The God of Spilled Drinks: This deity rules over that tragic moment when your drink, no matter how carefully placed, is sent toppling to the ground. Whether it's coffee on a freshly cleaned shirt or water on your favourite book, this god’s presence is felt when liquids seem to defy gravity. His symbol is a cup with a liquid trail leading to a stain, and followers offer tissues to dry the mess, hoping to avoid this divine mishap in the future.
The Goddess of Overpacked Bags: She governs the disastrous overstuffed bag that refuses to close, no matter how much you stuff into it. Whether it’s your lunch bag, a suitcase, or a purse, this goddess delights in the challenge of fitting just one more thing in. Her symbol is a zipper that’s half-closed, yet still bulging with items. Her followers offer up their most overpacked bags in hopes of lighter loads ahead.
The God of Staring at a Blank Page: This god thrives on those moments when you need to write, but your brain just refuses to cooperate, leaving you staring at a blank screen or page. Whether it's for an essay, a report, or a simple grocery list, the moment of complete mental freeze is his domain. His followers offer up their half-written drafts, which are then lost to the void, hoping for a burst of creativity in return.
The Goddess of Parallel Parking: This goddess presides over the absurdity of parallel parking, where no matter how much space you have, it always seems like there’s not enough. Her followers perform intricate rituals of attempting to squeeze their car into impossibly tight spots, making sure they get in just the right angle. Her symbol is a parking space half-filled with a perfectly positioned car. Some say her temple is a vast city parking lot filled with all kinds of impossible parking situations.
The Goddess of Broken Umbrellas: She manifests whenever an umbrella, no matter how sturdy or new, flips inside out during the stormiest of downpours. The sound of a snapping frame is her herald, and her followers offer up their bent, battered umbrellas at her feet, hoping to escape the wrath of the next unexpected gust of wind. Her symbol is a broken umbrella, unable to shield anyone from the rain.
The God of Unread Texts: This deity rules over those moments when you open your phone to find a notification for a text you’ve never read, and then it’s too late to respond. He governs over the eternal delay between receiving a message and responding to it, even though you had every intention to reply. His symbol is a notification bubble with the words “1 unread message” forever taunting you. His followers pray for timely replies and fewer unread texts.
The Goddess of Paper Cuts: This goddess takes delight in the small, painful paper cuts that occur just when you least expect them—often when dealing with documents, books, or the innocent act of opening an envelope. Her symbol is a tiny, bleeding cut on a fingertip, though she often goes unnoticed until it’s too late. Her followers offer up band-aids and lotion, hoping to ward off this minor yet excruciating pain.
The Goddess of Autocorrect Failures: A deity who ensures that no matter how carefully you type a message, autocorrect will always replace an innocent word with something hilariously wrong. Her followers plead for mercy as they send out texts that read like a string of random words. Her symbol is a phone screen displaying a completely nonsensical word, made up of completely reasonable intentions.
The God of Overly Enthusiastic Alarm Clocks: This deity thrives on the horror of waking up to an alarm that feels way too early, too loud, or too aggressive. He delights in the urgency of those moments when you hit snooze with the grim realisation that you’ve wasted precious seconds of your precious sleep. His symbol is an alarm clock with a massive, menacing "snooze" button that never seems to do enough.
The Goddess of "Just One More Episode": This goddess fuels the endless cycle of binge-watching where you say, "Just one more episode," only to find yourself three hours later with the sun rising and your snack stash long gone. Her symbol is a play button on a streaming service that never seems to stop once pressed. Her followers offer up their remote controls in hopes of gaining the self-discipline to press "pause."
The God of Tangles: This deity controls the inevitability of tangled wires—whether they’re headphones, charger cords, or any long string-like object that shouldn’t be tangled. No matter how carefully you pack them away, when you pull them out again, they will be knotted. His symbol is a ball of tangled mess, seemingly mocking any attempt at order. His followers offer up their tangled cords in hopes of divine intervention that might untangle them.
The Goddess of Microwave Popcorn Failures: She oversees the minor disaster of the microwave popcorn bag where half of the kernels pop and the other half remain untouched, making the snack an uneven, disappointing experience. Her symbol is a bag with the tiniest amount of fully popped popcorn, and the rest just a sad pile of unpopped kernels. Her followers pray for the perfect popcorn next time, but she enjoys watching them struggle.
The Goddess of Misjudged Phone Battery Life: This goddess rules over the agony of thinking you have plenty of battery left, only for your phone to die at the most inconvenient moment—whether in the middle of an important call, while reading a message, or just when you're about to navigate somewhere. Her symbol is a phone with a battery meter hovering dangerously at the 1% mark. Her followers offer up their charging cables, hoping for a longer, more reliable battery life.
