Scene: Trump is standing at a podium, holding a rally to discuss his plan to make all media “Republican again.” His supporters cheer wildly, hanging on every word, as Trump begins to speak with his usual bravado.
Trump: (grinning widely, hands on the podium)
“Alright, folks, you’re all going to love this. You know the media, right? All those fake news outlets that have been so unfair to me. I’m talking about CNN, NBC, even Fox—yes, even Fox, folks. They’ve all been letting the Democrats control the narrative. But guess what? That’s going to change. We’re going to make all media Republican again, folks. All of it. And it’s going to be huge.”
(The crowd erupts into cheers, chanting "Make Media Great Again!")
Trump: (pointing into the distance as if envisioning the future)
“We’re going to take back the airwaves, folks. You’re gonna turn on your TV, and you won’t hear about anyone but me. It’ll be all Trump, all the time, folks. Just the best stories, the best news—no more fake polls, no more lying anchors. Everything you see will be perfect. You’ll see it on your local news, on your cable news, even on those little streaming things you people use now—I don’t know how it works, but we’ll make it happen!”
(He paces a bit, getting more animated.)
Trump:
“First thing we’ll do is, we’ll just buy every media outlet. That’s right. You know how I bought up casinos? This will be way bigger. We’re talking about entire networks—CNN? Gone. NBC? Bye-bye. I’ll buy them all, and you know what’s gonna happen? They’ll all be Trump 24/7, folks. 100% Republican news. You’ll be waking up with Trump, having breakfast with Trump, going to bed with Trump. Every story, every headline will be about me.”
(The crowd claps and cheers, but Trump continues, oblivious to how ludicrous the idea sounds.)
Trump:
“And these news anchors? I’m going to bring in the best—the most loyal, folks. They won’t question me. They won’t ask hard questions. They’ll be just saying the right thing. You’ll watch your news and think, ‘This is exactly what I want to hear!’ They’ll be giving you the Trump story, 100% of the time. No interruptions, no nonsense. Just facts, folks. My facts.”
(He pauses, as if realizing something truly profound, then continues with a smug grin.)
Trump:
"Now, let’s talk about the weather, alright? Right now, they tell you about the rain, the snow, the clouds—they don’t even make it fun! They’re all, ‘Oh, it’s going to rain.’ Well, guess what, folks? In the new, Republican media, every storm is going to be huge. We’ll call them ‘Trump storms,’ and they’ll be the biggest, the most amazing storms you’ve ever seen. When it rains, it’ll rain Trump. When it snows, it’ll be a Trump blizzard. And you’ll all be like, ‘That’s the greatest snowstorm in the history of snowstorms!’"
(The crowd is laughing and clapping, some unsure where this is going but enjoying the spectacle.)
Trump:
“We’ll even have our own version of sports coverage. Forget the Super Bowl, forget the World Series. We’ll have the Trump Cup, folks. The greatest sports event in the history of the world. Every player will be wearing Trump gear. No more kneeling, no more protests. It’ll be all about winning, all about America. Every team will be the best. And guess what? I’ll be the commissioner. Best commissioner. Ever. Believe me."
(A cheer erupts from the crowd.)
Trump: (leaning forward, almost conspiratorially)
“Now, let’s talk about the internet. We’re going to take over the whole thing. Social media? All Trump. You won’t be able to log in to anything without seeing me. Instagram? Trump. Twitter? Trump. Facebook? Trump, folks, all Trump. You won’t even have to leave your couch. Just scroll through and it’ll be Trump, Trump, Trump. And guess what? It’ll be perfect. No more ‘disinformation.’ Just the truth—my truth."
(He pauses dramatically.)
Trump:
"And you know what else? We’ll make sure that every time you turn on the TV, no matter the time of day, it’ll be all Trump-related programming. Cooking shows? Trump recipes. Nature documentaries? Trump animals. Even the cartoons for kids will feature Trump—maybe even a Trump animated superhero who wins every battle. It'll be the most tremendous thing you’ve ever seen."
(The crowd is applauding wildly now, some even chanting "Trump TV!")
Trump: (smiling broadly)
“That’s right, folks. We’re going to make media great again. All of it. Every story, every piece of news, every social feed will be Trump. You won’t be able to escape it. And you won’t want to, because it’ll be the best. The only news that matters."
(The crowd cheers, chanting "Trump 2025" as Trump gives a final, satisfied nod.)
Trump:
"And if anyone tries to push back? We’ll shut them down. We’ll even do it with a press conference—my press conference. Best press conferences. No one will dare speak against Trump, folks. It’s going to be huge."
(He waves to the crowd and walks off, the chant of "Trump TV!" echoing as they go wild.)
