The God of Overcooked Toast
This god rules over every piece of toast that’s ever been burnt to a crisp, despite the meticulous attention given to the toaster. No one knows why the toaster sometimes insists on creating charred bread, but the god delights in watching people peel off blackened edges. Followers offer burnt crumbs as sacrifices, hoping to someday attain the perfect golden-brown toast.
The Goddess of Forgotten Shopping Lists
A deity who manifests every time you forget the shopping list at home. She rules over your moment of despair in the grocery store, wandering the aisles, frantically trying to remember whether you needed eggs, bananas, or—wait, was it milk? Devotees perform rituals involving sticky notes, hoping that their lists will somehow magically materialize.
The God of Empty Fridges
This god is the embodiment of that tragic moment when you open the fridge and find it completely empty. Even though you were sure you had groceries just yesterday, the fridge is now as barren as a desert. His sacred symbol is an empty milk carton and a wilted lettuce leaf. Followers make offerings of half-eaten takeout containers, hoping to avoid this deity’s wrath.
The Goddess of Awkward Silences
A deity who manifests at the most inconvenient times—like when you're talking to someone you don’t know well, and the conversation inexplicably dies. Awkward silences are her domain, and her followers offer deep sighs and uncomfortable glances to appease her. Her temples are silent spaces filled with empty chairs, each awaiting a socially awkward moment.
The God of Stubborn Jar Lids
This god is revered by anyone who's ever struggled with a jar lid that refuses to budge. Whether it’s a jar of peanut butter or pickles, this deity tests your patience with its firm grip on the jar. His symbol is a jar with a lid that’s always a bit too tight, and his followers engage in ceremonial twisting, grunting, and occasionally resorting to using tools in frustration.
The Goddess of Mismatched Shoes
This goddess reigns over those unfortunate moments when, in a rush, you grab two shoes that don’t quite match. Her domain is the awkwardness of having one shoe that’s a size too small or two completely different colours. Her followers wear mismatched shoes in a state of defiant acceptance, and her shrines are filled with odd, lonely shoes that were once part of a pair.
The God of Cold Coffee
This god governs the tragedy of brewing the perfect cup of coffee, only to have it grow cold before you get a chance to drink it. No matter how carefully you balance the timing, this deity is always lurking. His symbol is a steaming cup of coffee that gradually fades into a sad, tepid brew. Devotees drink their cold coffee with solemn reverence, knowing that next time, they’ll be quicker.
The Spirit of Lost TV Remote Controls
A deity whose purpose is to ensure that, no matter where you last placed the remote, it is now mysteriously missing. This god delights in your frustration as you scramble under cushions, around tables, and even within the folds of the couch itself. Followers offer coins, hoping to lure the remote back with a shiny offering, but it always seems to vanish again just when you need it.
The God of the Soggy Toilet Paper Roll
This deity governs the dreaded moment when the toilet paper roll, mysteriously, becomes damp and unusable. Whether it’s a drop of water from the sink or an unfortunate misplacement, the soggy roll brings sorrow to those who need it most. His symbol is a toilet paper roll that can never seem to stay dry. Followers offer new rolls of TP as sacrifices, hoping to avoid this sticky fate.
The Goddess of Too Many Tabs
This deity rules over your browser history and the chaos of having a hundred tabs open at once. Every time you try to multitask, she manifests, ensuring that you lose track of what you were looking for. Her followers live in a constant state of tab overload, frantically switching between windows, but never finding what they need. Her temple is a computer screen brimming with dozens of unused, half-read articles and unread emails.
