Flat-Earth Settlement: A Whole New (Very Flat) World
SCENE 1 – WELCOME TO FLATOPIA
(A group of die-hard Flat Earthers wake up in a bizarre new world. The sky is a bit... off, the sun moves in erratic patterns, and the horizon has a weirdly sharp drop-off.)
TED (Flat Earth Influencer, ecstatic): It’s true! We were right all along! The Earth is flat, and NASA has been lying to us!
BRENDA (confused, looking at the sky): Uh… why is the sun kinda… flickering?
(The sun moves like a malfunctioning screensaver, occasionally stopping and jittering before jumping to a new location.)
JIM (Flat Earth veteran): Clearly, it's on a giant track in the sky, just like we said!
(A breeze blows, and a tree in the distance flattens like a piece of paper.)
BRENDA: Okay, that tree just collapsed like a stage prop—
TED: Because that’s how reality works! NASA’s been hiding the TRUTH!
SCENE 2 – THE EDGE OF THE WORLD
(A few of them march triumphantly towards the edge of Flatopia, where the ocean abruptly cuts off into an infinite waterfall plunging into nothingness.)
JIM (pumping his fist): HA! Look at that! We finally found the edge! This is proof that—
(JIM gets too close. A gust of wind sends his hat flying off the edge. Then his shoe. Then him.)
JIM (falling into the abyss): NOOOO—WAIT, THIS ISN’T WHAT I WANTED!
TED (nervous, backing up): Uh… okay. Maybe we should mark this off as a “Do Not Cross” area.
SCENE 3 – DAY/NIGHT DISASTER
(The sky flickers like a bad VR simulation. The sun zips behind a distant mountain, and suddenly it’s pitch-black.)
BRENDA: Wait, that was too fast! It was noon five seconds ago!
TED: It’s… uh… proving that the sun moves locally, and not because of “orbit” nonsense!
BRENDA (pointing at a shivering group): Okay, but why is it -30°C over there and boiling hot over here?!
(A man steps too far into a shadow and instantly encases in ice like a cartoon character.)
TED: That’s just… uh… localised climate zones! It’s the fault of... (panicked) THE GOVERNMENT!
SCENE 4 – WHERE’S THE MOON?
(A few Flat Earthers stare up at the night sky. There’s no moon. Just... nothing.)
BRENDA: Where’s the moon?
TED (sweating): Um. I, uh. It must be... recharging?
(A horrible, staticky whirring noise echoes from above. A gigantic JPEG of the moon briefly appears, flickers, then disappears again.)
BRENDA: That was a freaking CLIP ART IMAGE!
TED: SHUT UP BRENDA! THE TRUTH IS STILL THE TRUTH!
SCENE 5 – ESCAPE PLAN?
(The group gathers to discuss what to do. They look at their broken sundials and malfunctioning compasses.)
BRENDA: So… how do we leave?
TED: What do you mean? This is paradise!
(A loud, deep metallic groan echoes. The sky briefly peels back, revealing lines of source code.)
BRENDA: Did anyone else just see reality glitch?
JIM (somehow back from the void, now extremely disheveled and insane-looking): YOU CAN’T ESCAPE. THIS PLACE IS A NIGHTMARE!
TED (scoffing): Oh please. It’s just NASA trying to make us THINK we’re in a simulation!
(A glitch sends part of the ocean flying upward into the sky.)
BRENDA: Yeah. Sure. That’s NASA.
SCENE 6 – THE FINAL GLITCH
(The world starts breaking down. Land masses stretch and warp. The sun starts aggressively blinking like a broken light bulb. The sky shatters like glass, revealing… a CGI render of 1950s America.)
TED (sobbing, clutching his head): IT’S ALL FAKE! EVERYTHING’S FAKE!
(The Flat Earthers run screaming as giant Photoshop watermarks start appearing across the sky.)
CUT TO BLACK.
TEXT ON SCREEN: “In the end, Flat Earth was real… just not in the way they wanted.”
FADE OUT.
