Scene: A brightly lit church hall filled with enthusiastic born-again Christians, clapping their hands, singing gospel hymns, and basking in the joy of their faith. Suddenly, the doors burst open, and in walks a Dalek, swaying unsteadily as its eye stalk flickers erratically.
The Dalek, clearly intoxicated, struggles to process its surroundings, its systems malfunctioning from the overwhelming flood of human warmth, song, and energy. The room falls silent as it wobbles toward the front of the congregation.
Dalek (slurring loudly): "I... am... I am here... to EXTERMINATE... I mean... to celebrate! Yes... celebrate the joy of... peace... YES! PEACE!"
The crowd is taken aback, unsure whether to be frightened or confused. Some members gasp, others chuckle nervously, but most just stare in bewilderment.
Pastor (trying to maintain composure): "Uh, welcome, um... friend? Do you have a message for us today?"
Dalek (struggling to focus, glancing around): "MESSAGE... MESSAGE OF... LOVE AND EX-TER-MIN-ATE! I mean... LOVE! LOVE AND PEACE!"
The Dalek tries to raise its plunger in some kind of welcoming gesture but ends up pointing it directly at a parishioner in the front row, causing them to instinctively duck.
Dalek (mumbling to itself): "Too much... too much energy... these emotions... they confuse me... I am a machine of destruction... EXTERMINATE ALL FEELINGS!"
The congregation grows more puzzled by the second. A couple of choir members exchange uncomfortable looks, unsure if the Dalek is part of some elaborate church performance or if something has gone terribly wrong.
Dalek (now in full drunk mode, staring vacantly): "I have... I have... come to spread... the message of peace! PEACE AND... EXTERMINATE! I mean... PEACE, PEACE..."
Pastor (trying to redirect): "Well, uh, we are all about peace here, yes... and love. It’s what the Lord teaches us."
Dalek (wobbly, raising its eye stalk to eye level with the Pastor): "*The Lord... I KNOW the Lord... I... I love... I LOVE... I WILL EXTERMINATE ALL DISBELIEVERS... I mean, I... LOVE YOU ALL! Yes... LOVE... and... EX-TER-MIN-ATE THE SKEPTICS!"
A few members of the congregation start nervously laughing, and one man in the back begins to quietly sing “Amazing Grace” as a way of calming the situation.
Dalek (slurring even more): "*AMAZING GRACE! HIC... AMAZING GRACE... how sweet the sound... that saved a... saved a human like me... Oh wait... no, NO, it was EXTERMINATE... EXTERMINATE ALL THE NON-BELIEVERS! YES, I WILL... I WILL SAVE YOU ALL! ...NO! EXTERMINATE!"
Pastor (rubbing his temples): “Okay, okay, maybe you need to sit down for a moment?”
Dalek (stumbling, somehow sitting on the pew but still trying to stand tall): "I... I can’t sit... I can’t SIT! I MUST... I MUST BRING PEACE! I WILL SPREAD THE WORD OF THE... HIC... THE EX-TER-MIN-ATE PEACE!"
The whole church is now in full-on bewilderment. The Dalek sways like a disoriented party guest who’s lost its way, muttering incoherently between shouts of “EXTERMINATE!” and “PEACE!”
The Pastor, desperate to regain control, steps forward slowly.
Pastor (gently): "We believe in forgiveness, friend. You’re welcome here, just... maybe take a moment to reflect? Our faith teaches patience and understanding, even with—uh, unique individuals like yourself."
Dalek (pauses, staring at the Pastor with a confused flicker in its eye stalk): "*Forgiveness... you say? I... I am a Dalek... we do not forgive. We EXTERMINATE—but... but... maybe... I will forgive... HIC... maybe I will... forgive the humans... for... for being so... so... FEELING! UGH! This... this is so confusing!"
At this point, the Dalek is teetering, caught somewhere between the Dalek urge to destroy and an inexplicable drunken desire to be accepted. The choir begins singing another hymn, trying to drown out the Dalek’s mumblings, but it’s no use—Drunk Dalek is now a new, bizarre fixture in the congregation.
Dalek (half-heartedly joining in the song, still shouting random commands in between): "Amazing Grace... EX-TER-MIN-ATE... I ONCE WAS LOST... AND NOW I’M EXTERMINATED..."
The whole congregation, now torn between shock, laughter, and a slight sense of danger, watches in silence as the Dalek hums (in its own twisted way) through the rest of the service, oblivious to the chaos it’s causing.
A drunk Dalek in a religious setting provides a rich blend of absurdity and irony, combining its programmed instincts with the emotional and spiritual chaos of the human condition.
