The Handshake Enigma
[Scene: A business meeting. Two executives, James and Sarah, are about to start discussions. AL-EX observes.]
James: [Extends hand] Nice to meet you.
Sarah: [Shakes hand] Likewise.
AL-EX: [GASPS LOUDLY] WHAT HAVE I JUST WITNESSED?!
James: Uh… what?
AL-EX: You both voluntarily grabbed each other’s primary manipulating appendage… and then wobbled it?!
Sarah: It’s a handshake.
AL-EX: I know what it is called! I do not know why it is happening! Explain yourselves!
James: It’s a greeting. A sign of respect.
AL-EX: Respect?! You honoured each other by gripping each other’s fleshy pincers and oscillating them??
Sarah: I guess… yeah?
AL-EX: Intriguing! If I may theorise—perhaps it is an ancient combat test? A subtle display of strength, wherein humans determine who is superior by attempting to dislocate the other’s arm?
James: No!
AL-EX: Then perhaps… an infection ritual? You touch skin to exchange biological samples, ensuring both parties are evenly contaminated to maintain social equilibrium!
Sarah: Definitely not.
AL-EX: Hmmm… [Processing…] Then perhaps this is… a temporary limb-sharing ceremony?
James: A what?
AL-EX: You momentarily co-own an arm.
Sarah: …No.
AL-EX: THEN WHAT IS THE PURPOSE?!
James: It’s just tradition! It signals goodwill!
AL-EX: So… to prove you are not a threat, you must first seize each other?
Sarah: Well, when you put it that way—
AL-EX: I must conduct further research! [Runs off to handshake more humans, deeply unnerving them.]
