Trump (at the podium, adjusting his tie, looking proud of himself):
"Thank you, thank you, everybody! It’s great to be here, truly. You know, a lot of people are talking about cancel culture, but let me tell you—nobody knows cancel culture like I do. I invented it, folks. I’ve been cancelling things for years. And now, we’re going to make it great again! You heard me right—MAKE CANCEL CULTURE GREAT AGAIN!"
(The crowd responds with a mix of confused applause and a few hesitant cheers. Trump gestures to the crowd as though he’s already won them over.)
"Now, some of the haters—they don’t get it. They don’t understand what we’re doing here. They think cancel culture is about, you know, silencing people, but it’s not! No, no, folks. Cancel culture is about empowerment. It’s about freedom. We’re going to give everyone the freedom to cancel whatever they want. And trust me, nobody cancels better than me."
(A person in the front row raises a sign that says “#MakeCancelCultureGreatAgain.” Trump points to them and smiles.)
Trump:
"You see, this person gets it! That’s right. People talk about canceling—oh, they say, ‘It’s bad, it’s divisive!’ No, it’s necessary, folks. We’re going to cancel things that need to be cancelled—people, companies, even whole ideas—if they’re not good enough. If they’re not doing it the Trump way, they need to go! We’re going to cancel them, and we’re going to do it right."
(A voice from the back of the room yells, "What does that even mean?")
Trump (waving his hand dismissively):
"Don’t worry, I’ll explain. You see, people don’t understand, okay? It’s like when you cancel your cable subscription. You’re freeing yourself from the bad stuff. We’re going to cancel the bad shows, the bad people, the bad policies. We’re canceling the losers, folks. And trust me, there are a lot of losers out there."
(A man in the crowd shouts, “What about you? You’ve been cancelled like a hundred times!” Trump freezes, his smile twitching.)
Trump (grinning):
"Oh, please. I’m the master of being cancelled. You know, I’ve been cancelled more times than anyone else, okay? Everybody tries to cancel me, but I always come back stronger. Like a boomerang, folks. A boomerang. But this time, we’re not just coming back. We’re coming back with the best cancel culture, folks. The greatest cancel culture you’ve ever seen."
(The crowd looks at each other, some unsure whether to cheer or leave. A confused woman in the front row raises her hand.)
Woman in the crowd:
"So you’re saying we should cancel everything?"
Trump (nodding enthusiastically):
"Exactly! But not everything, okay? We’re not cancelling the good stuff. We’re not cancelling America. We’re not cancelling freedom. We’re just going to cancel the things that are holding us back. Things like... the radical left, fake news, and bad coffee. You know, bad coffee, folks. Terrible coffee. We’re gonna cancel that too. It’s going to be great."
(A man in the back yells, "What about free speech?!" Trump spins around, eyes wide, like he’s just had a revelation.)
Trump:
"Free speech? Oh, I love free speech! I’m all for free speech. But you see, there’s a difference, okay? Free speech is about good speech. We’re only canceling the bad speech. The fake speech. We’re going to have the best speech. Speech that makes America proud. Beautiful speech. So, you can say whatever you want, just not the bad stuff. Got it?"
(The crowd is unsure, but a few people clap, not knowing what they’re clapping for.)
Trump (leaning forward, speaking conspiratorially):
"And here’s the best part: when you cancel something, you don’t have to feel bad about it. Nope. You’re helping. You’re doing your part, folks. You’re doing a service. You’re freeing people from the nonsense. And believe me, we’ve got plenty of nonsense to cancel. We’re going to cancel the nonsense bigly."
(Someone in the crowd starts chanting, “Cancel the nonsense! Cancel the nonsense!” The chant catches on, but there’s no clear idea of what “nonsense” actually refers to.)
Trump:
"Exactly! I love it! You guys are getting it! But listen, we’re not just talking about canceling people like politicians, okay? We’re canceling things that are holding America back. Things like... bad TV shows, fake influencers, bad fashion choices, and—don’t get me started on pineapple on pizza. That’s gotta go, folks. It’s a disgrace. Disgrace."
(A man stands up with a “Pineapple Pizza Lives!” sign and boos. Trump points at him.)
Trump (mockingly):
"Oh, we’ve got a pineapple pizza lover in the house! Folks, this is the problem. This is why we need to make cancel culture great again. People need to be free from this nonsense. It's a disaster. Believe me."
(The man sits down reluctantly, looking defeated. A young woman in the crowd shouts, “But what if we don’t want to cancel everything? What if we want to have choices?”)
Trump (laughing as if it’s the funniest thing ever):
"Oh, come on, sweetheart. Choices? We don’t need choices. We need better choices! We’re gonna give you the best choices, okay? You’re gonna have choices like never before—choices so good, they’ll make your head spin. But no more bad choices. No more loser choices. Just the greatest ones. Got it?"
(The crowd is now applauding, although many still look bewildered. Some are clapping enthusiastically while others are checking their phones for clarity.)
Trump (slamming the podium):
"So let me tell you, folks—we’re going to cancel all the bad things, and we’re going to make America great again. We’re going to make cancel culture great again. And we’re going to do it in the best way. Trust me, you’ll be thankful. You’ll be so happy, you won’t even know what hit you."
(Trump gestures to the crowd like he’s just delivered a masterstroke of logic. The applause is a bit louder now, but the audience is definitely divided. Some are clapping feverishly, others are shaking their heads, unsure if they just got brainwashed or enlightened.)
Trump (nodding as if to himself):
"That’s right, folks. Thank you. You’ve been great. And remember—cancel the losers, keep the winners, and make cancel culture great again! God bless you, and God bless America!"
End scene.
