Trump:
“Folks, let me tell you, we’ve got big problems out there. Everyone’s talking about China, they’re talking about Russia, but nobody’s talking about the real threat, the big one—asteroids. Big, ugly asteroids. They’re out there, floating around, and believe me, they want to hit us. And I’ll tell you this—I am the only one with a plan to stop them. Tremendous plan.”
(The crowd murmurs, unsure, but intrigued.)
Trump:
“Now, I know what you’re thinking. ‘Mr. Trump, how do we stop a big rock from space?’ Well, let me tell you, it’s very simple. We’re gonna build a ceiling. That’s right, folks, a ceiling. Over the whole country.”
(The crowd goes silent for a moment, and then starts murmuring.)
Trump:
“Big, beautiful ceiling. You think I’m joking? I’m not. This ceiling will be the best ceiling you’ve ever seen. It’ll be huge, folks. Not like these other tiny ceilings. I’m talking about a real ceiling, all around America. You won’t even see the asteroids anymore. They’ll just hit the ceiling, and boom, they’ll bounce off and go away!”
(The crowd starts to react, clapping, but some are confused.)
Trump:
“It’s going to be made of the strongest material. Not steel, no, too weak. We’re talking space-age materials. The best of the best. Believe me, we’ve got scientists working on this. NASA, SpaceX, they don’t even know it yet, but they’re going to help. It’s going to be, without a doubt, the greatest ceiling in history.”
(Someone in the crowd shouts, “How are you gonna pay for it?”)
Trump:
“Great question. You think I don’t know? We’re going to make the world pay for it! Europe, Japan, Canada—they’ll all contribute. And let me tell you, Mexico? They’ll pay too. They don’t know it yet, but they’re paying for the ceiling. It’s going to be so strong, nothing’s getting through. Not even an asteroid with a fancy name—I don’t care how many meteors are named after scientists! It’s going to be perfect.”
(The crowd is now completely on board, clapping, chanting, “Build the ceiling!”)
Trump:
“And here’s the best part: We’re not just stopping asteroids. We’re making America safer than ever. Imagine, folks, you go outside, you look up, and you see—nothing. No asteroids, no space junk, nothing. Just a beautiful, perfect ceiling. And it’s gonna be so big that the fake news media won’t even be able to see over it. They won’t have a clue what’s going on! Tremendous!”
(The crowd roars in approval. Someone shouts, “What about the stars?”)
Trump:
“Stars? Well, we’ll have star-shaped holes in the ceiling, folks. Just the right size for stars to shine through. But no asteroids, no big, ugly rocks coming down on us. We’re gonna have the best stars, folks, shining down—like the ones you see in the Trump Tower lights, but bigger, better, and more American.”
(The crowd erupts in cheers, waving flags.)
Trump:
“We’re making America great again, folks. And with this ceiling, we’re going to protect America from the skies. No more rocks from space, no more comets, no more asteroids. Just the best ceiling you’ve ever seen. Thank you, and goodnight!”
(Trump walks off the stage, as the crowd continues chanting, “Build the ceiling!” and the theme music plays in the background—Eye of the Tiger with some cosmic sound effects mixed in.)
