Scene: A High Cliff, Somewhere
Frank stands at the edge of a perilous cliff, arms crossed, wearing a wingsuit he bought online (with zero training). Mrs Warboys and Estelle stand several feet away, watching in horrified anticipation.
Below them? A sheer drop into jagged rocks and an uncomfortably shallow river.
Estelle:
(Flatly) "Right. Just so we’re clear—your entire plan is to jump off this cliff, because you think ‘if it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger’?"
Frank:
(Nods confidently) "Exactly! How else do you develop an immunity to falling?"
Mrs Warboys:
(Hands on hips, horrified) "That’s not how that works, Frank!"
Frank:
(Shrugging) "Only because no one’s tried hard enough."
Estelle:
(Deadpan) "Yeah, because gravity has an undefeated record."
Frank:
(Waves dismissively) "Oh, gravity’s just a theory."
Estelle:
(Hands on face) "Oh, my God."
Mrs Warboys:
(Pointing at his cheap, flimsy wingsuit) "And what exactly is that supposed to do?!"
Frank:
(Beaming) "This baby’s gonna help me cheat gravity! It’s all about aerodynamics!"
Estelle:
(Squinting) "You ordered that off a ‘novelty gift’ website, Frank. It came with a ‘free kazoo.’"
Frank:
(Grinning) "Yes! And it said ‘fully operational’ on the label."
Mrs Warboys:
(Suspicious) "Did you read the fine print?"
Frank:
(Pauses) "… I saw the word ‘entertainment purposes only,’ but I assumed that meant for the spectators."
Estelle:
(Turning to Mrs Warboys) "He’s about to become the entertainment."
Frank:
(Gesturing dramatically) "Listen, the way I see it, I either fly, or I get stronger. It’s a win-win."
Estelle:
(Sarcastic) "Or you die, which is a bit of a ‘third option’ there."
Mrs Warboys:
(Desperate) "Frank, please, let’s go home. I’ll make you a nice cup of tea."
Frank:
(Shaking head) "Tea doesn’t make you stronger, Jean."
Estelle:
(Shrugs) "Depends how long you leave the bag in."
Mrs Warboys:
(Losing patience) "Fine! Go ahead! But when you’re in a full-body cast again, don’t expect sympathy!"
Frank:
(Beaming) "You won’t be saying that when I come back invincible."
[He takes a deep breath, spreads his arms… and jumps.]
SMASH CUT TO: HOSPITAL ROOM
Frank is back in the exact same position as before—full-body cast, leg in traction, eye barely visible.
Mrs Warboys and Estelle sit by his bed, completely unsurprised.
Estelle:
(Reading from medical report) "Multiple fractures to the ribs, both femurs, collarbone, dislocated knee, bruised spleen—oh, and a ‘mild concussion’… again. You really ought to start collecting these like loyalty points, Frank."
Frank:
(Muffled through the cast) "It was the wind’s fault."
Mrs Warboys:
(Flatly) "Was it, now?"
Frank:
(Still confident) "I was this close to catching an updraft."
Estelle:
(Smirking) "You were an updraft. We had to scrape you off two different surfaces."
Frank:
(Undeterred) "It’s all part of the training. You see, the human body adapts."
Mrs Warboys:
(Shaking head) "Yes, Frank. Usually by learning not to do things."
Frank:
(Beaming) "Nonsense! Next time, I’ll just—"
Estelle & Mrs Warboys:
(Shouting) "THERE IS NO NEXT TIME!"