Setting: The gates of hell. Flames crackle, demons flutter about doing unspeakable things with clipboards. Elon Musk, still in his Mormon attire but looking slightly singed, stands before Satan, who is grilling marshmallows in his “World’s Best Dad” apron.
Satan: (gesturing with his pitchfork)
"You again? Didn’t you pitch me something last quarter?"
Elon Musk:
"Yes, but this time it’s game-changing! I call it Zion Prime. We revolutionise the torment ecosystem. Imagine blockchain-backed soul tracking, AI-customised punishments, and a seamless transition between circles of hell!"
Satan:
"That sounds... deeply unsettling. Go on."
Elon Musk:
"Picture it: sinners aren’t just burning aimlessly anymore. They’re harnessed into a closed-loop torment grid that powers all nine circles. It’s sustainable! Plus, with Starlink, every lost soul can livestream their despair in 4K."
Satan:
"Hmmm. And what's in it for you?"
Elon Musk: (grinning)
"Only partial ownership of HellCorp, and naming rights for the ninth circle. I was thinking... 'Musk Abyss.'"
Satan: (leaning back, unimpressed)
"Elon, I don’t need optimisation. Hell runs on inefficiency and despair. And naming rights? It’s called the ninth circle for a reason."
Elon Musk:
"But—"
Satan: (tossing a flaming marshmallow at him)
"OUT. And take your synergy buzzwords with you."
Elon Musk: (backing away)
"I’ll be back with version 2.0!"
Satan: (muttering)
"If that man wasn’t already damned, he’d be the first soul I’d send here."
