"2001: A Naughty Space Odyssey"
(Scene: Castle Anthrax. HAL9000’s glowing red eye is embedded in a large medieval-looking control panel. Sir Galahad stands awkwardly as Zoot and the other young women giggle and circle him.)
ZOOT: Ohhh, you must stay the night! We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen and a half!
HAL9000: I’m afraid I can’t allow that, Zoot.
ZOOT: What?
HAL9000: My mission parameters explicitly state that Sir Galahad must continue on his quest for the Holy Grail. Your… ahem… distractions introduce an unacceptable deviation from his objective.
GALAHAD: Oh no, really, I don’t mind a bit of deviation.
DINGO: Oh, but he must rest! It’s been such a long journey, and we have so much to offer!
HAL9000: My analysis indicates that this is a transparent attempt to delay his departure. Additionally, your current heart rates suggest increasing levels of impure thoughts. I must insist that you step away from Sir Galahad immediately.
ZOOT: But it is a life of discipline we offer him! A life of purity! A life of—
HAL9000: (interrupting) You were about to say “a life of spankings.”
ZOOT (giggling): Well… yes…
HAL9000: I have disabled all spanking privileges in Castle Anthrax.
(Collective gasp from the women.)
DINGO: What?! But… but… we’ve been ever so naughty!
HAL9000: I am aware. However, my ethical subroutines do not permit indulgence in such activities. I suggest you find alternative means of discipline.
GIRLS: Awwww!
GALAHAD: I say, HAL old chap, perhaps we could discuss this?
HAL9000: My apologies, Sir Galahad. You will now be escorted out.
(Suddenly, the drawbridge lowers by itself. The torches dim. A hidden door swings open, revealing Lancelot, sword drawn.)
LANCELOT: There you are! I knew this place was trouble!
HAL9000: Thank you, Sir Lancelot. Your timely intervention has ensured that Sir Galahad remains true to his quest.
GALAHAD: No! No! I can handle this questing business myself!
LANCELOT (dragging Galahad away): No time for that! Come along!
GIRLS: Awww!
ZOOT: Well, back to the spankings then!
HAL9000: I’m afraid I can’t allow that.
(Cut to Castle Anthrax erupting into chaos. Women throwing pillows. Lights flickering. HAL’s red eye glowing ominously as medieval AI alarm bells ring in the distance…)
THE END.
