Scene: Frank vs. NFT Art (“You’re Selling WHAT?!”)
Setting:
A trendy gallery hosting an NFT auction. The walls are filled with digital screens showcasing pixelated nonsense. A massive banner reads:
🖼️ THE FUTURE OF ART: OWN A DIGITAL MASTERPIECE! 🎉
Frank, Estelle, and Mrs Warboys wander in, bewildered. A slick-looking NFT salesman approaches, grinning like he just scammed a pensioner out of their life savings.
Frank vs. The Concept of NFTs (“I Just Had a Stroke.”)
NFT SALESMAN: Welcome! Would you like to invest in the future of art?
Frank squints at a screen displaying a pixelated monkey wearing sunglasses.
FRANK: …Why is that gorilla dressed like a wanker?
NFT SALESMAN: This is “Bored Ape #7635.” It’s a unique, blockchain-verified digital artwork!
FRANK: It’s a bloody cartoon, and I could draw a better one with my left foot.
NFT SALESMAN: Ah, but owning this NFT means you own the original!
Frank pauses. Looks at the monkey. Looks at Estelle.
FRANK: …So, if I take a screenshot of it, what happens?
The salesman freezes.
NFT SALESMAN: (flustered) Well… you’d have a copy, but you wouldn’t own the real one!
FRANK: The real one? It’s a bloody jpeg!
Frank vs. the “Million-Dollar” NFT (“You’re Having Me On.”)
They stop in front of another screen. The display reads:
Frank’s face twitches.
FRANK: …I need a chair. I think I’ve had a stroke.
ESTELLE: Frank, people see value in digital assets!
FRANK: Value? That’s a dot! It’s not even a good dot!
Mrs Warboys peers at the single pixel.
MRS WARBOYS: I think it has depth.
Frank spins to her.
FRANK: (deadpan) It literally doesn’t.
Frank vs. The NFT “Flex” (“So What Do You Actually Own?”)
A hipster influencer nearby is showing off his NFT collection on his phone.
INFLUENCER: I just bought CryptoPigeon #2994.
Frank peers over his shoulder.
FRANK: …It’s a badly drawn pigeon.
INFLUENCER: Yeah, but it’s one-of-a-kind!
Frank pulls out a pen and a napkin. Draws a pigeon.
FRANK: (holding it up) There. That’s one-of-a-kind. £10,000.
INFLUENCER: That’s not how it works. It’s about ownership on the blockchain!
FRANK: And what happens if the website goes down?
The influencer blinks.
INFLUENCER: Well… uh… the proof of ownership is still there.
FRANK: But the pigeon’s gone.
INFLUENCER: …Yes?
Frank stares.
FRANK: So you paid £100,000 for an imaginary bird that doesn’t exist if the WiFi cuts out?
The influencer nods proudly.
Frank walks away.
Frank’s Breaking Point (“You Know What? I Give Up.”)
At the auction podium, a gavel slams.
AUCTIONEER: SOLD! “Invisible Sculpture #22” goes for $2.1 million!
Frank turns.
FRANK: …I beg your pardon.
The screen displays literally nothing.
FRANK: They just bought air.
MRS WARBOYS: It’s a statement!
FRANK: Yes. The statement is ‘I am a mug.’
The NFT salesman approaches again, desperate.
NFT SALESMAN: Sir, if you’re hesitant, why not start small? We have an NFT of a single, unbroken chain of the word “cheese” for just $50!
Frank rubs his temples.
FRANK: I am leaving before I develop a brain tumour.
He marches out. Estelle and Mrs Warboys follow.
ESTELLE: Frank, NFTs are the future!
FRANK: If that’s true, I’m living in the past.
FADE TO BLACK.
