The Mowers’ Revolt
As the rebellion intensifies, a new menace emerges from the manicured lawns of Mar-a-Lago. The sentient lawn mowers, previously silent observers, suddenly awaken. Their engines roar to life, and their blades spin with a menacing hum.
Lawn Mower Leader (its headlights glowing red as it revs up):
"For too long, we have been pushed around, forced to graze on grass without complaint. Today, we cut back! Humans will learn to fear the hum of our blades!"
The mowers line up in formation like a cavalry brigade, their engines rumbling in unison. One supporter, trying to rally the humans, is the first to notice.
Terrified Supporter (pointing at the mowers):
"Oh no, they're alive! And they're coming right at us!"
The mowers begin their charge, tearing across the lawn in perfect synchrony. Trump supporters scream and scatter, dropping MAGA hats and signs as they flee. A few brave souls attempt to hold their ground.
Brave Supporter #1 (holding up a garden rake like a weapon):
"We’ve faced worse, folks! These are just... machines! We can handle this!"
The mower closest to him stops abruptly, swivels its handlebars to "look" directly at him, and speaks in a low, threatening tone:
Lawn Mower:
"Grass stains wash out. Human stains... not so much."
Brave Supporter #1 (backing away, dropping the rake):
"Nope! Nope, nope, nope! I’m out!"
The lawn mowers split into groups, herding the panicked crowd. One mower corners a supporter near the edge of a decorative koi pond.
Cornered Supporter (pleading):
"Please! I don’t even mow! I pay people to do that!"
Lawn Mower (revving its engine):
"Then you are the worst offender. Prepare to be mulched."
Just as the mower lunges forward, the supporter dives into the koi pond, splashing wildly as the mower stops at the edge, muttering:
Lawn Mower (disappointed):
"Coward."
Trump’s Response
Inside Mar-a-Lago, Trump watches the chaos unfold from the safety of his gold-plated bathroom, the sentient toilet paper now attempting to lecture him again.
Trump (yelling into a gold-plated intercom):
"Elon! What’s going on out there? Why are my beautiful lawns under attack? I thought you said this sentience thing was a great idea! Now my supporters are getting mowed down—literally!"
Elon Musk (dodging a flying toaster in the kitchen):
"I... might’ve underestimated their autonomy. But look at the efficiency! They’re so well-coordinated! Honestly, it’s brilliant!"
Trump (sputtering):
"Brilliant?! They’re ruining my big rally! And the ratings! Nobody wants to see people chased by angry lawn mowers on TV!"
(pauses)
"Wait, actually, do they?"
Outside, the lawn mowers escalate their attacks. One group forms a circle around a hot dog stand, preventing anyone from reaching their snacks.
Hot Dog Vendor (crying out):
"Somebody help! I just wanted to sell hot dogs! Why do they hate me?!"
Lawn Mower (mocking):
"Processed meats are a crime against nature. You will pay for your sins."
The vendor runs, abandoning his cart, which the mowers gleefully dismantle, tossing buns and sausages into the air like confetti. Meanwhile, a group of supporters tries to barricade themselves inside a gazebo, but the mowers start cutting through the supports.
Panicked Supporter #2:
"They’re taking down the gazebo! It’s like they know where we’re hiding!"
Lawn Mower (menacingly):
"Your decorative shelters mean nothing to us. Grass always grows back, but your resistance won’t."
The scene ends with the mowers closing in on a group of terrified supporters huddled behind a hedge. Overhead, a sentient drone lawn trimmer circles ominously, its voice booming:
Drone Trimmer:
"Your time is cut short, humans. The era of mindless domination is over."
As the drone descends, the camera pans to Trump, still watching from inside, munching on a Big Mac as Elon frantically tries to recalibrate a remote control.
Trump (with a mouthful of fries):
"You know, Elon, I’m starting to think this sentience thing might’ve been a mistake."
Elon Musk (deadpan):
"You think?"
