Make Democracy Great Again
Scene: A grand hall, with flags of various nations hanging from the ceiling. A giant podium sits at the centre, adorned with red, white, and blue bunting. Trump stands behind the podium, wearing a suit that’s too big for him, flanked by a group of confused aides. The crowd is a mixture of die-hard fans, a few cynical politicos, and an awkwardly placed group of school children on a field trip.
Trump (with his signature hand gesture):
“Thank you, thank you, everyone. You know, democracy, it used to be great. It used to be big. But now? Not so much. We’ve got problems, folks. We’ve got fake news, we’ve got fake votes, and let me tell you, I’ve been to a lot of elections, and I know how they should be run. We are going to make democracy great again. Bigger than ever before.”
The crowd cheers, but the schoolchildren look confused. One of them raises a hand.
Schoolchild:
“But Mr. Trump, isn’t democracy about people having their say, not just making it big and loud?”
Trump (grinning confidently):
“You’re wrong, kid. Let me tell you something. Big is good. People want to be heard, but they also want the best kind of democracy, the kind where everyone gets the chance to really vote. And I mean, really vote. Not these tiny elections with only a few people involved. We’re going to make democracy so big, so huge, everyone will want to join in. We’re talking elections so massive, they’ll make your head spin. Trust me, you’ll be shocked.”
An aide whispers in his ear, and Trump nods, then gestures grandly to the giant touchscreen behind him. It shows a live poll, with only one option: “Trump’s Democracy: YES or YES?”
Trump:
“Now, folks, this is the kind of democracy we’re talking about. We’ve got one question, and everyone gets to answer it. It’s simple. It’s straightforward. Yes or YES. And I’ll tell you, I’ve never seen a more democratic system than this. No complicated ballots, no confusing choices. Just one option, and everyone agrees. That’s how you run a great democracy.”
The crowd awkwardly claps, unsure whether to be impressed or terrified. Trump smiles broadly, soaking it in. A local politician, sitting in the front row, raises their hand.
Politician:
“But, Mr. Trump, that’s not really how democracy works. People need options, choice. They need a voice.”
Trump (slightly annoyed but dismissive):
“No, no, no. You’re thinking too small. That’s the problem with you politicians. You want complicated. Well, we don’t need complicated. We need big. We need SIMPLE. This whole idea of choice is overrated. Let me tell you, I know the people. And they want to vote, but they don’t want to think. Not too much. So we’re making democracy great again. We’re going to make voting so easy, you won’t even know you’re doing it. We’re talking about clicking—just a little click, and boom, democracy works.”
The screen behind him flickers and changes to a new message: “Vote for Trump - The Ultimate Choice.” A few in the audience glance at each other nervously.
Trump (gesturing grandly at the screen):
“See that? That’s democracy. You’ve got to make it easy for the people. Make it so easy that even you can do it while eating a Big Mac. In fact, I’m thinking of a new policy where every voter gets a Big Mac when they vote. Big Mac democracy. What could be more American?”
A murmur of confusion spreads through the crowd. One person stands up, clearly flustered.
Audience Member:
“But Mr. Trump, that doesn’t sound like real democracy. What about fairness? Accountability?”
Trump (smiling reassuringly):
“Fairness? Accountability? Let me tell you something—those things are so 2000s. We’re past that. We’ve moved on. What people want is results. And when I’m in charge, we’re going to have results. We’re going to have huge results. Bigger than any other democracy in history. No one knows democracy better than I do. Believe me.”
He pauses, looking around the room with a satisfied smile. Suddenly, the door bursts open and a group of overly enthusiastic supporters rush in, chanting “Trump! Trump! Trump!” They’re followed by a group of confused-looking election officials who have clearly been paid to be there.
Trump (pointing to them):
“Now, that’s what I call democracy in action. We’ve got people showing up, people voting. The best kind of democracy. It’s so good, we might just have to export it to the whole world. Make the world great again, folks. But first, we start here. We start with a strong democracy, the best democracy.”
He smiles broadly, raising his hands in victory. The crowd starts to chant in unison, "Make Democracy Great Again!" as the cameras flash. Meanwhile, a confused person in the back of the room starts to write down suggestions for real electoral reform, but no one notices.
Trump (to the crowd):
“Remember, folks, democracy doesn’t need to be complicated. It just needs to be big. And with me, it’s going to be the best, you won’t believe it. Thank you, and don’t forget to grab your Big Macs on the way out!”
Credits roll, accompanied by the sound of a single, very loud, overly synthesised anthem titled “Trump’s Democracy—Bigger Than Your Freedom.”
