Make Reasoning Great Again
Scene: A large auditorium filled with students, philosophers, and perplexed onlookers. At the front, a stage draped in red, white, and blue banners, each reading “Make Reasoning Great Again.” A giant screen flashes the words in bold, garish font. At the podium stands Donald Trump, grinning broadly, his hair as immovable as ever, clutching a stack of papers he clearly has no intention of reading. The crowd sits in a mixture of confusion and morbid curiosity.
Trump (gesturing widely):
“Thank you, thank you, everyone! We’re here today to talk about something that has been, frankly, so underappreciated for years: reasoning. You know, folks, we’ve been talking a lot about logic, but it’s been bad. Really bad. Let me tell you, no one reasons like me. Nobody. So today, I’m going to make reasoning great again. It’s gonna be tremendous, you won’t believe it!”
A few skeptical murmurs ripple through the audience. A philosopher in the back raises their hand, looking dubious.
Philosopher (dryly):
“Mr. Trump, with all due respect, reasoning is a complex process. It requires structured thinking, evidence, and careful analysis. It’s not something you can simply... make great with slogans.”
Trump (smiling confidently):
“Structured thinking? Evidence? Folks, I’ve seen it all. I know exactly what you mean, but here’s the thing: reasoning is a mess. It’s too complicated! Too many steps. Too much thinking about thinking. So I’m going to make it simple. You’ll see. It’s gonna be easy. And the best part is, you won’t need all those big words and complicated systems. I have a genius plan.”
Philosopher (looking concerned):
“Are you suggesting we should simplify reasoning to the point of making it... less rigorous?”
Trump (nodding vigorously):
“Exactly! Too much rigor, too much fancy stuff. Let’s cut to the chase. For example, take logic. What is it? It’s like math, right? But we don’t need all those proofs and formulas. We just need to feel it. You know it when you’re right. And you know what? I’m right. Every time. So if I say, ‘2 + 2 = 5,’ guess what? It’s right. Believe me.”
The audience collectively gasps. A philosopher raises both hands, incredulous.
Philosopher (shocked):
“But... Mr. Trump, that’s not how it works. Two plus two is four. It’s a basic truth, a logical fact.”
Trump (waving them off dismissively):
“Listen, listen, I know math, okay? I know numbers. People are saying I have the best numbers. And these facts—they’re outdated. They’re old-fashioned. We’re going to make new facts. Modern facts. My facts. And let me tell you, those facts are gonna be so good, you won’t even believe them. Really fantastic facts. The best.”
A member of the audience, a mathematician, stands up, looking flustered.
Mathematician (frustrated):
“Mr. Trump, this is deeply concerning. Reasoning is about consistency, evidence, and coherence. You can’t just decide something is true without supporting it with sound reasoning.”
Trump (interrupting, getting more animated):
“Look, folks, I’m a decider. That’s what I do best. If I decide that orange is the new blue, guess what? It’s blue. You just have to believe it. It’s called positive thinking. Positive reasoning. You can’t argue with that. Believe me. You know who really gets it? Me. I’m the king of reasoning.”
The philosopher and mathematician look at each other, shaking their heads in disbelief. A quiet murmur runs through the crowd as a logic professor, clearly at their wit’s end, stands up.
Logic Professor (sighing heavily):
“Mr. Trump, this is not how reasoning works. It’s about making consistent, valid arguments based on evidence. You can’t just declare things to be true. There’s a process—”
Trump (cutting them off, raising a finger triumphantly):
“Ah, process. I’ve heard about that. People love to talk about process. But let me tell you, it’s too slow, okay? You want a process? My process is instant. No waiting around. No facts, no logic. Just go with your gut, and that’s reasoning. And the best part? People will start to agree with me. They will. I have the best reasoning. Everyone says so. So simple. So effective.”
The room is silent. The professors look at each other, clearly struggling to process the absurdity. Trump paces in front of them, beaming with pride.
Trump (pointing to the crowd, as if making a profound point):
“You see, folks? It’s easy. Reasoning doesn’t have to be hard. I’ve made it great again. I’ve simplified it. Why do we need all this complicated reasoning when we can just decide what’s true? If you don’t like it, you’re probably a loser who doesn’t understand how great I am.”
A student in the front row raises their hand, speaking with the faintest hint of sarcasm.
Student (dryly):
“Mr. Trump, are you suggesting that reasoning is just about asserting things without evidence?”
Trump (winking):
“Exactly! You got it! See, this kid gets it. That’s the future of reasoning. Make Reasoning Great Again—no more waiting for proof, no more slow thinking. Just decide and make it happen. It’s the only way.”
He turns to the crowd, arms outstretched like a preacher delivering the gospel.
Trump (loudly):
“Who’s with me? We’re going to make reasoning the best, most spectacular thing you’ve ever seen. It’s gonna be huge!”
