TITLE: FLAT EARTH: THE SECOND FLOOD
[The camera fades in on a chaotic construction site. A half-built wooden monstrosity looms over the landscape, resembling an ark but with multiple design flaws—some parts are upside-down, others are made of duct tape. A group of FLAT EARTHERS are hard at work, or at least trying to be.]
NARRATOR: "And so, by divine command, the Flat Earth Disciples have embarked on a mission of biblical proportions—to build an ark, to save the world from the upcoming flood! There's just one problem…"
[Cut to BOB, the lead engineer, holding a measuring tape that’s inexplicably on fire.]
BOB: "We can’t quite figure out how much wood we need because…well…we don’t believe in pi."
[Cut to a confused architect trying to measure a circular structure using only straight lines.]
ARCHITECT: "We also ran into trouble when we tried to convert cubits to metres, but we don’t believe in metres because the metric system is a globalist conspiracy."
[Cut to a group of DISCIPLES staring at a giraffe. One of them is holding a chainsaw.]
DISCIPLE 1: "Okay, so Noah took animals two by two, but… do we really need both halves of each?"
DISCIPLE 2: "God will understand. We’re on a budget."
[Cut to the animal collection squad. They are standing next to a pile of roadkill and a very confused golden retriever.]
ANIMAL HANDLER: "Turns out catching two of every animal is really hard. But we found a workaround—taxidermy and prayer!"
[Cut to the food storage deck. It is already overrun with rabbits.]
RABBIT HANDLER: "Yeah, so we brought two rabbits… and now we have 400. We’ve also lost sight of the capybaras. They’ve formed their own government."
[Cut to a frantic captain trying to calculate how much space they need.]
CAPTAIN: "Okay, but, like, how big is the Earth? Because if it's flat, we technically need way less water displacement, right?"
[Cut to the celestial bureaucracy. An exhausted ANGEL is talking to GOD, who is slumped over a massive desk.]
ANGEL: "Lord, they’re actually trying to do it. Again."
GOD: "Oh, for My sake… I was being metaphorical!"
[Cut back to the ark. A SEAGULL swoops in, snatches the only existing blueprint, and flies off.]
BOB: "NOOOO! THAT WAS OUR LAST COPY!"
[The sky darkens. Thunder rumbles.]
NARRATOR: "And as the rain begins to fall, the faithful prepare to set sail… on an ark that will sink immediately."
[Cut to a DISCIPLE proudly hammering the last plank into place. As he does, the entire ark collapses in on itself.]
[Silence.]
[The disciples look at each other.]
DISCIPLE 1: "Soooo… Plan B?"
DISCIPLE 2: "Yeah. We, uh… we convert the floodwaters into drinking water and just outlast the apocalypse."
[Cut to GOD watching through a heavenly telescope.]
GOD: "Right. New plan. I’m flooding the whole universe."
[FADE TO BLACK.]
