Frank Leads a Corporate Training Session
A Masterclass in Disaster
INT. CORPORATE TRAINING ROOM – MORNING
A sterile conference room. A projector hums softly. HR rep Janice (a weary woman on her last nerve) stands nervously beside Frank, who is adjusting his cheap clip-on microphone.
The room is filled with bored office workers sipping weak coffee, checking emails, and generally not wanting to be here.
JANICE (forced cheerfulness)
"Alright, everyone! Let's welcome Frank, our leadership consultant for today's corporate training session!"
(Polite, dead-eyed clapping.)
FRANK (booming voice, pacing like a mad preacher)
"Alright, listen up, wage slaves! You think success comes from hard work? WRONG. It comes from eliminating the competition."
JANICE (panicking, forced smile)
"Uh, Frank, we’re here to discuss team-building…"
FRANK (ignoring her, slapping a PowerPoint remote)
"Slide one: Why Weakness is Just Failure Wearing a Name Tag."
(A slide appears: a stock photo of a man drowning in quicksand, labelled “YOU.”)
NERVOUS OFFICE WORKER
"Uh… is this… HR-approved?"
FRANK (scoffing)
"HR? The disease that spreads ‘fairness’ like it’s some kind of STD? Let me tell you—when a lion is leading a pack of sheep, does he have an HR department? No! He has lunch!"
(Janice is visibly sweating.)
SLIDE TWO: "EMPATHY = LOSING"*
Frank’s next slide is just a photo of a caveman clubbing another caveman.
JANICE (muttering to herself)
"Oh god, I should’ve just hired that mindfulness consultant…"
FRANK (grinning, pointing at the employees)
"Let’s start with an icebreaker exercise! Everybody pair up. One of you is a ruthless executive. The other is a disposable intern. You have 30 seconds to convince me why I shouldn’t fire the intern!"
(Utter chaos erupts as confused workers argue, plead, and one guy just quits on the spot.)
JANICE (frantic, whispering to Frank)
"Frank, we were supposed to do trust falls!"
FRANK (scoffs)
"Trust fall? You wanna fall? Fine. Bob! Come up here!"
(A poor soul named Bob reluctantly steps forward.)
FRANK (to Bob, pointing at another worker)
"Okay, Bob, close your eyes and fall backwards. Let’s see if Karen catches you!"
(Bob closes his eyes and falls. Karen does not move. Bob crashes to the ground.)
BOB (groaning from the floor)
"I don’t think Karen trusts me…"
FRANK (nodding approvingly)
"Exactly. Welcome to the real world."
(Karen fist-bumps Frank. Janice looks like she’s about to faint.)
SLIDE THREE: “WORK-LIFE BALANCE IS FOR QUITTERS”
A stock image of a man working at his laptop at his own funeral.
JANICE (desperate, standing up)
"Okay, we are officially done—"
FRANK (shouting over her)
"Time for a role-playing exercise! Who wants to simulate a high-stakes boardroom firing?"
(Three people immediately stand up and point at their boss.)
NERVOUS CEO
"Wait, what?!"
JANICE (whispering to herself, panicked clicking on her phone)
"Dear god, please let the yoga instructor be available…"
FRANK (pounding his chest)
"Alright, final lesson: Leadership isn’t given. IT’S TAKEN."
(He rips the nameplate off the CEO’s desk and slaps it onto his own chest. The room erupts into applause.)
JANICE (facepalming, defeated mumbling)
"We’re so getting sued…"
CUT TO BLACK.
