Scene: A massive rally in a barn converted into an emergency town hall. Farmers, ranchers, and civilians sit on makeshift benches. Nearly everyone has a missing limb and a hairdo resembling a lightning strike. Angry murmurs fill the air. Trump stands at the podium, flanked by a Dalek painted in stars and stripes. Its eyestalk swivels menacingly.
Voiceover (News Anchor):
"After thousands of Americans lost limbs to piranha attacks, President Trump made a bold move: hiring Daleks to exterminate the invasive menace. However, their extermination strategy involved electrifying every body of water in the nation, leading to ecological devastation and... some unintended side effects."
(Cut to Trump, who beams at the crowd as the Dalek looms beside him.)
Trump:
“Wow, wow, look at this turnout! So many great Americans here today—hardworking, salt-of-the-earth people! And I’ve got to say, you all look... electric. Tremendous hairstyles, really. You’re like walking Tesla coils. Very cutting edge!”
(The crowd erupts in angry shouting.)
Angry Farmer:
“Cutting edge?! I lost my right arm and two cows!”
Trump:
(Waving it off)
“Look, folks, I understand. You’re upset. But let me remind you—those piranhas were a disaster. A disaster! And thanks to me—and my very good friend here—” (gestures to the Dalek), “we got rid of them. Completely gone. Exterminated. You’re welcome!”
Dalek:
(In its signature grating tone)
“EX-TER-MIN-A-TION WAS EFFICIENT. ALL AQUATIC LIFE FORMS HAVE BEEN NEUTRALIZED!”
Rancher:
“That’s the problem! You didn’t just kill the piranhas; you killed EVERYTHING! My catfish farm’s wiped out! My son’s fishing business is gone!”
Trump:
(Nodding sagely)
“True. True. But think about it—no piranhas, right? That’s what we call a win, folks. And sure, okay, some... collateral damage. But isn’t it better to be safe than sorry?”
(A mother stands up, holding a crying toddler.)
Mother:
“My little girl was paddling in the creek when it got electrified! She looks like she stuck her finger in a socket!”
(The child’s hair resembles a frizzed-out mop.)
Trump:
(Turning to the Dalek)
“Did we have to electrify all the waterways?”
Dalek:
“IT WAS THE MOST LOGICAL COURSE OF ACTION. ELECTRICITY IS SUPREME. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.”
Trump:
(Turning back to the crowd, grinning)
“See that? Supreme logic. That’s why I hired the Daleks, folks. The best exterminators in the universe. No one exterminates like them.”
(A veteran stands up, holding a prosthetic leg fashioned from a broken rake.)
Veteran:
“What about us, huh? Half of us got zapped trying to save our livestock! And now you’re telling me I’ve got to irrigate my fields with electrified water?”
Trump:
“Listen, I hear you. Believe me, I do. That’s why I’ve got a solution, folks. A big, beautiful solution. I call it the ‘Great National Water Filter.’ We’re going to filter every single river and stream, and it’s going to be fabulous. Sparkling clean, piranha-free, electricity-free water!”
Farmer:
“And who’s paying for that?”
Trump:
(Smirking)
“Canada! They love us. I’ll make Trudeau write the cheque himself. It’ll be huge.”
(The crowd groans. The Dalek swivels its eyestalk at the crowd and speaks.)
Dalek:
“ANY FURTHER RESISTANCE WILL BE MET WITH EXTERMINATION!”
(The crowd gasps. Trump waves his hands reassuringly.)
Trump:
“Okay, okay, let’s not get trigger-happy here. Look, folks, I’ll admit, maybe things got a little... zap-happy. But that’s what makes America great—our ability to bounce back! And I’m already working on a new plan to introduce genetically modified fish into the rivers. Fish that eat piranhas AND survive electricity. We’re calling them... ‘Freedom Fish.’”
(The Dalek starts to hum ominously, its weapon glowing slightly. Trump pats it nervously.)
Trump:
“See? Even my Dalek friend loves it. Freedom Fish! They’re going to be the next big thing. Trust me, folks. Big, beautiful fish. Very tasty, very patriotic. And you know what? They’ll make the waterways great again!”
(The camera pans across the crowd of shocked, dishevelled Americans, their expressions a mix of disbelief and resignation. The Dalek begins chanting.)
Dalek:
“FREE-DOM FISH! FREE-DOM FISH!”
(The crowd reluctantly joins in, their voices tinged with despair.)
(Fade to black as Trump smiles broadly, basking in the reluctant applause, while the Dalek accidentally incinerates a nearby tractor.)
