Scene: A packed rally stadium. The crowd is buzzing with excitement, waving flags and chanting, "Four more years!" Trump strides onto the stage, victorious, basking in the glow of his recent electoral win. But this time, something’s different.
Trump: (with a confident grin)
"Thank you, thank you, everyone. We won! Big win. The biggest win ever. No one thought it was possible. They said it couldn’t be done, but I did it. I made history."
(A loud, unmistakable fart rips through the room. The crowd pauses for a split second before erupting into laughter.)
Trump: (smiling through it, undeterred)
"See? That’s the sound of victory, folks. When you win big, people just can’t handle it. It’s like the sound of a great economy, right? You’re welcome."
(Another fart interrupts him as he talks about the economy. The crowd laughs even harder.)
Trump:
"Look, under my leadership, jobs have skyrocketed. The stock market’s never been better. People are richer than they’ve ever been. Just tremendous—"
(A massive fart, longer than before. The audience howls with laughter, some holding their stomachs.)
Trump: (nervously adjusting his tie but trying to stay on message)
"I told you, folks, we were going to win so much, you’d get tired of winning. And now look, we’ve got a record amount of winning. Who else has done that? Nobody. Nobody."
(A loud fart, a comically long one this time. The crowd is in stitches, people pointing and laughing.)
Trump: (shrugging, trying to brush it off but clearly flustered)
"Honestly, folks, I don’t even know what the fake news will say about this. But I’m telling you, we’ve got the best everything. We’ve got the best everything in this country. No one can match us. Nobody!"
(Another fart, this one almost like a trumpet blare. The crowd is practically on the floor, tears streaming down faces.)
Trump: (grinning awkwardly, speaking louder to drown out the laughter)
"Biggest victory, biggest economy, best everything. You know it. I know it. Everybody knows it. And if you don’t know it, well, you’ll get used to it. I’m always right."
(One final, deafening fart erupts as he tries to emphasise his point. The entire stadium is in an uproar, with people doubled over laughing. Trump raises his hands triumphantly, clearly unaware of the full impact of his gas-based gaffe.)
Trump: (with a wink and a nod, trying to regain his composure)
"Well, folks, this is what winning looks like. Thank you! And remember, we won. Bigly!"
(Trump exits the stage to a final round of farts, his legacy now forever associated with victory... and very loud farts.)
