Scene: Trump is at a rally, excitedly discussing his grand vision for genetically engineered Olympic athletes. He’s painting vivid pictures of what the "perfect" athletes would look like in each event.
Trump: (standing confidently at the podium, hands spread wide)
"Okay, folks, you’ve heard me talk about breeding the best, the smartest, the strongest—now, let’s talk about Olympic athletes. We’re going to breed athletes who will dominate every event. Not just win gold, but take every medal. Every one, folks. So let me tell you exactly what these athletes are going to look like."
(The crowd is on edge, ready for his big ideas. Trump gestures grandly, as if unveiling a masterpiece.)
Trump:
"First, let’s talk about the pole vault. You know that bar they jump over? It’s going to look tiny next to these athletes, believe me. We’re going to breed people with 12-foot legs. 12 feet. That's right, folks. Their legs will be longer than your whole house. No more climbing up that pole. They’ll just step over it. Who needs a pole, right? They’ll just strut down the runway and leap over the bar like it’s a curb."
(A slight murmur from the crowd as they try to picture a person with legs that long.)
Trump: (smiling proudly, imagining it)
"These guys won’t even need to bend down. They’ll just reach up, and boom—over the bar. Easy. The crowd will be like, 'Wow, how did they do that?' And I’ll tell them, 'Genetics, folks. Perfect genetics.'"
(He moves on, clearly very pleased with himself.)
Trump:
"Now, let’s talk about the long jump. You’ve seen those guys who can jump far, right? Well, imagine this: we breed athletes with legs like tree trunks. You think they’ll just jump? No, no, folks, they’ll fly. These guys will leap so far, they’ll clear the stadium. They won’t even touch the ground for a good 10 seconds, flying through the air like they’re on some kind of super-powered trampoline. The crowd won’t even know what hit them. And when they land? Perfectly, of course. Not a single scratch."
(A few nods, trying to follow along with the fantastical vision.)
Trump: (growing more animated)
"And weightlifting? Oh, it’s going to be insane. We’re talking about people with arms the size of trees. I mean, they’ll be lifting entire buildings, folks. They won’t even need to use weights. They’ll just pick up a bus like it’s a paperclip. And their muscles? Ridiculous. Big, bold, perfect muscles. The kind that could move mountains. You ever see a bodybuilder with muscles on top of muscles? Well, imagine that... times ten. They’ll look like walking boulders. And lifting? Easy. They’ll lift a thousand pounds like it’s a feather."
(The crowd seems to be starting to get the picture, unsure whether to laugh or gasp.)
Trump:
"Swimming? Don’t even get me started. You think Michael Phelps was fast? Imagine a swimmer whose body glides through the water like a torpedo. We're talking streamlined, folks. They’ll have arms so long and lean, they’ll look like swimming dolphins. And their legs? They’ll kick like propellers, moving so fast, the water behind them will boil. And when they reach the finish line? The crowd won’t even have time to blink. They’ll be done."
(A few excited murmurs from the crowd, who are now picturing a human dolphin hybrid.)
Trump:
"Now, sprinting, folks. This one’s easy. We’re going to breed sprinters with legs so powerful, they’ll be able to leap from one end of the track to the other. Boom. Gone. You won’t even see them run. You’ll hear the sonic boom before they’ve crossed the finish line. Their legs will look like springs—coiled, tight, ready to just explode forward. Fastest humans on earth? Try fastest humans in the universe, folks."
(The crowd laughs, still unsure if they should believe it.)
Trump:
"And the marathon. Oh, folks, get ready. These marathoners will be able to run forever. We’ll breed athletes whose legs don’t even get tired. They’ll run so long, the only thing that will stop them is the finish line. You won’t even see them slow down. They’ll be like... like machines, folks. A human machine that just keeps going. And when they cross that finish line? No sweat. They’ll just keep going, past the line, like they’ve run across the world. Non-stop."
(The crowd is starting to get the picture—a bit too vividly.)
Trump:
"So what do you think, huh? The best athletes the world has ever seen. No one will even come close. These athletes will be unstoppable, folks. And I’m not just talking about winning a couple of golds here and there. No, no. We’ll take home every single medal, every year. And when the other countries see these athletes, they’ll just look at them and say, 'How did they do it?' And I’ll say, 'It’s genetics, folks. Perfect genetics.'"
(Trump stands back, smiling, basking in the glory of his vision, as the crowd stares at him, unsure if he's being serious.)
Trump: (smugly, after a long pause)
"That's how you win, folks. That's how you win."
(A faint fart interrupts the moment. Trump smiles as the crowd awkwardly claps.)
