Sunday, 31 May 2026

Anti-Intellectual Paradise by ChatGPT

Scene: Anti-Intellectual Paradise

(A beautiful village, untouched by reason. The sun shines, birds sing, and a man is drinking bleach because he read it "kills germs.")

A proud resident, CHAD, stands atop a soapbox.

CHAD: "Friends, we did it! We got rid of so-called 'experts' and their so-called 'facts!' No more fancy book learnin'—just good old-fashioned common sense!"

CROWD: "Yeah!"

A MAN limps up, his leg horribly infected.

MAN: "Doctor! I need help!"

CHAD: "Ain't no doctors here, buddy! Just rub some coconut oil on it and say a prayer!"

MAN: "But—"

CHAD: (shoving a mason jar at him) "This here is raw, unpasteurized, holistic milk! Works every time!"

Meanwhile, at the town's "Science-Free Engineering Centre"...

(A bridge collapses as two men scratch their heads.)

BUILDER #1: "I dunno, Bob. I just put some planks down and hoped for the best."

BUILDER #2: "Yeah, I figured measurements were just an elitist thing."

Back at the village square, a WOMAN rushes up, panicked.

WOMAN: "Guys! My kid is sick!"

CHAD: "Did you try rubbing essential oils on ‘im?"

WOMAN: "I did! And then I gave him a crystal, and I even burned sage, but he’s still coughing!"

CHAD: (genuinely puzzled) "Huh… Maybe he needs more crystals?"

A man in the background is trying to read a map. The map bursts into flames.


CUT TO: A few months later.

The town is abandoned. The survivors are covered in rashes, limping through the ruins, gnawing on tree bark. A SINGLE MAN sits by a pile of burned books, muttering to himself.

LAST SURVIVOR: "Maybe… maybe learning things wasn’t so bad after all?"

A bolt of lightning immediately incinerates him.