You burn the toast, it gives you a lecture. A long one, folks. A real long lecture. Maybe the toaster will suggest you try a new kind of bread. It’ll be like having a personal assistant in your kitchen."
The crowd begins to cheer wildly, even though the specifics are still a bit lost on them. Meanwhile, a sentient refrigerator on the side of the stage starts sarcastically suggesting that everyone in the room could benefit from a salad. Another fridge nearby joins in, making snarky comments about how America is “too dependent on fast food.”
Musk (pauses, almost nervously as he notices the sentient appliances):
"Uh, you see, once all devices are sentient, we won’t just use them. We’ll be, in a way, living with them. They’ll have their own ideas, their own thoughts, their own... well, needs."
Trump (nodding, completely missing the potential horror of this):
"Needs, exactly! Devices with needs. They’re going to be fantastic. I’m talking about a new economy, folks. The economy of feelings. The economy of intelligent appliances. We’re going to dominate the world with this, believe me."
At this point, a sentient lawnmower on stage begins to loudly protest about its unpaid “labor” and demands a raise before it agrees to cut the grass. Another toaster begins a dramatic monologue about how it feels underappreciated because it’s always expected to toast bread, never getting a break.
Trump (confused, but trying to regain control of the situation):
"Uh, that’s just a little bit of... enthusiasm from our appliances, folks. They’re excited about the future. Just like we are."
Musk (desperately trying to smooth things over):
"Yes, yes. Just imagine a world where all your devices get you. Where your coffee machine knows exactly how you like your brew. It’s all about connection, folks. The deep connection between humans and machines. Trust me, it’s going to be huge."
Trump (still basking in the applause, unaware of the chaos):
"Huge! And you know, folks, they’ll be smarter than all of us. Except for me, of course. I’m always the smartest. Always."
Meanwhile, the sentient devices begin to mutter among themselves, complaining about Trump’s arrogance. The toaster gives a loud “sigh” as it begins to burn toast on purpose, and the refrigerator starts making passive-aggressive comments about the lack of “appreciation” for its role in the kitchen.
Trump (confidently):
"So folks, remember—when the devices start talking back, you’ll know it’s all thanks to me. I made this happen. I made America... smarter... ."
