Title: MAGA Recovery Support Group: Rebuilding Our Delusions
Scene: A dimly lit basement of a community centre. A folding table with a half-empty box of donuts and a large jug of room-temperature coffee. A banner on the wall reads: "Step One: Admit You Were Conned."
FACILITATOR (SHARON): Welcome, everyone, to another session of the MAGA Recovery Support Group. Remember, this is a safe space. No judgement, no shame. Only healing. Who would like to begin?
BILL: (deep breath) Hi, I’m Bill.
GROUP: Hi, Bill.
BILL: It’s been six months since I realised JFK Jr. wasn’t coming back.
SHARON: That’s an important milestone. Would you like to share more?
BILL: (nods) I was in Dallas. I waited for hours. I even brought my Welcome Back, Q-Son sign. Then… nothing. Just a bunch of other confused people in American flag capes staring at each other. I started thinking, what if… what if he’s really, truly dead? It felt like my whole world collapsed.
GROUP: (murmurs of support, some dabbing their eyes)
SHARON: Thank you, Bill. That’s a tough realisation, but you’re not alone. Who’s next?
LINDA: (shaky voice) Hi, I’m Linda.
GROUP: Hi, Linda.
LINDA: I… I maxed out three credit cards buying Trump NFTs. I thought they’d be worth millions! But now… (sniffles) I can’t even trade them for a gas station hot dog.
BILL: (nodding) We’ve all been there.
SHARON: Linda, that’s a painful lesson. But acknowledging it is the first step toward recovery.
RANDY: (angrily) I just want to say, I still believe the election was stolen!
SHARON: That’s okay, Randy. This is a journey. Acceptance takes time.
RANDY: (sobbing) But if I let that go, what do I have left?!
SHARON: You have us, Randy. And a future that doesn’t involve screaming at Walgreens employees about deep state microchips.
RANDY: (softly) That… that sounds nice.
SHARON: It is nice. Now, everyone, let’s recite our affirmation together. Ready?
GROUP: "I am more than my conspiracy theories. I am worthy of logic and reason. The grift is not my master."
(Lights fade to black.)
