Scene: A hospital room
Frank Costanza is in a full-body cast, suspended slightly above the bed in traction. His face is barely visible, except for one eye and his mouth. His arm is in a sling, his leg is elevated, and a monitor beeps steadily in the background.
Mrs Warboys sits at his bedside, stirring a cup of tea with a look of supreme disapproval. Estelle stands near the window, reading aloud from an absolutely devastating medical report.
Estelle:
(Reading) "Multiple fractures to the ribs, both femurs, left humerus, two metacarpals, and a—oh, here we go—a complete dislocation of the shoulder, severe bruising across the torso, and a suspected concussion..."
(Snorts) "Suspected"? Frank, you tried to headbutt a silverback gorilla. I’d say that’s confirmed."
Frank:
(Speaking through clenched teeth) "I almost had him."
Mrs Warboys:
(Stirring tea, utterly incredulous) "You ‘almost had him’? You were in the enclosure for less than eight seconds before it threw you over a fence!"
Frank:
(Determined) "That’s what makes it impressive! Most people wouldn’t have lasted three!"
Estelle:
(Looking up from the report) "Most people wouldn’t have tried."
Mrs Warboys:
(Shaking her head) "Honestly, Frank. I told you, 'What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger' is just a saying! It doesn’t mean you should provoke wild animals for ‘personal growth’!"
Frank:
(Muttering) "That’s exactly what it means."
Estelle:
(Throws the medical report on the bed) "And what was the plan, exactly? Let the gorilla almost kill you so you could emerge… what? Superhuman?"
Frank:
(Nods) "Exactly! You’ve got to push the limits! If you never test your strength, how do you know your true potential?"
Mrs Warboys:
(Deadpan) "I’d say your true potential is ‘projectile’."
Frank:
(Still determined) "I was going to win, but I miscalculated—"
Estelle:
(Scoffs) "Oh, did you? Did you miscalculate, Frank? Was that your downfall?"
Frank:
(Shrugs as best he can in the cast) "I just needed a little more time."
Mrs Warboys:
(Flatly) "Oh, yes, I’m sure if the zoo hadn’t shot it with a tranquilliser, you’d have come out on top."
Frank:
(Excitedly) "See?! Even the zoo knew I was about to turn the tide! That’s why they had to step in!"
Estelle:
(Turning to Mrs Warboys) "I give up. He’s completely deluded."
Mrs Warboys:
(Sipping her tea) "Not completely. He’s just… physically rearranged."
Frank:
(Determined) "And next time—"
Estelle & Mrs Warboys:
(Simultaneously) "THERE IS NO NEXT TIME!"