Title: Support Group for People Who Took Old Wives' Tales Too Seriously
[Scene: A dimly lit community centre. A circle of mismatched chairs creaks under the weight of anxious attendees. A whiteboard at the front reads: "Old Wives’ Tales Trauma Recovery – You’re Not Alone!"]
Facilitator (Helen): Welcome, everyone. It’s so important that we create a safe space to share our experiences. Let’s go around and introduce ourselves.
Jeff: Hi, I’m Jeff, and I never swallowed my gum as a kid. But one day, by accident—I was chewing and laughing too hard—it happened. And now… (sobs) I think there’s a fully grown tree inside me. I can feel the branches when I stretch.
Helen: Thank you for sharing, Jeff. Acknowledging your fear is the first step to healing.
Marge: (nervously adjusting her oversized sunglasses) Hi, I’m Marge. When I was little, my mum told me that if I sat too close to the TV, my eyes would go square. One day, I fell asleep in front of the telly and when I woke up… (removes sunglasses to reveal disturbingly sharp 90-degree angles in her eye sockets) The doctors say it's ‘not medically possible,’ but here I am!
Group: (polite, horrified nodding)
Colin: (clutching his head) They told me if I kept making that face, it would get stuck like this. I thought they were joking! (turns to reveal an eternally gurning expression, like a haunted ventriloquist dummy) I’ve been smiling for thirty years. Even at funerals. I CAN’T STOP.
Helen: That sounds exhausting, Colin.
Colin: People say, "Smile! It might never happen!" But IT ALREADY HAS.
Group: (collective shudder)
Dennis: (glares at everyone) My parents warned me about cracking my knuckles. Said it would give me arthritis. I didn’t listen. I kept cracking. (dramatic pause) Now my fingers sound like a bowl of Rice Krispies every time I move. It’s like my hands are full of pop rocks.
Helen: That must be frustrating—
Dennis: (cracks a knuckle; thunderclap in the distance) It follows me everywhere.
Helen: Thank you for that, Dennis. (turning) Mary, you’ve been quiet. Do you want to share?
Mary: (staring at her lap) I, um… I stepped on a crack. (tears up) My mother’s back actually broke.
Group: (gasps)
Mary: I thought it was a coincidence! But then I stepped on another one, and my aunt slipped a disc! It’s a CURSE!
Colin: We have to warn people.
Marge: If I’d just sat further from the TV, maybe… maybe I’d be round-eyed like everyone else.
Jeff: If I get thirsty, do I water my stomach tree, or is that making it worse?!
Helen: (calmly) These are all very real fears—
Dennis: (cracks knuckles; lightning strikes nearby)
Helen: —and I want you to know you are not alone.
(The lights flicker ominously. The session continues, forever trapped in an escalating cycle of irrational dread.)
